Are we protecting our kids' feelings too much?

Question

Last night the wife and I went to our daughter's school to get a year end progress report. We, and all the other parents, were told there would no longer be a grade school honor roll printed in the local paper because it's not fair to the kids that didn't make it. I was steamed. Now we can't acknowledge what our kids achieve academically?
Then for my daughter's b-day party she could not pass out invites in class. They had to be mailed, so as not to hurt feelings of the uninvited. This is up there with everyone gets a card on Valentine's Day. Argh!
Also the other day my daughter participated in some competitons at school... and came home with a "participant ribbon". EVERYONE gets a ribbon!
BUT... the real world doesn't work like this. Better they find that out now then when they graduate high school or college.
Am I just too much of a hard @ss? When I was a kid I survived not getting cards or ribbons. It's a part of life.
How do you feel about this issue?

Answer 1

Personally, I am right there with you. Children should be taught what it will be like in the real world.

It IS all about winning and losing and just because you participate, doesn't mean you get any special recognition.

If a child has earned a spot on the Honor Roll, then that accomplishment should be recognized and announced as it will make other children work that much harder to achieve the same status.

As for the party invitations, valentines, etc, what a load of crap!!!! The last time I checked, we all survived growing up knowing that there were certain people who did not like us for whatever reason, and the last time I checked, it didn't kill a one of us. It did, however, teach us a valuable lesson of treating others as we would like to be treated.

This load of hooey about not damaging a child's psyche by everyone getting participation ribbons, no team winning or losing, etc., is not teaching them how to be happy, healthy adults. It is however, setting them up for failure as adults because they won't know how to accept constructive criticism, or blame for their actions. It will always be someone else's fault that they have failed. By this course of action, our children are being set up for years of psychotherapy when they get out into the real world.

Answer 2

This is not caused by teacher attitude regarding fairness, but by the courts.

The court system tends to support parent claims that not giving their child a certificate or ribbon, having exclusive listings like honor roll, etc. is damaging to their self esteem.

Most of us find it horribly ironic that the very parents who don't have time to help their kids with homework or to give them quality time, have the time and energy to haul schools into court for something like "my kid didn't get on the honor roll, even then he/she didn't do the work, and it isn't fair." We also find it horrifying that judges tend to believe these parents over the teachers who spent every day trying to coax that very child into learning something.

Schools hardly have the money to make their budget when everything is going well. Lawsuits take money out of the classroom.... so schools do everything they can to avoid lawsuits.

Privately, most teachers will agree with you... but won't say it publicly because that opens them up for a lawsuit.

Some educational lawsuits are very justified. In spite of all the hoops one must jump through to beome a teacher, the procedures, standards, and safeguards, there ARE incompetent teachers and administrators. There are important supports for students that go undone unless parents push.

However, this business of not allowing exclusive awards one must earn is ridiculous. Not to mention not being able to directly say to a parent... your child has difficulty behaving, and you need help figuring out how to deal with things at home... here's the business card of the nearest parenting class provider....

Answer 3

Participation ribbons are reliable. It quite would not mark any success- yet in existence participation is ninety 9% of success too. Honor rolls are reliable. i'd talk to the imperative and rally some PTA help with that one. Being comfortable about b-day invites is reliable- yet i love a reminder to be comfortable somewhat than a mandate on what could be performed. Valentines to the full classification is reliable- it teaches to be effective to really everyone, a minimum of on that in the destiny. For the most area I accept as true with you. It does our little ones a disservice to no longer be better honest, inspite of the actual undeniable truth that each and each baby advantages to sense worth and particular of their personal strategies too. My personal adventure with this replaced right into a ludicrous spelling bee. at the same time as little ones (my daughter merely complete 4th) mispelled- the grand puba/helper/coaching counselor did not say "i'm sorry, it really is incorrect," she appeared into the target market grief bothered & whined "can we've a mom right here?" each baby went off crying. Ridiculous. My daughter replaced into disenchanted yet did not run out of the room like another baby out in the previous her- I stood up and motioned for her to sit down down with me and watch some thing else. Duh.

Answer 4

I agree, the real world is not like this, better to ease them into small disapointments as a child than protect and then, whammo, when they go out and get a job

Answer 5

Kids should get a personal letter if they make the honor roll, it shouldn't be made public in the newspaper.

Answer 6

You are completely correct. I think that is is good to recognize excellence or we won't have it.