Can you share with me one nice joke please?

Answer 1

god made coke
god made pepsi
god made me so damn sexy
god made rivers
god made lakes
god made you
well we all make mistakes

if you use this please give me credit

Answer 2

These are'nt exactly jokes but they're funny!
Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods...

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)(Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this...)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

Answer 3

Noah And The Ark

The Lord spoke to Noah and said, "Noah, in six months I am going to make it rain until the whole world is covered with water and all the
evil things are destroyed. But, I want to save a few good people and two of every living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build
an ark." And, in a flash of lightning, he delivered the specifications for the ark.

"OK," Noah said, trembling with fear and fumbling with the blueprints, "I'm your man."

"Six months and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "You better have my ark completed or learn to swim for a long, long time!"

Six months passed, the sky began to cloud up, and the rain began to fall in torrents.
The Lord looked down and saw Noah sitting in his yard, weeping, and there was no ark.

"Noah!" shouted the Lord, "where is My ark?" A lightning bolt crashed into the ground right beside Noah.

"Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best, but there were some big problems."
"First, I had to get a building permit for the Ark's construction, but your plans did not meet their code.
So, I had to hire an engineer to redo the plans, only to get into a long argument with him about whether to include a fire-sprinkler system."

"My neighbors objected, claiming that I was violating zoning ordinances by building the ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning board."

"Then, I had a big problem getting enough wood for the ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to save the spotted owl. I tried to
convince the environmentalists, and the Ministry of Natural Resources, that I needed the wood to save the owls, but they wouldn't let me
catch them, so no owls."

"Next, I started gathering up the animals, but got sued by an animal rights group that objected to me taking along only two of each kind."

"Just when the suit got dismissed, Environment Canada notified me that I couldn't complete the ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of a Supreme Being."

"Then, the Conservation Authority wanted a map of the proposed flood plan. I sent them a globe!"

"Right now, I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission over how many minorities I'm supposed to hire."

"Revenue Canada has seized all my assets claiming that I am trying to leave the country, and I just got a notice from the province that I owe some kind of use tax. Really, I don't think I can finish the ark in less than five years."

With that, the sky cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow arched across the sky.

Noah looked up and smiled. "You mean you are not going to destroy the world?" he asked hopefully.

"No," said the Lord, "the government already has!"

Answer 4

Here is a few: (sorry if you are a blonde, i know how you feel i am blonde too)

1)Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Friday?
A: Tell the blonde a joke on Tuesday!


2) Once there was a blonde that was tired of being called a dumb blonde
so she died her hair brown. One day while she was walking she saw a
sheep farm she usually sees when she goes on her daily walk. She
noticed that the farmer was out and decided how to get a free sheep
from him.

She walks up to him and says, "Hey, if I guess how many
sheep you have can i have one?"

The famer says, " Yeah sure, go ahead."

So she says, " 137" and then she picks up one of the sheep.

The farmer replies, "Wow, how'd u guess?"

Blonde: "Oh just a good guess."

Farmer: "wait, if i guess your real hair color will u give me bak
my sheep?"

Blonde: "ok, shoot"

Farmer: "your a dumb blonde."

blonde: "yeah how'd you know?"

farmer: "oh just a good guess, now can you give me back my DOG!"



3)One day a blond walked in to electronics store, looks around and walks
up to the cashier and says "Sir i want to bye this tv." The cashier says"
We don't sell to blonds."So the blond walks to the wig store across the
street and gets a brown wig and goes back to the store and walks to
the cashier and says the same thing. The cashier said "we don't sell to
blonds." She walks back to the wig store and gets a red wig and goes
back to the stor and says the same thing. The cashier said "We don't
sell to blonds!" The blond screams out "I came with 3 hair colors and
you still knew I was a blond! How did you Know???"The cashier
said "Because that is not a tv it is a microwave"

Answer 5

Here is a nice, clean one, Shankari :
A man runs into the vet’s office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table.
The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.
The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog’s body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog’s body and finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and says, ‘I’m sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too’.
...The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.
The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, ‘I’m sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too’.
The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, ‘$ 650’.
...‘$ 650 to tell me my dog is dead ?’ exclaimed the man...
‘Well’, the vet replies, ‘I would only have charged you $ 50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $ 600 was for the cat scan and lab tests’ !
:-))

Answer 6

What r the different methods 2 catch a lion?
*Einstein's method-run in the direction opposite 2 that of the lion.Due 2 higher relative speed, the lion will also run faster & get tired.
*Kerala Police style-Catch any animal & torture it,till it accepts that it is a Lion!
One more-Sardar bought a puzzle game.It took him 8 hard months to finish it.he was so proud of himself b'coz at the side of the box ,it was written 2-3 yrs!Enjoy

Answer 7

Men are like....

1. Men are like ........Laxatives . They irritate the **** out of you.

2. Men are like . Bananas . The older they get, the less firm they are.


3. Men are like . Weather . Nothing can be done to change them..

4. Men are like ........ Blenders . You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like . Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like ....... Commercials . You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like ........ Department Stores . Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

8. Men are like . Government Bonds . They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like . Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like . Popcorn . . They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like . Snowstorms . You never know when they're coming,
how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like . Lava Lamps . Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like . Parking Spots . All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

Answer 8

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with a spear lodged in his chest and tape over his mouth while he is on fire. No further studies are expected.

Answer 9

Alsalamu Alaikum. i'm going to share With You What Alrasoul Alkareem Muhammed SALA ALLAH ALAIH WASALAM joked as quickly as With a woman From SAHABA, He advised Her That Her Husband have been given Whites In His Eyes, She theory Its some thing undesirable Or A Desease So She Ran To Her Husband & Deeply Checking His Eyes, Then He asked what's the story.? She advised Him approximately What The Rasoul SALA ALLAH ALAIH WASALAM advised Her & He LOL & advised Her Its A comedian tale because of the fact all and sundry have been given Whites In His Eyes. might Allah deliver at the same time Us All With Our Love Muhammed SALA ALLAH ALAIH WASALAM. notice:- Please Brother supply The BA To famous guy or woman Princess.

Answer 10

A little boy walks on an elevator and there is a beautiful woman standing there. The little boy asks the woman, "Can I smell your feet?"
The woman replies with a repulsed look on her face, "No, you cannot smell my feet!"
The little boy snapped back, "Oh, it must be your crotch."

(they wont let me put the real word, but think of another word for cat)

Answer 11

Adam and Eve have just fornicated for the first time and Adam goes into the river to clean himself up. Suddenly the voice of God booms down from the heavens, "ADAM! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO GET THE SMELL OUT OF THE FISH!!" hehehe....enjoy