Someone please make me laughf?

Question

I am tired at work and i have to be here till 5

Answer 1

Check out www.jokesgallery.com.....OR look in the mirror!!LOL

Answer 2

Towards the end of the golf course, Dave hit his ball into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch.
All of a sudden....POOF!! In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared.
She said, "I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? Just for doing what you have done, you won't have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life: better still, you
won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life.....As a matter of fact; you'll never have any butter for anything the rest of your
life!!!!!

Then POOF...she was gone!
After Dave recovered from the shock, he hollered for his friend, "Fred, where are you?"
Fred yells back "I'm over here in the p u s s y willows."

Dave shouts back, "DON'T SWING, Fred; FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T SWING"!

Answer 3

did u know:
- that the only animal that has a gold in its body is the giraffe under its eyelid.


- that no twins had been born in australia for 40 years.


- that all the people who live in Osaca (in japan) was born in the daylight no one at night for 70 years.


- that holland's flag was designed by the brazillian player Junior.



- that india does not have salt in it and take it from the sea.



- that the blood of wolves are a basic contents of Lipton tea.

Source(s):









did u know that all the above is Bullshit!
comon u believed it. GOTCHA!!

Answer 4

Italian mother visits her son Anthony in the big city and has dinner with his FEMALE roommate Maria. Mother always wondered about son's relationship with roommate. Dinner behavior makes her more curious. Son reads her mind and says, "Momma, I know what you must be thinking, but I promise you that Maria and I are just friends and roommates, nothing more." Mother seems satisfied and lets it go for rest of the evening.

One week passes. Roommate says, "Y'know that silver sugar bowl we had on the table. It's been missing since your mother came to visit. You don't think she took it, do you?" Son has previously brought mother into 21st century, sends her an email: "Dear Momma, I'm not saying you took the sugar bowl, and I'm not saying you didn't. I'm just saying it's been missing since your visit. Love, Anthony."

A couple days pass. Anthony gets a reply email: "Dear son, I'm not saying you ARE sleeping with your roommate and I'm not saying you AREN'T. I'm just saying that, if she was using her own bed, she'd have found the sugar bowl by now. Love, Momma."

Answer 5

Southern Astrology Signs

Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that read them.
If we are to ever fully understand all the star signs and the people they represent, we need symbols that all true Southerners
understand: See the list below...

WHAT'S YOUR SOUTHERN SIGN?

OKRA (Dec 22 - Jan 20)
Tough on the outside but tender on the inside.
Okras have tremendous influence.
Older Okras can look back over life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere.
You can do something good each day if you try.

CHITLIN (Jan 21 - Feb 19)
Chitlins come from humble backgrounds.
A Chitlin, however, will make something of himself if he is motivated and has lots of seasoning.
In dealing with Chitlins, be careful, they may surprise you.
They can erupt like Vesuvius.
Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra.

BOLL WEEVIL (Feb 20 - March 20)
You have an overwhelming curiosity.
You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to bore deep into the interior of everything.
Needless to say, you are very intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger.
You love to stay busy and tend to work too much.
No one in their right mind is going to marry you, so don't worry about it.

MOON PIE (March 21 - April 20)
You're the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch.
A cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies.
Big and round are the key words here.
You should marry anybody who you can get remotely interested in the idea.
It's not going to be easy.
You always have a big smile and are happy.
This might be the year to think about aerobics.
Maybe not.

POSSUM (April 21 - May 21)
When confronted with life's difficulties, possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a don't-bother-me-about-it attitude.
Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think you're dead.
This strategy is probably not psychologically healthy but seems to work for you.
You are a rare breed.
Most folks love to watch you work and play.
You are a night person and mind your own business.

CRAWFISH (May 22 - June 21)
Crawfish is a water sign.
If you work in an office, you're hanging around the water cooler.
Crawfish prefer the beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, and the bathtub to the living room.
You tend not to be particularly attractive physically, but you have very, very good heads.

COLLARDS (June 22 - July 23)
Collards have a genius for communication.
They love to get in the melting pot of life and share their essence with the essence of those around them.
Collards make good social workers, psychologists, and baseball managers.
As far as your personal life goes, Collards, should stay away from Crawfish.
It just won't work.
Avoid a big heartache.

CATFISH (July 24 - Aug 23)
Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, although one's whiskers may cause problems for loved ones.
You Catfish are never easy people to understand.
You run fast.
You work and play hard.
Even though you prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface of life, you are liked by most.
Above all else, Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies.

GRITS (Aug 24 - Sept 23)
Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself.
You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits.
You love to travel though, so you should think about joining a club.
Where do you like to go?
Anywhere they have cheese, gravy, bacon, butter, or eggs and a good time.
If you can go somewhere where they have all these things, that serves you well.
You are pure in heart.

BOILED PEANUTS (Sept 24 - Oct 23)
You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man.
Unfortunately, those who know you best, your friends and loved ones, may find that your personality is much too salty, and their criticism will affect you deeply because you are really much softer than you appear.
You should go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life.
On the road of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop for you.

BUTTER BEAN (Oct 24 - Nov 22)
Always invite a Butter Bean to a party because Butter Beans get along well with everybody.
You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud.
You've grown on the vine of life, and you feel at home no matter what the setting.
You can sit next to anybody.
However, you, too, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies.

ARMADILLO (Nov 23 - Dec 21)
You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually quite gentle and kind inside.
A good evening for you?
Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms, and insects.
You are a throwback.
You're not concerned with today's fashions and trends.
You're not concerned with anything about today.
You're almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns.
You probably want to marry another Armadillo, but a Possum is another somewhat kinky mating possibility.

Answer 6

Hey, I'm at work til 5 also. What's the difference between a rock and an engineer?

Answer 7

A blonde returns home very late from her business trip. Her room mate asks her why she is so late. The blonde replies, "It was all those signs". Her room mate says "what signs"? The blonde says, "Clean rest rooms ahead". lol

Answer 8

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb? you can unscrew a lightbulb.

Answer 9

If athletes get athletes foot,what do astronauts get?
mistletoe (missile toe)

Answer 10

If you scooch over a little closer, I'll tickle you.....;0)

Answer 11

go to www.funnyjunk.com there are tons of funny pictures, video clips and everything that will make your day.