My 12 year old daughter is starting to be a bit of a hand full. What is the best punishment when nothing works

Answer 1

My wife has problems controling our 12 year old daughter also. The punishement that works best with her is me! LOL! I give that deep "DAD" voice that makes her tremble and she straightens up. I know thats not helping you out much but it's not really the punishment that keeps her in control, it's the seriousness in my voice that she hears and knows I WILL FOLLOW THROUGH with whatever punishment I am telling her I am going ot give to her if she doesn't straighten up....and if she doesn't, I do follow through with the punihemnt no matter how much I don't want to. Good luck!! I have a 19 year old daughter also so they do make it through these tough times!

Answer 2

Try asking her what punishment she should have, and what will stop her repeating the behaviour. Often kids will be much more harsh on themselves than you would. You may also find out why she's behaving like this.

Other tips (from a parenting class my Wife did :) )...
don't talk down to her, physically. Since you're probably taller than her, crouch or sit so you're eye to eye. Keep calm. NEVER shout. Icy calm works better long term. Don't criticise her - criticise her behaviour and explain how it makes you feel. Don't use hyperbole. Explain consequences instead of making threats. Follow up on your statement.For example: "You're awful - you never tidy your room and you won't listen to a word I say. I give up! Go to your room or you're grounded for a century" could be replaced by "When you don't tidy your room it makes me feel angry, because I want our family to live in a nice house. When you ignore me, it makes me feel like I'm not important. I expect you to go and tidy your room before you watch any TV tonight. If you don't you will be on a TV ban until the weekend." Don't listen to any pleading either - be firm.

The hardest thing to remember is that YOU are the responsible adult, and she's the kid. They hold many of the emotional cards, but you have the money and the car keys!

Good luck.

Answer 3

Figure out where it hurts, no I'm not talking spanking! Taking away a certain privilege that is important to her will probably work, especially something regarding her friends or social time. Just make sure you are consistent and don't threaten her if you aren't going to follow through. For example, if you tell her you will ground her from the phone if she doesn't clean her room, give her a time frame and if she doesn't follow through, punish her. Don't let her talk you out of it. You might feel mean, but when she learns you mean it, you'll have a lot less trouble.

Answer 4

I had the same problem when my daughter turned 12...she refused to do her chores, mouthed off, telling me I didn't have to know where she was going or who she was with...I told her until she is 18 I am responsible for her actions, that I am her mother and will show me respect...when she misbehaved I would take privileges away, phone, tv, stereo...ground her, no friends over...when she was good, did her chores and didn't get into trouble I would let her choose what fun thing we could do together on the weekend...a couple weeks after she turned 13 she snuck out till one o'clock in the morning...I was worried sick...I saw a boy looking in my window, (found out later he was 17)I hurried outside and found my daughter hiding behind some bushes...as we were walking in the house I asked her why, she kept repeating I don't know, I said I don't accept that answer, she called me a F'n B, I picked her up by her jacket front and threw her on her butt and told her to go to bed...next day school called for child abuse, police, social services, principal, councelor...I told them what happened, they said you have to "talk" to your child, no charges were filed...a week later I told her to go do the dishes, she said F you and ran, I caught her by her hair and yelled that she will not speak to me that way, next day school called again, just the principal & councelor, said I can't push, hit or yell at my daughter...I said, "if there are no consequences to her actions she will just go & do whatever she wants, she will get into serious trouble or end up dead"...they said, you have to "talk" to your child...for two days I thought & thought, finally I came up with an idea..when she came home from school we sat down and I "talked" to her...I told her if she thought she had it so rough and didn't want to obey the rules that she should go pack her things and leave, but if you leave you can never come back and I will no longer be your mother. (I don't think I could really do that) anyway...what a turn around, she was like she was when she was little, so nice, so helpful...when she turned 17, well that's another story...
I hope you can find a way to make your daughter behave without going to extremes. Good luck!

Answer 5

Even when "nothing" is working as long as you are sticking to the punishment it is working. She's testing you. Don't back down, don't let her get her way in the end, and this behavior will go away.

Its just like when a kid is 2 and they want to touch the stove so you take them and baby gate them out of the kitchen...eventually they stop making a beeline for the stove every time you try to get then through the kitchen.

Answer 6

The problem with kids today is they don't get a good switching, or belt whipping like they did when I was growing up. Hey when they stopped paddling butts in school they screwed up. I don't care what anybody says about this,that is just pure fact!!!! If people went back to *** whippings instead of taking nintendo's, cell phones, and other crap they should'nt have in the first place away from them along with a good whipping the world would be alot better place. Don't believe me just try it for awhile and I promise you will see a big change in your kid's behavior.

Answer 7

The simplest way to handle difficult children is to provide consequences for both good and bad behavior. You would lay out expectations ahead of time and then give her positive feedback for good behavior and negative consequence for her bad behavior. There is no need for you to yell, nag, or harass. If she does something that she knows not to do, you simply follow through with the consequences calmly. She will be upset but you must stand your ground. She is testing you to see if you really are in control. If she is upset because of the consequences for the wrong behavior that she has chosen, oh well, she made her choice. Remember to compliment her when she is doing good. It will be tough, but parenting is. Good luck.

Answer 8

Punishment has to get them where it hurts. Take away her cell phone or computer/TV priveleges. Don't allow her to do anything with friends outside of school. Start removing things from her room that she enjoys. And always follow through and show her that you mean business and you won't give in to tantrums or anything.

Answer 9

Usually if you deprive them from the things they like they tend to settle down. Try no TV, video games, talking on the phone, no make up if she wares it, no going out etc. If all fails try boot camp. Most pre-teens fear going their so they behave once they know that this is an option for the parent to do. Good luck.

Answer 10

Take things away, if she doesn't have chores, give her some. If she does, give her more temporarily and no pay for any of them. Take away allowance if you give it. And when all else fails, stick her in front of a judge, especially when your getting crap from a school about your disciplinary actions.