Why can't guys just be friends with a girl?

Question

I am having trouble friend wise because I don't get along with girls, but every time I try to have a guy as a friend he ends up falling in "love" (or lust) with me and I lose him as a friend becuse I won't date him.

I am 31 years old and divorced since last year. I don't flirt or lead guys on.. I am just myself. I have had too much happen in my life to pretend to be someone else. I am a single mom who has worked hard because I want my daughter raised the right way and don't rely on anyone else or try and get guys to pay for anything for me. I am a firefighter/emt and truck driver, but everyone tells me I definitly don't fit the profile for this. I had one guy tell me how amazed he was at me because with my looks and personality I had every right to be conceited and enjoy my poularity, but I don't want it. I waould rather be out on an ambulance helping someone than going to parties and meeting guys.

What do I do ( I really do NOT flirt, etc.) to keep guys as only friends?

These guys all know I had a terrible divorce and I have made it very plain that I am NOT interested in jumping back into another relationship anytime soon.

PS the other thing I hear is how hard it must be to be a single mom and don't I need someone to help. Is this just the protective side in guys and they don't like seeing a female struggle?

Answer 1

u r 31......single....the main reason u find guys falling in love/flirt with u is,
u r an easy source for flirting/love at no extra risk's....coz u r 31,hav a child working......u wont force a guy to marry nd/ etc....

so all the guys around u, take u as an easy soruce of dating with out any risks.....

the only solution i see for u, wait for a guy who understands ur situation and b friend for a lifetime........TIME will def find a good friend for u,jst dont loose hope, be patient!!!!

Answer 2

First, why do you consider friendship and love mutually exclusive? They're not, and dating a friend doesn't mean you'll lose him if it doesn't work out. If it's lust just hold on: it dies down after a time and no one is hurt, if it's love, they're more chances of busting it if you refuse than if you say, "why not?" or something similar.

Second, a friendship between the sexes is bound to be different from that between a woman and a woman or a man and a man. Once you acceot that, you'll see how things improve. I believe even a bit of flirting can take place, if both parties know it's just a joke. I flirt with my friends (and even colleagues), but they'd be horrified if they discovered I was really serious.

I have the same problem as you: I don't get on with men, whom mostly I find shallow and predictable. I have some good women friends, but still, I wonder if some of them wouldn't consider something else.

Answer 3

You must be a very attractive woman and most guys are playing that "friend card" as a way to try and get more from you. I have to tell you that is a hard problem to overcome. You need to find a mature guy that can accept only being friends. The description of yourself is very respectful and shows a very strong person. Men find qualities like that very sexy and desireable. I think all you can do is tell them up front that this is only for friendship and if they cannot keep it at that level than you have to end it. I'd be happy to chat more with you about this if you want to email me.

Answer 4

I think a guy can be your friend and be attracted to you. He just shouldn't make an issue of it. I have almost the same problem as you. I am a guy with many female friends. I am attracted to them all, but I don't make a problem out of it. My problem is when one decides she doesn't want to be just friends anymore I all of a sudden end up with a lot of catty jealous females. I can imagine you have the same problem with men. Be careful because that much jealousy is not fun to deal with. I would also say don't write them off because you are hurting because you might be sending away the one man who can make you happy. You sound like a good person, I wish you luck in figuring out your issue.

Answer 5

the truth is that the brain of men is meant to think more differently than those of ladies,jsut one single move a lady makes tell the opposite sex different signals.so it is not that u r flirty or so it is just that u hv to accept them lik that bcos when u try to shove them away they simple think u r playin the 'hard to get' game.
so most of the work will be on you in that u have to set the boundaries and whoeva is not comfortable with it should just take a hike.
sending mixed signal will only complicate issues.so just know what u want and stick to it.

Answer 6

Two things come to mind quickly;

First, hormones

Second, (this may be a little rough) as a guy, I do not want a female "friend". Women are not good friend material. Too many issues, hang-ups, emotions, too demanding, too protective, too insecure, too fragile emotionally.

Sure there are exceptions but a guy makes a much better friend. I can tell him he is stupid, he is wrong or he is a jerk and we will still be friends.

Sorry for being so frank; but you asked!

Answer 7

Because some guys just don't want to be your friend they want to be more than just a friend and that is real. I learned that from my husband when I asked him that same question and he gave me this answer.

Guys are not friend seekers when it comes down to girls, they want to drink and bed down with her that is the only way they can in there minds get to know a girl. Which I find it terribly ridiculous but that is how guys think.

Answer 8

Well first reason you 31 and in that age not a lot of woman like to hang out or have a guy just like a friend.

Answer 9

I'm 38 and have a lot of friends that are women and single. It is possible for men and women to be friends. Most guys that aren't married are usually looking for more. But there are a few that are able to do it. I'm one of them.

Answer 10

Tell them that you just got out of a terrible divorce and you are not interested in dating anybody, you only want friends.