How do I visit my in-laws but distance myself and stay out of the conversations?

Question

My husband's family have hated me since they met me 5 years ago. I married the only son of a divorced, needy, mentally unstable hag.

Everytime I see them I am super polite and join in the conversations so they will stop calling me "cold" and "different" from them.

But then after I am done talking, they judge me and dissect everything I said and just turn it all around to make me look like a *****.

So now, I don't care what they think, and I just want to go with my husband to visit them but I don't want to talk with them, I just want to sit there and listen to them and avoid talking so I don't get dirty looks or people telling me how my thinking is all wrong and they (the in-laws) are all right.

My stomach hurts at the thought of even seeing them, they are horrible people. How can I go with my husband as a family to see them but not have to be "involved"?

Answer 1

take your i-pod!

Answer 2

You 're going ot get dirty looks and be talked about in one way or another. First don't take it personally, because you already feel and know they are people that will never be happy no matter what. Just go and sit and if you can try and be busy with helping clean thigns up or watching the kids if any etc so you'r enot stuck in one place. Keep your comments to a mimimum but do talk. Its a lose lose situation and if you are doing it for hubby then grin and bare it. The real question here is WHERE is hubby in all this? Doesn't he stand up for you? Comment back? I used to have in-laws that never ever knew to say thank you or be polite or talk etc. COLD COLD FISH I know how you feel.

Answer 3

I applaud your resolve to join your husband on these visits.
Does your husband not explain to his family that their bad behaviour is rude, hurtful, and immature? That their bad behaviour serves no purpose other than to present themselves in a bad light continuously? I think that if he hasn't had the talk with them he should. He should explain that though they may not approve of you, he is married to you for better or worse. They should discontinue the practice of ostracizing you. If they can't do that then he should tell them that their opinion of you is a direct comment to how they feel about him, and that he should maybe not continue to bother them with his presence or yours.
Barring that, I guess you only participate in conversations in which you can respond to your husband, or to a direct question that they've asked you. Smile and nod at them, and if they question your behaviour just explain to them politely how much it hurts you and your husband when they treat you badly, so you've decided that since they aren't mature enough to accept you and your family, your role is that of support to your husband during these visits, and that's it. After 5 years of ridicule, you no longer wish to present yourself for the verbal slaying. Then say "but thank you for your concern". Smile and walk away.
I really hope that your husband stands up for himself, and his family though.
Good Luck.

Answer 4

I would stand up for myself. I would tell them why I didn't want to join in on any conversation and why you don't want to start one. I understand you don't want to cause any more conflict but once you stand your ground and let the hussy know where you stand maybe they will back off. I think you should really let them know what is going to happen when you have children. Her Grandchildren. And to let them know your are tired of being pushed and manipulated, That your your husbands wife and nothing is going to change that.

Answer 5

Good idea.. taking the ipod.. and place it in your ear where they cant see it.. just nod your head in agreement.. and just smile when your doing that.

I had an inlaw.. errr.. outlaw like that too.. Made Monster in law look like the cookie monster. I reached the point were I would think about things that mattered to me.. things I had to do.. errands I had to run.. and before I knew it.. I was thinking about my things.. and oblivious to what she was talking about to everyone else.. when they asked my opinion.. I would drift back and say.. oh.. sorry.. My mind was on other things.. and almost immediately after I said that.. I started drifting away again.. She called me names and stuff... but.. I really didn't care what she thought.. in the end.. she looked like the fool.. and I didn't.. took about 8 years for it to finally blow up in her face.. but it did..

Answer 6

know how u feel i hate going over to their house or anywhere they are.....just do your round of Hi, How are you's....then just sit there and listen i think the ipod thing is good but if u get caught they'll give u a hard time (I've tried it) another thing u can do is if u work.....have one of ur friends call u, then say sorry i have to take this its for work....then go into another room or bathroom and chit chat with ur friend for a while then return (works like a charm)

Answer 7

sound like a family i know lol, if there is kids around occupy and interact with them, its probably will be better conversation any ways and at least your day will be fun, this way they have to appraoch you and with kids theres always a reason to leave a conversation

Answer 8

well u can simply cary a gift for them n then tell them u r on the run or if they r having a conversation n they join u in tell them u have nothing to say...

Answer 9

tell them you had oral surgery and it hurts to move your jaw, be prepared and bring your own smoothies to sip.

My sympathies to you.