2006-06-15 03:57:45 · 7 answers · asked by ziphora 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.
"You're running around with other women," she charged.
"You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the only woman on earth." The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve.
"What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.
"Counting your ribs!"
This husband and wife are staying in a hotel, and after a romantic evening wining and dining they go off to bed. However, as soon as they settled down, the man (not quite ready for slumber) leans over and whispers softly, "Hey snuggle boopy boops, your lickle hubby wubby isn't quite ready for bye-byes yet."
The wife takes the hint and says, "OK, but I have to use the bathroom first." So off she goes but on her way back she trips over a piece of carpet and lands flat on her face.
Her husband jumps up and exclaims in a concerned tone "Oh my little honey bunny, is your nosey-wosey all right?"
No harm is done, so she jumps into bed and they have mad passionate sex for three hours. Afterwards, the wife goes off to the bathroom again, but on her way she trips over the same piece of carpet and again lands flat on her face on the floor.
Her husband looks over and grunts "Clumsy b***h."
HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN:
Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, make plans, fix, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, bathe, humor, placate, stimulate, jiffylube, stroke, console, purr, hug, coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch, toast, minister to, forgive, sacrifice for, ply, accessorize, leave, return, beseech, sublimate, entertain, charm, lug, drag, crawl, show equality for, spackle, oblige, fascinate, attend, implore, bawl, shower, shave, trust, grovel, ignore, defend, coax, clothe, brag about, acquiesce, aromatize, fuse, fizz, rationalize, detoxify, sanctify, help, acknowledge, polish, upgrade, spoil, embrace, accept, butter-up, hear, understand, jitterbug, locomote, beg, plead, borrow, steal, climb, swim, nurse, resuscitate, repair, patch, crazy-glue, respect, entertain, calm, allay, kill for, die for, dream of, promise, deliver, tease, flirt, commit, enlist, pine, cajole, Anglicize, murmur, snuggle, snoozle, snurfle, elevate, enervate, alleviate, spotweld, serve, rub, rib, salve, bite, taste, nibble, gratify, take her places, scuttle like a crab on the ocean floor of her existence, diddle, doodle, hokey-pokey, hanky-panky, crystal blue persuade, flip, flop, fly, don't care if I die, swing, slip, slide, slather, mollycoddle, squeeze, moisturize, humidify, lather, tingle, slam-dunk, keep on rockin' in the free world, wet, slicken, undulate, gelatinize, brush, tingle, dribble, drip, dry, knead, fluff, fold, blue-coral wax, ingratiate, indulge, wow, dazzle, amaze, flabbergast, enchant, idolize and worship, and then go back, and start again.
HOW TO SATISFY A MAN:
Show up naked with food.
A young couple is out carousing one evening. While driving down the highway the guy says to the girl, "If I go 100 miles an hour, will you take off your clothes?"
She agrees and he begins to speed up. When the speedometer hits 100 she starts to strip. When she gets all her clothes off he is so busy staring at her that he drives off the road and flips the car.
The girl is thrown clear without a scratch but her clothes and her boyfriend are trapped in the car. "Go get help," he pleads.
She replies, "I can't! I'm naked."
He points to his shoe that was thrown clear and says, "Cover your snatch with that and go get help." She takes the shoe, covers herself, and runs to the gas station down the road.
When she arrives, she is frantic and yells to the attendant, "HELP! HELP! My boyfriend's stuck!"
The attendant looks down at the shoe covering her crotch and replies, "I'm sorry, Miss. He's just too far in."
2006-06-15 05:15:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Eleven people were hanging onto a rope under a helicopter, 10 men and one woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to drop off, otherwise they all were all going to fall.
They were not able to choose that person, but then the woman made a very touching speech.
She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as a woman she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids.
And, she said that she would do this for men in general without ever getting anything in return.
As soon as she finished her speech, all the men clapped .
2006-06-15 11:09:10 · answer #2 · answered by elmo0753 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom.
As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it!" "Dear," the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, "I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me that he thinks you're really cute!"
2006-06-15 11:14:22 · answer #3 · answered by ♠Mike♠ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man and a woman who were deeply in love and engaged to be married died shortly before their wedding. When they got to heaven they decided to petition God to allow them to be married. God told them to come back and see him in 5 years if they still wanted to be married.
5 years later they returned and asked again. God told them that he was glad they loved each other so much, but to come back in another 10 years.
10 years later they returned still in love and still wanting to get married. God granted thier wish and they were married by a priest before God.
10 years later they had grown apart and no longer loved each other as they once had. They went to God and asked him if they could get a divorce. God answered that this was next to impossible. They could not understand and asked him why he would not grant thier request, was it truly a sin to get a divorce.
God looked at them and answered, "You saw how long it took for me to find a priest in heaven. How long do you think it would take for me to find even one lawyer?"
2006-06-15 13:03:34 · answer #4 · answered by wyldcatt76 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A couple were indulged in sexual intercourse and the man noticed that with each movement of his pelvis, his partner's toes would rise.
Later that night, while going at it pretty hot and heavy in the shower, her toes remained still. Confused, he asked, "Why is it that when we do it in bed, your toes go up, but when we do it in the shower, they don't?"
"Silly," she replied, "I take my pantyhose off in the shower!"
hehe
2006-06-15 11:33:26 · answer #5 · answered by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ask him does he know the difference between Sugar and Sweet and Low? when he says no, tell him you will show him when you see him. Sugar (you give him a kiss) Sweet and Low you drop to his waist grab his hips and say this is Sweet and Low!!!!!!!
2006-06-15 11:23:19 · answer #6 · answered by appleblossom1228 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry, can't help you.
2006-06-15 11:00:21 · answer #7 · answered by william the wizard 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋