my son is usually a good kid but to day I found out he has been lying to me what can I do to change this?

Answer 1

Honesty and dishonesty are learned in the home. Parents are often concerned when their child or adolescent lies.

Lying that is probably not a serious problem:

Young children (ages 4-5) often make up stories and tell tall tales. This is normal activity because they enjoy hearing stories and making up stories for fun. These young children may blur the distinction between reality and fantasy.

An older child or adolescent may tell a lie to be self-serving (e.g. avoid doing something or deny responsibility for their actions). Parents should respond to isolated instances of lying by talking with the youngster about the importance of truthfulness, honesty and trust.

Some adolescents discover that lying may be considered acceptable in certain situations such as not telling a boyfriend or girlfriend the real reasons for breaking up because they don't want to hurt their feelings. Other adolescents may lie to protect their privacy or to help them feel psychologically separate and independent from their parents (e.g. denying they sneaked out late at night with friends).

Lying that may indicate emotional problems:

Some children, who know the difference between truthfulness and lying, tell elaborate stories which appear believable. Children or adolescents usually relate these stories with enthusiasm because they receive a lot of attention as they tell the lie.

Other children or adolescents, who otherwise seem responsible, fall into a pattern of repetitive lying. They often feel that lying is the easiest way to deal with the demands of parents, teachers and friends. These children are usually not trying to be bad or malicious but the repetitive pattern of lying becomes a bad habit.

There are also some children and adolescents who are not bothered by lying or taking advantage of others. Other adolescents may frequently use lying to cover up another serious problem. For example, an adolescent with a serious drug or alcohol problem will lie repeatedly to hide the truth about where they have been, who they were with, what they were doing, and where the money went.

What to do if a Child or Adolescent lies:

Parents are the most important role models for their children. When a child or adolescent lies, parents should take some time to have a serious talk and discuss:

the difference between make believe and reality, lying and telling the truth,

the importance of honesty at home and in the community, and
alternatives to lying.

If a child or adolescent develops a pattern of lying which is serious and repetitive, then professional help may be indicated. Evaluation by a child and adolescent psychiatrist would help the child and parents understand the lying behavior and would also provide recommendations for the future.

Answer 2

Well, that all depends on how good he usually is, how old he is, and what he's been lying to you about. Kind of makes you wonder what else he's lied about, right?
If it's something silly, like he thought he'd get in trouble if you knew the truth, then you need to find a way to foster a better relationship with him so he knows that he can always be honest with you.
If it's something more silly that THAT, like lying about nothing in particular just because he CAN, then you may have to get a mental eval, because that's just not quite right.
I think your first step should be to sit down with him and ask him WHY, and walk through this whole big ol mess from beginning to end. It may give you both some insight as to how each will respond in situations similar to this, that may come later.
As long as you're not overreactive or excessively negative, simply talking to him may be enough to get the job done......for now.
Keep in mind that if he's anywhere near the age of 14, you might just be wasting your breath. I guess it really depends on the way each of you IS on a day-to-day basis.

Answer 3

Well I'm surprised no one suggested this yet but why not sit your son down and read him the book called "The Little Boy Who Cried Wolf." After reading the book, have a discussion about why the villagers didn't believe the boy and how do you think the villagers felt after being lied to. Ask your son how do you think you feel when he lies to you. Then explain to your son if he keeps lying to you and others he's with ... then he's going to get the same treatment that the little boy did in the story where no one will ever believe he's telling the truth.

Answer 4

if he is lying to you he is probably doing something he isn't supposed to. Try to find things that your son could do instead of what he's lying about. Be proactive, i learned with my own experience with my mom that there came a point where i just wanted my mom to be my friend and not always my mom. Keep yourself involved with what's going on with his life and make sure that you two can always talk in honesty without you giving the usual text book mom, that's not good for u answer. Let him know that you were young once and understand how it is not always easy to resist doing things u shouldn't and lying about it. Once u let him know that he isn't the only one who has had to deal with this problem about stayin out of trouble, he will feel better about it and that will help him overcome these obstacles. I have a great story about myself and my parents dealing with me when they found out i was smoking pot. About what they should have done. Let me know if anyone is interested in hearing it. How old is your son, maybe i can help u come up with ideas for stuff for him to do. I 'm not a doctor, but i am naturally great with kids, i haven't found a kid that didn't like me, even the stubborn ones that don't take kindly to anyone seem to like me, just a god givin gift i guess, anyway my humble opinion. take care

Answer 5

Let him know the consequences of lying. Verify his stories and treat him as anyone else would out in the real world if he is caught in a lie. People don't trust liars and feel insulted someone would try to put one over on them. People in the real world can verify information. Let him experience that and the embarrassment will motivate him to keep his life straight.

Let him know that it will take time for you to build your trust and when he needs your trust he will appreciate it more. Relationships in the real world are built on trust.

Answer 6

I would suggest you both sit down together and talk about it -- let him know that he hasn'tbeen honest with you. Ask him what was the reason why he felt he needed to lie to you. Have a good adult conversation without raising your voices i think he will open up. Then leave him for a whilebut do some spot checking to see that he will not repeat his actions.

Answer 7

Want some boring advice? Try talking to him. Nothing hard about that. Seriously, sit down and talk to him alone, just you two. Oh, and above all, tell him you love him, give him a hug. And MEAN IT. Dont half a$$ parenting.

Answer 8

most kids go through lying to people. just sit him or her down and have a talk. tell him or her this is the one and only warning next time they get grounded or spanked. which ever way you want to go

Answer 9

Try letting him know that you aren't upset. You want him to be able to tell you anything. And no matter how embarrassing, insulting or illegal it is, you'll be more than glad to have him share his life with you. Make sure you understand that it's his life; you can make suggestions about things, but DONT nag.

And more importantly, try to make this true. Don't just "say" it.

Answer 10

Sara, that's a very good question that i've thought about myself.

I've found the Bible to be full of rich principles and answers to practical dilemmas of such issues as parenting, finances, and relationships. It is useful for instruction. Here's some instruction for parents:

"He who witholds his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines (corrects) him diligently." (see Proverbs 13:24)

Early childhood teaching requires both parental discipline, including corporal punishment, and balanced kindness and love. There is great hope that the use of the "divine ordinance" of the rod will produce godly virtue and parental joy. Such discipline must have the right motivation and appropriate severity. One who has genuine affection for his child, but withholds corporal punishment, will produce the same kind of child as a parent who hates his offspring.

The command "Thou shall not lie." is one of the 10 commandments handed down to Moses on Mt. Sinai. Scriptures defines sin as "lawlessness." Simply, the knowledge of the act of "lying" being "sin" is brought forth through looking at the commandment, "Thou shall not lie." If you've lied, you are a liar. In the same way, if you've stolen, you are a thief. It only takes one murder, to make a murderer. Jesus said, any man who hates is a murderer at heart (Matt 7). For all have "sinned and fall short" of God's target. We are all lawbreakers. But it is not until we as parents come to an proper understanding of the eternal consequences of sin, that we will come to an understanding of WHY we must firmly yet lovingly "discipline" our children. Again, the Bible shows us that the "wages of sin (including "lying") is death (temporal and eternal), but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ. The consequences of sin (ie, lying, stealing, and hatred/murder) are clearly defined: "all liars, their part will be in th elake that burns with fire and brimstone..." (Reve 21:8)

Thus, we must discipline our children to lead them to a place of Safety; the Wisdom and Knowledge of Jesus Christ as Savior. But, we cannot lead them to the Wisdom and Knowledge of something we do not possess ourselves. God was gracious to give us the Law, that we may know how desperately sick we really at heart. When used lawfully, the law of the 10 commandments will act as a "schoolmaster, to lead you and/or your child to Christ, so that he may be justified by faith." Jesus Christ died for lawbreakers. Where we broke the laws, Jesus Christ paid our fine. "He was tormented for our transgressions...that you may be healed and made whole." We must repent of our lawlessness and turn towards the cross of Christ, where we find healing and redemption and power to overcome (the power) of sin. I pray you will prayerfully consider this option Sara. Take care, adamray