A 13 year old girl is going to her friends house. Her parents know exactly where she is, who her friends are, & when she is going and coming home. She told her parents to not tell her siblings or relatives about where she is going & who her friends are because it is not their business. She is not fighting with her siblings. She just don't want them to know about it. But her parents say "you have no right to tell us who to and who not to tell. We are the parents not you. I can give you rules. You can't give me rules. We can tell if we want. It is not their business, but it is mine. So I have the right to tell if I want to." Are her parents reasonable? Parents should respect their kids' business and not tell others if the kids don't wish their business to be told to others. Right? What would you do as the parent? There is a difference between giving rules & respecting the kids business. Right?
2006-06-15 03:26:54 · 12 answers · asked by youngwoman 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
The child is being unreasonable. A 13-year old doesn't have "business."
2006-06-15 03:31:53 · answer #1 · answered by Melissa P 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a parent, she probably would have gotten the same response from me be she 13 or 16.
First off, a 13-year old should really know better than to "tell" her parents to do anything. It's confrontational and is a surefire way of getting the exact response she got. And I would imagine that if she would have presented it as a request ("Could we keep where I'm at between us?", or "I would appreciate it if you didn't tell so-and-so where I'm at.") rather than a demand, there would have been no problem.
The early teens are a time when parents begin to see that their role in their child's life is shifting from that of the ultimate authority that young children need to that of the counselor and guide needed by young adults. Some are not able to make that transition easily; but with a daughter at age 13, they should still retain and occassionally exert some of the authority that comes with being "the parent". That said, this may not have been the best opportunity to exercise the authority over something this small.
2006-06-15 10:44:35 · answer #2 · answered by hogan.enterprises 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This has be a totally idiotic question. There are many reasons a parent would not respect your request.
A - They were going out and a older sibling or relative was at home and they gave them the information incase something happens.
I'm sure if your parents went out and got killed in an accident you would want to know right away.
B - It's all in the way you ask them not to tell anyone else. Asking and telling a parent not to do something are 2 differant things.
C - It's not your life until you get out on your own.
2006-06-15 10:34:07 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe the 13 year old girl was ill-mannered and very disrespectful when she TOLD her parents not to tell anyone. And when the parents said those words, they probably weren't even planning to tell anyone; they were just clarifying their rights as parents.
I think there are some things you ommitted in your story. It's possible one or two of her siblings/relatives know the real deal and are likely to object to her visiting her friend. Otherwise, what's wrong with telling her siblings (at least) when she had already told her parents?
2006-06-15 10:40:17 · answer #4 · answered by professor x 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They are right about he child not telling them what to do and maybe if the child asked differently, she would have gotten a different response. "Mom, Dad, do you think that it would be okay if didn't tell anyone where I am or who I'm with? I just want some private time with my friends. If not, I understand. I just figured it wouldn't hurt to ask." That might get her a better response.
Anyway, what's the big deal about telling people? Is her brother/sister going to come over and harass them? She should really grow up and act 13, not 5.
2006-06-15 11:10:17 · answer #5 · answered by proud_usmc_wife04 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The 13 year old needs to wake up and realize what her position is in the family, and it is not as an authority figure. That sounds to me as if a 13 year old is trying to manipulate the parents into taking orders from a child.
2006-06-15 12:20:14 · answer #6 · answered by kathy059 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would have the same reaction if my child "told " me what to do. You should ask and explain why, actually talk to your parents. But in the end they are the parents and it's their way. Idon't think your request is unreasonable but like others have said, they may feel a need for someone else to know. If my daughter asked me and would respect her wishes as best I could, but if I felt someone else would need to know, then I'd tell them.
2006-06-15 16:57:34 · answer #7 · answered by Carp 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a parent I'd respect the wishes of my child not to let her other friends know where she was if she asked me not to, but they are right in the aspect that you shouldn't tell them not to tell your other friends where you are. You might explain why you don't want your other friends to know where you are and see how that works out for you.
2006-06-15 10:32:32 · answer #8 · answered by Diana C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tuff one, but good question. I think if i was a parent I would probably keep it confined within us, I mean she did tell me in detail who her friends were, I've met them, I know exactly where she's going and with who, right? So I don't see why not! I'll keep it confidential just cause she wants me to, I mean I know all the important stuff, so I don't mind keeping something like that confined.
2006-06-15 10:40:08 · answer #9 · answered by SuzzyLou 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the way the 13 year old speak to her not to tell her other silbing irrated the parent.
So when there is not really an excuse to scold her.
The I am parent, you are a kid thing appear.
2006-06-15 11:24:14 · answer #10 · answered by redhead2734 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋