jokes i want some jokes?

Question

i doing this for you everybody so give me good jokes

Answer 1

A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years.

One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child. If she stayed in Italy,
he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but wondered how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

"Honey," she said, "you received a very strange post card today."

"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said.

The wife obeyed, and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without."
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A Jamaican man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he
passes a
little math test.
Here is your first question, the foreman said. "Without using
numbers,
represent the number 9."
"Without numbers?" The Jamaican says, "Dat is easy." And proceeds
to draw
three trees.
What's this?" the boss asks
"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the
Jamaican.
"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use
the same
rules, but this time the number is 99."
The Jamaican stares into space for a while, then picks up the
picture that
he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."
>>The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that
represent 99?"
"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty
tree, and
dirty tree. Dat is 99."
The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to
hire this
Jamaican, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again,
but
represent the number 100."
The Jamaican stares into space some more, then he picks up the
picture again
and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you
go. One
hundred."
The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that
represents a hundred!"
The Jamaican leans forward and points to the marks at the base of
each tree
and says, "A little dog come along and crap by each tree. So now
you got
dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a
turd,
which makes one hundred."
"So, when I start?"

Answer 2

Can the English language survive after Bush?

Quotes From George W. Bush

"The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country. "
- George W. Bush

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
- George W. Bush

"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is ' to be prepared '."
- George W. Bush

"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future. "
- George W. Bush

" The future will be better tomorrow."
-George W. Bush

" We're going to have the best educated American people in the world."
- George W. Bush

" I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."
- George W. Bush

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe, we are a part of Europe."
- George W. Bush

" Public speaking is very easy."
- George W. Bush

"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."
- George W. Bush

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur. "
- George W. Bush

"For NASA, space is still a high priority."
- George W. Bush

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children. "
- George W. Bush

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
- George W. Bush

" It's time for the human race to enter the solar system."
- George W. Bush

?

Answer 3

ok this blond walks into a best buy and theres a sign that says no blonds so she colors her hair black because theres 90% off some of the new stuff there.........she walks in and asks how much is this tv? the man at the desk say ur a blond so plz lev now.......so she gose colors her hair brown and gose asks a different person and she says how much is this tv? and that person knows that she was a blone too and asked her to lev once more............she thinks to herself and she thought that thy remembered wat she looked like so she colors her hair red and makes herself look like a rocker but comes bake the next day and asks someone different how much is that tv overthere and he says ur a blond plz lev as he walks her out she stops and asks him how do u know im a blond? and he says thats not a tv its a microwave.............

Answer 4

hi! here's 1: ...
A man gets to make a wish, and he wishes he could wake up in bed with three women. When he wakes up, there are lorena 'bobbit, tonya harding, and hillary clinton. And his pen*$ is gone, his leg is broken, and he has no health insurance....

thx hgday :)

Answer 5

you want some joke's??? well did you try looking in your pant's i hear that's were the joke is at!!!

Answer 6

I have no clue if this is funny to you or not but ''my bird is so fat when he stepped on the scale it said to be continued''.

Answer 7

kid joke
first kid=want to hear a smutty joke?
second kid =Yeah!
First kid= SANTA-CLAUSE WENT DOWN THE CHIMNEY..

Answer 8

http://www.dribbleglass.com/

Answer 9

knock,knock who's there gona,gona who,gona let me in