question for all with children and spouses?

Question

My husband and i have a two year old, and i want to have a second child however my husband doesnt want to he doesnt think that he could handle another round of sleepless nights and endless crying and dirty diapers plus he feels like it would be unfair to the child we have now. Im the primary care provider of our child now due to the fact that he works 10-16 hour shifts most days. I feel like im being shorted because hes not even willing to discuss having a second child and hes thinking of having a vasectomey so there wont be any "accidents" any advice

all of your anwsers have been very helpful there are pros and cons of having two children. We did discuss children before we were married and at that time i didnt think i would enjoy children (being an only child myself) and wasnt sure at that time if i wanted any and my husband at that time wanted two but now that the first one is here he has changed his mind i believe the issue lays deeper than sleepless nights, and then again this is a decision i have to make but with the way things are going in the world today should i even consider bringing a second life into the world

Answer 1

You might warn him of the fact that he is more likely to have heart problems after a vasectomy. On the deeper issue though, the marriage is the most important relationship in the family. If a child, or the issue of a child, takes centre stage the relationships become crossed. For example, if a child becomes more important to either parent it is referred to as "espousing the child". The two of you should discuss this honestly. First though, each of you should think about why you hold the opinion you do. Then you have all of your relevant personal reasons for a good discussion.

Answer 2

talk to him- tell him how you feel about the second child idea.... i have a one yr old and am pregnant with the second - the younger they are i think it will cause less of a panic for the child- an older child might think that its horrible after being raised a only child and dislike the midnight screaming, while a younger child will tend to sleep through that screaming and if they dont they will not remember it later on in life....my friend had the same issue and she just told her hubby that she thought it would be better for their one if he had a brother or sister to play with and to learn sharing and just have someone else around to torment beyond them (husband and wife) when they were older....turns out the second pregnancy was twins but after the round of sleepless nights and diapers they both said they'd go back and do it again because their lifes are so much fuller and their 3 children are the best things to happen to them


good luck



ps if all else fails accidents happen, just hurry them up before he actually goes and gets it done

Answer 3

I believe this is truely something no one on here can tell you what to do. Honey, this is all up to you and your hubby. I have been married for 10yrs. and only have one child(he's6). I am the one home with him ever since he's been born. Yes, that means I have been his playmate sort of say. Just think of this long term..not only do u have a playmate for your other child but you also have double the work and more money being spent on 2 kids and also the agruments that u have to break up. Tricking your hubby into having another baby isn't true love. I do think u both need to find time to discuss this matter. He may have very good reasons for feeling this way. My hubby had the vasectomey
so I know we wont be having any more. Like I said I do think people now days think it a have to to have 2 kids. For a "playmate" I grew u with a sister and we WERE NOT "playmate" I cant stand her til this day. So ask yourself haveing another child for a playmate is that a good enough reason? Heck go join a gym so the child can have playmates.
Good Luck

Answer 4

I have two childen that are 2 and four. I feel as a sibling.....I had a happier childhood because of my sister. when there are two...it is by far easier than one most of the time. They keep each other entertained. If you are the primary caregiver to your children, maybe your husband has other reasons for not wanting another child but using dirty diapers and sleepless nights as an excuse. He may feel bad because he doesnt have time to spend with your child because of his working hours and if there was another child involed he would have to split that time among two. It also may be the financial aspect. Granted you are NEVER financially to have kids..one is cheaper than two. If you do decide to get pregnant...just tell him to cross his fingers...if you already have a girl or a boy wish for the next child to be the same.....you will already have most of the stuff you need!~

Answer 5

A lot of marriages split up because of this. If you have an "accident" is there a chance he's going to leave you? I think an only child thing is the only unfair thing with a child. They never get to experience having a sibbling. I'm the oldest of 5 and couldn't imagine ever being an only child. I think its cruel. But then again I want a large family and sadly enough I have my second on the way and I'm single. But I'm fine without a guy. I have my soon to be KIDS. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do to get the things you want in life. Goodluck.

Answer 6

Sit down with your husband and explain the pros and cons of having another child now. Like yourself I am the primary keeper of my children. I have a 5 yr old, 4yr old and I am 26 wks pregnant. My husband is a truck driver and we only get to see him on the weekends. Tell your husband that he is lucky to be around when he can. It's also best to have your children close in age so that they have a companion to grow and learn with other than you and your husband. What is a couple months of sleepless nights compared to a LIFETIME of special moments and memories with your children.

Answer 7

Maybe this all should have been discussed before getting married. I understand that you are the primary care provider for your child, so you think you should be able to decide if you can handle another one or not, but if he is totally against it, I would go along with his wishes - at least you have your one child.

Answer 8

Talking is my only advise. What does he mean sleepless nights? Your the one that deals with it. You need to tell him that having one child is not fair to the child. He needs to stop being so selfish and wake up to the reality that the purpose of life is to procreate. You need another child to keep the first entertained. Otherwise your husband will have to constantly entertain...does he want to deal with that.

Answer 9

i think its wrong he would do that.... i think it is unfair to the child not to have a sibling.....i have an 18 month old and i feel horrible bcuz he dosent have a sibling... every time he sees a baby he says "baby" and points he loves them but he can get jealous... a second child i think is good because it shows the 1st that they cant alays get there way and they wont grow up to be very spoiled. Also it helps them to lear how to share and play with other kids.

Answer 10

First of all, I think that your husband is wrong to feel like he doesn't want another child,(they are gifts from God U know), and it's unfair to you to have to accept his feeling, I could almost understand if it was a financial reason, but u didn't mention money so, just try to compromise with him and try to get him to understand u and where u are coming from, BEST WISHES!!!!!