i need a laff
2006-06-15 04:09:23 · 8 answers · asked by jakyyyyyy 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Mailman's Last Day
It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.
The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.
She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice.
When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.
As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."
He said, "F__k him, give him a dollar."
The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."
2006-06-15 20:17:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Eleven people were hanging onto a rope under a helicopter, 10 men and one woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to drop off, otherwise they all were all going to fall.
They were not able to choose that person, but then the woman made a very touching speech.
She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as a woman she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids.
And, she said that she would do this for men in general without ever getting anything in return.
As soon as she finished her speech, all the men clapped .
2006-06-15 11:25:51 · answer #2 · answered by elmo0753 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.
The guy says, ''Who is this?''
''This is the maid,'' answers the woman.
''We don't have a maid,'' says the man.
The woman says, ''I was hired this morning by the lady of the house.''
The man says, ''Well, this is her husband. Is she there?''
The woman replies, ''She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband.''
The guy is fuming and says to the maid, ''Listen, would you like to make $50,000?''
The maid says, ''What will I have to do?''
The man tells her, ''I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the witch and the jerk she's with.''
The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots.
The maid comes back to the phone, ''What do I do with the bodies?''
The man says, ''Throw them in the swimming pool.''
Puzzled, the maid answers, ''But you don't have a pool.''
A long pause and the man says, ''Is this 567-5309?''
2006-06-15 11:16:13 · answer #3 · answered by ♠Mike♠ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life. A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl" The man says: - "But I am not a New Yorker!" "Oh ,then it will say in newspapers in the morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" – the policeman answers. "But I am not an American!" – says the man. "Oh, what are you then? " The man says: - "I am a Saudi !" The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog
2006-06-15 11:21:11 · answer #4 · answered by jaydrax 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A bear walks into a bar and the bartender asks "what can I do for you today?" The bear says "Can I have a red bull and a........................vodka!" The bartender says "sure but whats with the pause?" The bear then replies "Because I'm a bear!!" While holding up his paws. It's funnier in person but it is really cute.
2006-06-15 11:27:48 · answer #5 · answered by Juicy Fruit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you hear about the guy with five penises? his pants fit like a glove.
2006-06-21 21:23:58 · answer #6 · answered by Outman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did the baker have dirty hands? Because he KNEEDED a poo :-)
2006-06-15 11:14:32 · answer #7 · answered by Raw knows all 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Ap25IBOFUxjwjkFs7_mUBnDsy6IX?qid=20060615081904AAt1Ofi
2006-06-15 11:27:06 · answer #8 · answered by arkansas-gal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋