Need help with daughter please?

Question

My daughter is 5 years old. For about 4 months or more she has been very different to us ( more me her mom) She was a very outgoing, love everyone kind of kid but for some reason she is not like that to much anymore. She needs lots of attention. She does not listen, won't cooperate, shouting at family and friends, tells storys, won't sleep, fear of being alone.
Today she had a friend over and I could hear her friend say stop it, stop it I went to her room and she was on her friend with a blanket over her not letting her up. I asked why she did it and she said it was fun. I asked if she thought her friend thought so and she said no. I then asked why she did it if she didn't think her friend would like it and she said I don't know.
We have days where she is great. She is very thoughtful with our family. She is funny and loves everyone. She really is a good girl when we have good days. She has a big heart and I know she does get hurt easy.
I don't her to have no friends HELP!

Please try to be nice people this is my baby we are talking about. I really am sad and hurt that I did something to make her so upset at the world. I am a SAHM and I do so much stuff with my kids. I go to the zoo once a week. We play games, movie night, craft time. I just don't get it. I can't even sleep I just want my baby back. :(

Answer 1

As a mom myself, this is a hard thing to say but... I think my first question would be, did something happen to my child to cause this kind of behavior. I think that I would seriously, in all honesty, have to rule out the off chance that someone had abused my child. First think about whether or not your child is ever left alone with another older child or adult, where the opportunity would have come up for someone. I know that's a very hard thing to think about, but it's a very real possibility. As horrifying as it, I know a girl who's 5 year old daughter was being raped by the mother's brother when the mother was in bed sleeping at night. So it's a very real possibility in the world, even as sickening as the thought is. Children react to things that are going on in their world... if a child is reacting in anger and acting out in a bad way, my first thoughts would be: Is there any chance of some kind of abuse going on? Was there something tramatic that happened in this child's life to trigger such behavior? Something as simple as a change in routine could cause acting out if the child feels he/she isn't getting the same kind or amount of attention they used to. You also have to take into consideration the age factor if the other things are definitely not a possibility. As children hit that age, they become more independent and sometimes that's a scary thing for them. With the thought of leaving mom to go to school, a child at age 5 could start acting out and craving more attention because of a fear of seperation coming up when they start school (or started school). I would say that the most important step in correcting the behavior is finding out what is at the root of it and fixing that while trying to reform the bad behavior.

That being said, there are several different things to try. With my oldest son, a sticker chart/reward system worked great at that age. We got a poster board and put each child's name on it (like a graph), then when chores were done - my youngest children had simple chores such as picking up dirty clothes off the bathroom floor and putting them in the hamper after bath time - or when the child had a good day, they would get a sticker. We had different value for different size stickers. If they were bad, they would get a "bad sticker" or a "black X". At the end of the week, we would add up the value from the stickers (good and bad) then come up with the total and they would get to choose a reward for what they earned. Some of the rewards were a small toy, or getting to pick what movie we watched that day, or going to mcdonald's for lunch and getting a kid's meal, etc...
Another thing we tried was poker chips. When the child did something he/she was expected to do, they would recieve a poker chip. If the child behaved badly, something was taken away (like a toy or game) and put on top of the refridgerator. At the end of the week, we would go to the "store" at the top of the fridge and he/she was given the opportunity to buy back one of their toys with the chips they'd earned that week. That way they understood that they would get things taken away if they didn't behave appropriately with their things, and would have to be good to earn them back.

I hope that things work out well for you and your daughter. If nothing else you may want to check into some kind of counseling for you and your daughter together so that you can find out what the problem is and get some help/support in fixing it. Most areas have a group called M.O.P.S. (mothers of preschoolers) which can be a great help too, having a support network of other moms going through similar things with children the same age.
Hope this helps

Answer 2

Has anything in her environment changed? It sounds like she is going through a very emotionally confused time and is not sure what is appropriate and what isn't or that she is seeking negative attention.
My first guess would be that in the past 6 months some kind of stress has affected her. Maybe a move? New caregiver (suspect abuse?)? Or something like that.
First of all, refocus your energy. Think positive. How can you help her to control her inappropriate actions? Maybe she needs more encouraging attention.
Make a chart with about 30 smilies on it. Think of 3 things you want to encourage her. When she does those things (listens the first time, is kind to her friend for 30 minutes, an hour, etc. doesn't shout for half a day, tells the truth after being "caught" telling a story, etc, etc)

When her smilies are full she gets a special treat, something personal versus something purchased is better. An ice cream cone with mom or dad alone. A special trip to the park. A friends over.

hope this helps,
mom of 7 yr old and 4 yr old

Answer 3

We use a time out chair with my grandson. Every time he does something that is a neg. attention seeking. We sit and talk to him softly even while he is screaming at us. He put a pillow over his 4 month old brothers head. He thought it was funny. It took about 1 month to get through to him. We still use the chair but not as much. We tired the sticker method didn't work. They need rewards immediate. Sometimes kids do this to show parents they are going to do what they want. Take control of the household. Other times it could mean your child could have a bigger problem. Please don't rule it out. I have seen many kids go bad for no reason but parents not wiling to look at every options. Good Luck.
We did get a special chair that even said Time Out Chair.

Answer 4

My youngest daughter did some of the same things when she was a little girl. She had a lot of symptoms; I just didn't know the signs. She became physically ill also. I found out when she got older she was sexually abused by a neighbor. Children don't understand why they react as they do to things. I took her to a doctor and she had every test done you could think of. What made me take her to a psychiatrist is after a teacher showed me her art work. She had drawn the sun, crying. The colors used were dark. I thought she was sad but didn't know why. The psychiatrist told me she was depressed at the age of 7. Why, he never found out. She told me when she was about 16. I found a good bit of information on this and other signs in children for other forms of abuse or maltreatment as it is stated, on msn.com/health. The link is below.

Answer 5

I would take your daughter to a doctor to find out if she might possibly have a problem such as ADHD, ADD, or Bi-polar disorder. Also, maybe a good doctor could talk to her and find out if there has been any incidents which occurred within the last year that may be causing her personality change. I hope you will have much success with getting help for your daughter and that she will be happy & more cooperative with her family/friends.

Answer 6

Sounds like your may need to get a hold of a child physiologist. but until then be firm, if she is cruel again warn her you will empty out her room of everything she owns, then she will have to earn them back one by one, by doing nice things to people. I am a true believer in consequences, if she does the crime she must pay the price.
Reasons for this sudden change could be a concern, make sure nobody is abusing her. Talk to her calmly, the child physiologist should be able to help out here.
hope this helps

Answer 7

I used to be like that but my parents never did anything they thought it was normal turns out it wasnt a couple years later I turned to cutting my upper arms and legs it made me feel better I just didnt feel connected with anyone in my family but now everything fine good relationship with family and no more cutting maybe you should try talking with her all alone but try not to yell dont let her turn to cutting for comfort hope I helped.

Answer 8

Either she is acting out from something that has happened to her that you don't know about or she is having behavior problems that she needs to see someone about to get to the bottom of it. Try to sit her down and ask her questions...did someone hurt you...did you see something that scared you...things like that. She's old enough to talk about stuff once she feels comfortable.

Answer 9

not easy to gulp that story ... but if it is true ... U need a psychiatric treatment to educate ur daughter well .. in the first place... parents today are so ignorant ...EDUCATION and GOOD HABITS ..DOES BEGIN AT HOME... Somewhere ..it's u who might be wrong.. Be a Responsible parent and handle the child carefully

Answer 10

I know this may be hard to hear but could someone have done something to your daughetr that you didnt know about. Maybe she is upset or angry bcoz of this.