How do you know when your ready for sex?

Question

I feel something for my boyfriend I told my mom I was Thinking about having sex, and I'm thirteen. But I know in my heart I need education, but I know I'm also not ready. Just give me some advice.

Answer 1

Many teenage girls feel pressured into sex: study

Tuesday, June 6, 2006

Teenage girls commonly have sex not because they want to, but because they feel pressured into it - and the result may be a higher risk of sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy, a new study suggests.

Researchers found that among 279 teenage girls they interviewed, many said they'd given in to unwanted sex at some point because they were afraid their boyfriend would get angry.

The findings, published in the Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine, indicate that may teenagers -- both female and male -- need help in negotiating their relationships.

"We need to give guidance to teens on how to communicate with each other," said lead study author Dr. Margaret J. Blythe, a pediatrician at the Indiana University Medical Center in Indianapolis.

That means helping girls to take more control over their sexual activity, and boys to understand what constitutes pressure, according to Blythe.

The importance of educating boys, she told Reuters Health, "is often the untalked-about part."

The study included girls between the ages of 14 and 17 who were seen at urban health clinics in Indianapolis. Over about two years, the girls were periodically interviewed about their current relationships, including any instances of unwanted sex over the past three months. Specific questions included: "Would he break up with you unless you had sex?" and "Would he get mad if you didn't want to have sex?"

In all, 41 percent said they'd had unwanted sex at some point. The most common reason was fear that their boyfriend would become angry. Ten percent, though, said their partner forced them have sex when they didn't want to. About 5 percent said they'd had sex after being offered money or gifts.

Girls who reported unwanted sex also reported less condom use, a poorer relationship quality and a higher rate of pregnancy than their peers, the study found.

Other research has shown that unwanted sex, particularly in cases of rape, can lead to depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder. The current findings, Blythe and her colleagues say, point to sexually transmitted diseases and unintended pregnancy as additional serious consequences.

Most of the girls in the study were black and lower-income, and it's not clear how representative the findings are of the general population. But the results are similar to those of some past studies, according to Blythe and her colleagues.

For example, girls who reported unwanted sex were more likely than their peers to have a partner who smoked marijuana, and other studies have linked drug and alcohol use to forced or unwanted sex.

Substance use can blur the line between consensual and non-consensual sex, the researchers write, and boys who use drugs or alcohol may become "less sensitive" to what their partners want or don't want.

SOURCE: Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine, June 2006.

Answer 2

You will probably get a lot of messages telling you that you're far too young, or that you should wait until marriage. I don't necessarily agree - but I do believe that when you are ONE HUNDRED percent ready, you will know that you are. People can be ready for a sexual relationship at different ages and in all different situations in their lives - however i do think that it is your responsibility to get as much information as you can regarding your own reproductive system, sex and intimacy, sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy. I say that because if you are ready and willing to take on the emotional, physical and intellectual pressure that having sexual intercourse entails, then you should also be willing to take on the responsibility for potentially becoming pregnant as well. Sex is a big step, and it changes relationships significantly. I was really fortunate to wait until I was 18 and in a very healthy, wonderful and respectful realtionship, and I was completely ready - and looking back I am so glad that I had that experience. I hope that whatever you decide, it's the right choice for you. Remember - you can have a great intimate relationship without actual sex. Good luck and take care.

Answer 3

Sex requires more than being ready physically. It requires emotional, psychological, and mental stability. It also requires the ability to take care of a child in the event you become pregnant and believe you me, that is a strong possibility EVERY time you have sex as a teen due to the fact that males are at their prime sexually between 13 and 21 and produce more semen and sperm at that time than any other time of their life. Sex also should require a stable partner who is able to fully take care of you and the baby for life. That is why me and many others say wait until you are married. While marriage is not a guarantee of stability most of the time it's a healthy and stable start. Besides whether you buy it or not that was God's plan for men and women. You sound like a smart girl. I hope this helps.

Answer 4

Some of you guys give some really crappy advice. This is a 13 year old girl, and some of you are saying "go for it"! How ridiculous! I have 3 little girls and at age 13 you are no where near ready. I know that from experience. I lost my virginity at 13. I was not ready and I got my heart broken. Let me tell you something sweety that no one else might tell you. Girls and guys are very different from the very beginning. You are going to get your heart broken and it hurts no matter how young you are. I remember my mom telling me I didn't know what love was, and until this very day I will argue that fact. It wasn't the marrying kind of love. It isn't the kind of love that I have with my husband. BY FAR! But, it was love. Some people call it lust, but it wasn't. I truly felt love for the guy, and I thought the feeling went though ways. The very night I lost my virginity to him he walked away from me and kissed another girl!!! I am much older now and still remember that, and promised myself I always would so I could help my kids and other kids not make the same mistake. That one mistake led me down a path of wrecklessness that you can only imagine. One mistake can lead you somewhere you don't want to go. It may sound like I am blubbering but it all leads to each other. When I met my husband and experienced that true love that no one can "tell" you about, I regretted every time I had sex with another person. I wished I had saved that moment for him. I hope this means something to you and I hope you truly think it over before you have sex. There are so many things that can come from that one time of pleasure. It could end in pregnancy, no matter what precautions you take. You could end up with an STD, some of which you can not get rid of. And, they are a lot more common than what you think. One of the most common one most commonly know as genital warts can lead to ovarian cancer!! There is so much you have to think about before you take that step. I hope this helped.

Answer 5

So, sex is a lot like alcohol. It is powerful and enjoyable and fun, but if you jump at it too quickly you can get hurt. I'm glad you have open communication with your mom about this. Honestly I have not had sex yet and I am 22. I know that's probably somewhat ancient to you but now that I'm at the age I am, I'm not sure that I'm even ready to have sex. Sex is emotionally and psychologically complicated and very powerful. I personally think that outside of marriage one should think long and hard about it.

Another thing to keep in mind is that all of the lines that lead up to sex only psych your brain into thinking you are ready for it even if you aren't. I'm not trying to make your decision for you but I'd take some time like a week for yourself and listen to your thoughts.

If you can't take that time for yourself without constantly thinking about your boyfriend then the stage of your relationship is at a point where it is at least semi-co-dependent. The problem with this is that how you are thinking about your relationship is likely to lead you to think that you are ready for sex even if you aren't.

If he cannot let you take a week for yourself then he is co-dependant on your end of the relationship and you should definitely wait and not have sex with him yet.

If during your time for yourself your view of him changes, expecially if it is at all for the worse then do not do it. He is not the one, at least not yet. You need to be with someone who you feel the same way about him when you are around him as when you are not, but not obsess about him when he is not present.

If you think that having sex will distract you from your education, family life, or any other obligations that you have then you are not ready. This is one of those ways in which it is similar to alcohol. For some people it is a distraction... those people shouldn't drink.

If after taking time for yourself, if none of the above reasons have rung true to let you know you should wait then listen to what your heart is telling you. If you have any hesitation at all, then you should wait.

Even in our modern society 13 is still quite young to be having sex. It is likely that it would be painful since you are quite likely not even physically developed enough to make it not painful. I'd say in this society 16 is an average age where it is a 50/50. This doesn't mean I recommend this age. I know a lot of people my own age that wished that they would have waited and they envy the fact that I have.

If after all of this you decide to have sex, research everything you can about STDs and safe sex.

Sorry, I know I keep editing this but another instance where you should say no is if he is pressuring you into it in any way. This includes asking you about it after you've already said no, guesturing or touching in a way to suggest that he wants you to, any mind games or manipulations means that he is not worth it. Your body is valuable and if he does any of those things then he is not worthy, no matter how great he may seem.

Answer 6

When you have to ask you are to young. Don't have sex! Do you want to chance getting pregnant and having a kid to take care of while your 14..15..16. Not to mention do you have the money to care for a child?

This is in comment to the other 13 replier...guess what most of the ppl that are telling you, you are to young are much older than you. We know it's to young because we have life experience to tell us different...and it's not a big shock but we were all 13 at one time. I thought I had the answers to the world at 13 and everyone else was just stupid...but now that I am older I realize I don't still know everything and hope I never stop learning.

Answer 7

If you are doubting it it's because you are not ready. Don't let your boyfriend talk you into it either. You are young and have plenty of time to do it later on in life. Besides isn't better to go out and have fun then to stay home have sex that feels awkard and then worry about being pregnant. So just stick to an innocent relationship. When you have sex too young you regret it later because it is suppose to be something special. Also if you do decide to have sex go on birth control and condoms. REMEMBER THERE ARE STDs (like AIDS and HERPES not too mention several more) and you are at risk at getting PREGNANT at any age if you already get your period.

Answer 8

even thou i was having sex at that age my best advice is wait until ur older.... it is fun but u need 2 b ready for having sex..ppl think sex is just well having sex with that person but its alot alot more..u need 2 b mentally ready..what if u get pregnant? what if he gives u an std??what if he says i love u just 2 sleep with u then leaves u shorty after? what if he talks about u behind ur back? what other ppl r going 2 say about u? what is ur family going 2 say or think or do when they find out? trust me its all fun but alot of young girls either begin having sex alot and with a lot of ppl or they might get depressed 4 1 reason or another-like the guy would lie 2 u or ppl might talk about u badly. its just to much things that go in2 sex other than what happens between 2 ppl in bed. what I'm saying is be careful and think alot b4 u decide 2 do it. its really jus up 2 u no one on here can give u the advice if yes u should have sex or no don't do it. and because ur on here asking ppl u don't really know tells me ur not even ready-u should/and will know when its best 4 u 2 start having sex.

Answer 9

Thirteen is way too young to be having sex. Here is something you may want to consider. When you have sex with someone, you are giving that person a piece of you that you can never take back. That person should be worthy to have a piece of you for the rest of his live. At 13, I don't think your boyfriend is worthy. Boyfriends will come and go in your teens years. A first love will come, but most likely that will not be the person you will marry. So, to sound a little old fashion, maybe the guy you marry is the most worthy. Be a kid and enjoy kid things for now. You will grow old soon enough. Best of luck to you!

Answer 10

I'm pretty sure you just answered your own question. And the fact that you're even having to ask says you're not ready. I can't say anything about your age because I was 13 when I started having sex. I can tell you, though, that at 24 now, I regret it. I wish I would have waited until I got married. Or at least until I was older. This is a huge decision, and requires a lot of thought. If you want it to mean anything. I think you do.

Answer 11

there is not an age when your ready, it is when the body has established its hormon. you can have a job with benfits and your husband has a steady job also with benfits have high school diplma and have home by yourselves. love will be 4ever, if that is what it is, until you are older and ready. think if you had sex got pregnant who will raise your child (your mom) you wont be able to stay home and spend time with it or will mom have to, when your at school and working to get a job, get a puppy and support it before having sex and making a child that will not know who mom is because she did not understand what sex makes, after a good time and 9 months later ,think this too, you do it once you wont stop don't even do foreplay that is a opps happening