Tell me something funny??!!?

Question

I dont't care what, i just need to lol.

Answer 1

The Day I Died

It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to
accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St.
Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first
man, "Tell me about the day you died."

The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an
affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all
over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out
onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man
hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a
hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some
bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony
and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack,
and I died."

St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it
was a crime of passion, he let the man in.

He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well,
sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on
the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and
slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the
apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my
fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then
the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!"

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really
start to enjoy this job.

"Tell me about the day you died?", he said to the third man in line.

"OK, picture this, I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator...."

Answer 2

Once there was a blonde who was out of money. She decided to become a handywoman in a rich neighborhood. So she goes up to the door of the first house and gives it a knock. A man answers it. She says to the man, "Do you have any jobs for me today?"

The man replies, "Yes, actually, I would like you to paint my porch. The paint cans are right on the steps. Let me know when you are done, and I'll pay you."

He shuts the door. The blonde gets to work.

30 minutes later, the blonde is finished. She goes up to the door and knocks. The man opens it and says, "Wow, done so soon?"

He gives her themoney, and just before she is about to head back home, she turns to the man and says, "You know, that thing isn't a Porsch. It's a Ferrari."

Answer 3

Mondray met clueless behind the bushes with the statues, but he was very dissatisfied so he met the girl next door in the back seat of dad's car.

No offense to anyone..if you will look at each ones answers you might think it is funny.

Answer 4

Junior had just received his brand new drivers license. To celebrate, the whole family trooped out to the driveway and climbed into the car for his inaugural drive. Dad immediately headed to the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. "I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," said the beaming boy to his old man. "Nope," came dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit back here and kick the back of your seat while you drive, just like you have been doing to me for sixteen years."

Answer 5

your avatar haha i crack myself up jk ummmmm For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.

"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.

The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.

"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.

Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on it's head."

haha check ya later ♥

Answer 6

Alexx,

That was funny. I find that eggplant is usually funny too but I must admit that your use of ham was both timed right and used in the correct context.

Answer 7

one day a guy was at church and he was praying, in front of him a fat woman had her dress stuck in her butthole so he took it out he got a black eye. the next sunday the same lady with the same problem was infront of him so his freind pulled her dress out and he shoved it back in.

Answer 8

I would and I could ,if I was face to face, so I am not , so i cant, I can only type lol

Answer 9

something funny!! (u just said to tell something funny)

Answer 10

erm well i have a big knob and my muscles are quite hard..and non existent :(