is it wrong/selfish to keep my career rather than become a stay at home mom?

Question

I have found differing opinions, and some people really look down on mother's that do the daycare or nanny thing. I don't HAVE to work... but I have an excellent career and I have a promising future there.... however, I want to be a great mother, too! any suggestions?

Answer 1

I can totally relate! I think it's OK to have a career as long as you're willing to devote the majority of your time to the kids when you're not at work. It's also very important to find a caregiver that you trust completely ~ otherwise you'll worry all day instead of doing your job! With a nanny, get tons of references, do background checks, and make sure she's willing to follow your schedule and rules. With a daycare, ask for a tour but also drop in unannounced to see what it's like when they aren't expecting "company". I also called the Better Business Bureau and state licensing agency to make sure there were no serious issues reported and to verify their credentials.

I choose to work because I know myself well enough to know I would NOT be an active stay-at-home mom. I would use it as an excuse to not shower until 2 PM and be lazy most of the day. Would that benefit my kids? NO. Do they benefit from the activities and lessons and crafts and social interactions they get at daycare? YES. There will always be differing opinions on this issue. The thing to remember is everyone should do what is best for their family. Good luck!

Answer 2

Wow! Tough call... I was in the same boat two years ago. I had a WONDERFUL, CHALLENGING and EXCITING career and I was on my way up the corp ladder. (Also did not have to work). I am a believer that you can't have everything. You can either be the best at your career or the best at being a stay at home mom. You can DO both but sacrifices are a must. This does not mean you will be a bad mother or that your children will suffer. What it means is that you might not be able to take that next promotion at work or you might have to let your husband go to your childrens next performance. You just need to decide what your priorites are and make a decision. I decided that I would rather make sacrifices at work than at home. I became a full time stay at home mom and LOVE every minute of it! Plus my kids will be in school full time in a couple of years. I figure I can get back to work then. Believe or not you can have the same feelings of fullfillment staying at home as you can working. My adjustment period was about 6 months. It was tough but I'm glad I made the decision I made. Good luck to you! I know you'll do what best for you and your family.

Answer 3

my fiance and I often talk about this same subject. His mom was a stay at home mom and mine was a single mother working 2-3 jobs. I understand both points of view but strongly believe it is better for the children in the long run to have a career. With a stay at home mom the children become too dependent because they often don't have to do anything on their own. I learned how to do laundry at age 11 and was cooking and cleaning for my younger brother around the same time. I think that installed character and value in my life and made me much more independent and appreciative. I moved out at 17 because I had enough experience to do so. I new how to many things other people at my age didn't because my mom was working instead of holding my hand. My fiances' didn't move out until he was 26 and his two other brothers and sister still live at home at the ages of 30,25,and 21. Their mom still even washes their clothes and cleans their room! I think a working mother implies more self reliance and a better work ethic. Your children will mirror your behavior so whatever you decide to do make sure its what you want because if you are unhappy they will know.

Answer 4

Wow, you sound like me! I had an excellent profession, and b/c of that I dispose of kids a little bit longer than I regularly must have, however I knew while I had a baby the profession used to be out the window, so I savored it a little bit. I love being a SAHM, and plan to paintings PT while the entire children are born and in institution, however I admit I do get slightly unhappy pondering that my profession could also be in the back of me now. By the time I input again into the area FT, it's going to regularly be over a decade from now. Don't allow others have an impact on your alternative. Being a SAHM is not effortless by means of any stretch, and I admit there were extra days then I might depend wherein I wanted I nonetheless labored (I fairly pass over the social interplay that paintings offers, being a SAHM is keeping apart usually), however one seem at my daughter and it's all valued at at the same time. If you'll swing it financially, then opt for it. If it does not determine you might regularly return to paintings, not anything is everlasting. Best desires and well success! Tell your loved ones/peers that this can be a determination that is not up for dialogue.

Answer 5

you're lucky that you don't HAVE to work. =) for me, it's not selfishness if you want to keep your career because you're an individual and as an individual, you have grow. you have the right to derive happiness/satisfaction from things other than taking care of children. however, i also agree that being a great mom is a career in itself and it takes an awful lot of work and time. i give those moms credit. i will suggest that while the child/children is/are growing, try to work part-time - at home. that way you can have the best of both worlds. it may be easier said than done but think about this: while you can't work full-time, at least you are keeping up with the trends/demands of being a careerwoman. now, when the child/children is/are fully grown and can take care of themselves, then you can go full-blast and not even worry that you've been out of the workforce for so long that you don't remember anything anymore.

Answer 6

No, it is not selfish. Check out your options. Perhaps it is something you can do to work from home, or work part home part office, just part time, or flex time. If you do what makes you happy and put your children in a safe place where they are loved and cared for there is not a thing wrong with that.

I personally have chosen to stay home with all 5 of my children. (I did work for a year and a half after my first was born) And there are days when I would pay to go to work. Of course, that would diminish the checking account fast if I had to pay for work and childcare... :) But I love to be here to see all the cute things they do, every new thing they see and I would not give that up for any job.

What is important is that they are learning your morals, getting quality time with you and know that they are the most important part of your life. After that everything else will fall into place.

Answer 7

It's not at all wrong to want to go back to work! In fact, it's probably best. You can have money for extra things, get away from the house for awhile, have some time to yourself (even if it is sitting a desk at work), and your child/children will have an easier time when they have to start school because they'll already know that it's okay to be away from mom. If you really feel guilty though about going back to work, maybe you could be a stay at home mom until your kids start school. That way, you're there for all the little things that happen in those early years. Good luck :)

Answer 8

It is more selfish to have children when you don't really want them. It's more selfish to give up the career and resent the kids for your frustration. Too many people make decisions based on their friends or family, and the friends and family don't have to live with it on a daily basis.

You can be a great mother with a career with the appropriate support system in place. Make sure you have alternative child care (babysitters, good friend, etc.), time in your calendar for self-care, and understand that your children need *you* more than they need the next cute toy.

Burned-out mothers are not effective mothers.

Answer 9

Not at all!! If you have a great career and love doing it just do it!
My mom went through the same thing, but I look up to her for staying at her job. In fact only 23% of working mothers are obese and 40% of stay-at-home moms are obese, another incentive. It will be 100 times harder to let go when they get to the school age.

Answer 10

You can still be a great mother. I would rather work then stay in the house with the kids all day. Even if you do take the kids places and do things with them sometimes they just drive you nuts and that's what work is for to get away and have a break from the kids.