Why am I terrified? Please someone answer me!?

Question

I have been separated from my abusive husband for over a year. When I came to work this morning, his vehicle was parked at the building where I work and I saw him walking up to the building. I called up to the front desk and asked if he was still here, and the gal that answered said that he was here for training (which means that he will be here all day. I work in a building with approx. 100 other people, I know that he wouldn’t try anything, but yet having him in the building is just terrifying me. I do think that I have PSTD. There was only one instance of physical abuse, three years ago, but just seeing him has triggered so much anxiety about the emotional abuse that I can’t concentrate on work. The funny thing is that I can see him every other weekend in front of the sheriff’s office (in front of a video camera) alone. But I’m scared now.

I tried to get a restraining & also a stalking order against him, but in this little podunk town, judges don't like to give them when there are children involved (with proven physical abuse it's alittle bit easier).
No, the training is only for the day.
I've told some people, they told me to just stay in my office.

I know that this just sounds so totally irrational.
The abuse was mostly verbal & emotional; he played some pretty horiffic stuff on me when he first filed on me; put on his summons that he was the primary caretaker (so he got temporary custody) he wouldn't let me have visitation with my 3 yr. old unless I visited him in the home where he (the husband) could watch.
I have never done anything harmful to my children. It was six weeks of hell. Every time I would go to the home, I would be yelled at, belittled. Thank You, GOD (and I mean that) the judge gave me back temp custody. I now have the fact that loosing my baby to this hurtful person again. So that is hanging over me.

Answer 1

the more you share your feelings about this with your close friends the better you will feel. they can reassure you and if he really isn't a danger any more that will be proven through time.
maybe you should start doing some things to gain strength and confidence like martial arts? just a thought...sometimes that leads to great steps in personal development, you could even tell the instructor why you are taking the class and they would be more understanding and work closely with you to stay in your comfort zone. you'll be okay, especially with all those people around. sounds like something that you can get over. talk to a professional about it, don't rush to medicate. talking about is the first step. you'll come out of it with time....3 years isn't really that long when you think about it.

Answer 2

Do you have a restraining order against him? If you do, you can have him removed from the property by the police. I would get a full divorce, too, if I were you. You are obviously not going to ever go back to him if you are this scared (and you have a right to be). I would also seek help from a psyciatrist that specializes in Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. Chances are, he is working there just to be near to you ... either to be mean and vindictive, or because he cannot bear being without you. Either way, his behavior is not normal. I would get a restraining order if you do not already have one. Tell your friends and co-workers how you feel. They will look out for you. Also alert security and the front desk to your problem. Remember, you are not alone.

Answer 3

One must consider the emotions, which were experienced at the time of the abuse. Those emotions are implanted into the subconscious mind and stored there. Something suggests there was verbal abuse also.. adding to the trauma.

Those emotions become "Triggers" and create a response whenever they are touched by a new emotional reaction, eg: the thoughts of or, appearance of your husband. Those triggers can be reduced or eliminated with a simple process. One presently not available, to the general public.

Answer 4

When you see him on the camera, you know his whereabouts and he's not in the same building as you. You are feeling this because you are not in control of the situation. If you know what part of the building he is in, you need to avoid it. You also need to to tell someone close to you what is going on, just in case. It might be a good idea to speak with a trusted co-worker or your supervisor. The more people who know and who are in a position to help you if something should happen, the better. Have an exit plan for every area of the building and decide to be prepared-it helps you feel more in control, and heaven forbid, if something happened, you will have thought out your plan of action and do it without wasting time wondering what you should do.

Answer 5

He's watching you. He wants to make sure your life is a living hell and that you don't get into another relationship with anyone else. I think I would inform an executive of the company. If you can't get any help there then I woulld have a restraining order placed against him and require that he not be allowed to work in the same building.

Answer 6

I think it is okay to feel this way. It is a normal human emotion for people to experience anxiety or nervousness when faced with a problem or making an important decision. Anxiety disorders and panic disorders, however, are different. They can cause such distress that it interferes with a person's ability to lead a normal life.

Anxiety disorders cannot be prevented; however, there are some things you can do to control or lessen symptoms:

* Stop or reduce your consumption of products that contain caffeine, such as coffee, tea, cola, and chocolate.
* Ask your doctor or pharmacist before taking any over-the-counter medicines or herbal remedies. Many contain chemicals that can increase anxiety symptoms.
* Seek counseling and support after a traumatic or disturbing experience.
* Exercise daily and eat a healthy, balanced diet.

Answer 7

I empathize with you. You need to see a counsellor who will help you work through thr root causes of the terror you feel especially as the physical abuse happened only once, and that, 3 years ago. It is quite likely that with the help of a counsellor, you will be able to identify the real root causes of this problem.

In the interim, just be alert, and have an exit plan for any potential confrontation. Additionally, if you go everywhere you go in the building with another colleague preferably male, you are likely to feel more confident, and in the event of a meeting, he would have a far lower opportunity to cause you any mental or physical stress.

Finally, pray to God to help you get rid of the fear as it sounds relatively irrational to me since you have not expressed a real fear of being attacked, just a fear of seeing him.

Answer 8

I can relate to your situation 100%. You have to value what you have become today, and be happy about it. Every morning when I wake up after thanking God for another beautiful day I say to myself, I'M THE MOST HAPPIEST WOMAN IN THE WHOLE WORLD!!!!! And that have help me not to be afraid of anyone, because I don't let anyone to change the fact that I'm the happiest woman. If I "sense" somebody is going to disturb that, I stop them right there, by repeating to he/she & myself I'M THE MOST HAPPIEST WOMAN IN THE WORLD & I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR TROUBLES OR PROBLEMS, I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOU OR FEAR, I'M TOO HAPPY TODAY FOR THAT. Because all the pain that this person cause me, I don't let that to repeat. Lady, there's only 1 thing you have to be afraid of, and it's not that man!!! He's just a worm with 2 legs. Don't u know by now men that hurt women in any kind of way is because they are afraid of them. Just laugh right there in his face.Make sure you always have a smile on your face when he sees you, and a strong face. I'm not talking a flirty smile,or he will think something else. Take care of yourself, and remember, you are now the 2nd most happiest woman in the world ;)

Answer 9

Your feelings are a result of your mind relating your husband to bad memories. Why don't you get a restraining order ? That would keep him away. Nevertheless, if you work with a lot of people, some of them must be friends of yours. Try talking to them instead of going to a net group. We may have good intentions, but this is just virtual contact. It would be best for you some personnal contact.
Good luck.

Answer 10

Of course you are scared. Who wouldn't be? Its very traumatizing to be abused. You should really see a therapist to help you work through the mental anguish that this has caused.