How do I handle this woman?

Question

We dated last fall and I was attracted to her and developing deep feelings. She hated her ex-fiance but was hurt by him when he broke off the engagement. Because of that she kept everyone (including me) at arms length and acted cold and heartless. I tried to keep my cool and paitence but about six months ago she took me out to dinner for my birthday and I told her how I finally felt and told her that I feel sorry for her about what her ex did. Well dinner went to hell, she got pissed and I told her to leave me alone and get counseling (pretty mean but alcohol was involved). I sent her a very sincere apology the next day and refused to communicate with her again.

Last week she emailed me out of the blue apologizing for being "f'd up and resentful of her situation" and that she misses me and that she was so hurt. I care about her and am willing to see if she has changed. She asked me out tonight. What do I do or say to break the ice again and see if there is channge?

It was six months between the last time I talked to her and last week when she emailed me...

Oh yeah...she's a feminist too.

Answer 1

You know when we are hurt so badly we tend to lash out at everyone we see especially those who are happy and have nothing wrong with there personal lives, in her case she was hurt really bad and she didn't know how to deal with it. Perhaps you shouldn't have mentioned that about her ex since that was still a sore spot for her, but since she has apologized for her behavior and you did too why not try again and this time without the alcohol that is not good! (LOL!)

Obviously you feel something for her and she does for you too so lets try it much slower and maybe she will open up to you on how she feels and start from there. I'm sure that this time it will be better than the last time Chuck just have faith and just listen to her and be gentle with her for now.

Chuck somewhere, somehow you will find a way to make things right with this lady and by my faith I believe you will. Good luck and I hope that when you go out you will be happy and have lots of fun, just remember don't mention about the ex unless she wants to talk about it and even if she does ask her if she is comfortable talking to you about it.

Have fun!! :)

Answer 2

That email indicates that she's been thinking about you all this time! That's a pretty good sign, in my opinion. I've dated guys whose names I couldn't remember a week later.

Sure, give her another chance. We women can get pretty stupid when we're hurt (like you guys can't, huh?) and it sometimes just takes a bit of time to get our bearings back. I think an apology means a great deal.

Just be yourself, and talk about light things, as you might on a first date. I'm sure the direction you should go will become clear quickly, since you two have a history.

But be cautious, of course. You don't need your heart broken to make her feel better.

Good luck!

Answer 3

It won't take long to see if there are any changes (yah, fat chance!) No magic words or phrases. It will be really easy to see if it is all about her or a normal conversation.

The major question in my mind is why would you want to get mixed up with someone who is "f***kd" up so easily by someone else? Don't be her rescurer! She probably has more issues than you have seen or that you could possibly know yet. Just because she looks good on the outside, and being a guy that is what I suspect is the draw, doesn't mean things are reasonably normal on the inside.

Good luck!

Answer 4

You have to remember people don't change overnight, so chances are she probably will fly off the handle again. I don't know how many times people have sworn they will change, but sooner than later their back to their old ways. You can use this date to test the waters and ask her about her ex to see if she explodes again. Remember you should never have to walk on egg shells around someone. Good Luck!

Answer 5

I believe you should call this woman, and suggest the following: "Let's go on this date with the assumption that we've just met. You leave your past, with your former fiance in the past, and I'll leave our encounter there, too. Let's begin as "new" individuals with a mutual attraction and see if we can develop a healthy relationship. Please understand that if either of us begin dwelling on the past, the other is free to leave and write this off as an unworkable experience."
I believe this approach provides a new "platform," if you will from which to develop a friendship with this woman, if she's truly beginnng to change.

Answer 6

Go out with her how else u going to find out how she is doing...but tell her ur going as a friend only...as u need to give her time to get over the last relationship,for u want her whole not parts

Answer 7

Ask her if the two of you can start fresh. Put the past behind and make today the first day of the rest of your lives. One red rose might help the atmosphere as well.

Answer 8

Yeah hun, she was hurt. Give her a chance, an a*hole broke her heart. If she acts like that again then definatly leave it alone bc she is idiotic, but give it a chance :) good luck!

Answer 9

I would advise you to give her another chance. People do change, and they do make mistakes. I can assure you that if she has not changed, you know next time not to believe her when she says that she has.

Answer 10

Go out with her tonight sounds like all she needed was a little time.If she changed great.If not oh well.