how i should deal with my son when he gets angry and starts banging on things?

Question

he is 8 years and very impatient too.

Answer 1

It sounds like he has an impulse control disorder. I don't think he knows how to control his anger, his energy and his emotions. I know it sounds strange, but it couldn't hurt to take him to a child psychiatrist. My daugther sees one for other reasons, but one thing was that she couldn't control her emotions very well. The counseling has helped her a lot. My friend's son was like your son. As he's gotten older, he's outgrown much of this behaviour. One thing that helped him was that at his school the counselor worked with him and other kids, they had "group" once a week. It wasn't group therapy like adults have, instead the counselor would have them role-play, play games and create little situations to see how they would handle it. See if your son's school or a local counseling service has anything like this. I know some people think counseling and stuff is only for crazy people, but kids can really benefit if they have ongoing issues that need to be worked out.

Answer 2

Why does he get angry? Have you asked him? If you don't know then I would suggest taking him to your doctor and hopefully he will suggest a counselor.

Children react in ways we don't understand because they don't understand how else to react. Is he being bullied at school or having a hard time socially? Are there problems at home?

Spanking an angry child is nonsense and does not resolve anything. Punishing a person for being angry is not an intelligent way to handle anger. Would you punish him for being happy?

I would definitely call the school and find out what is going on in the classroom. Talk to the people he interacts with and take a good look at your own self and the environment you provide for him. Is it safe and can he speak openly about things with you?

If you can't find answers by asking questions, I would suggest taking him to see your family physician; not asking questions on Yahoo.

Answer 3

I completely sympathize with you. I have a 10 year who graduated from banging to throwing things. He tells me he hates me, doesn't respect me and depending on how mad he is he will curse at me. If you met him when he isn't upset you would see how nice and loving he is. I'm working hard with him. I get rid of toys for good. I make him go to bed an hour early. I ground him. I take away the for a day or two. The most important thing is to follow through on any punishment or restriction you give out. Unfortunately these measures haven't worked so now he sees a therapist who specializes in anger control. I hope that you get him under control now because it just gets worse and worse. Good Luck.

Answer 4

Have you had your child checked for a sensory disorder? I think the first things I would do would be to have him checked for a sensory disorder, or an attention disorder such as ADD or ADHD.
The next step, if he doesn't have a sensory disorder, would be to remove him from the situation, calming him down and explaining why that behavior is unacceptable, then explaining what is acceptable.
There's obviously some issues there for him to react that way, and to solve the problem you must get to the root of the cause. Aside from that, reinforcing possitive behavior and taking "time outs" when he's getting frustrated and/or impatient with things would be a good idea. At that age, he's old enough to take his own "time out" if he starts to feel impatient and/or frustrated with a situation. Let him know that when he starts to feel that way, it's okay for him to go into another room and sit quietly for a few minutes while he calms down and gets a handle on himself then return to the situation to try to solve it the correct way.
My oldest son has ADHD and he gets very frustrated and impatient alot. He's now 10 years old, and he knows that when a situation gets to him he can take a time out and go sit quietly by himself while he calms down and takes some deep breaths, then he thinks through the situation and what he should do to resolve it before he comes back to handle it. As a parent, you have to allow a child with this kind of problem to take the time they need before dealing with whatever situation it is. Allow them (encourage them) to take a few deep breaths and think things over before they react or before you discuss what happened and how to resolve it. Encourage them to say how they feel rather than acting it out, if they say "I'm frustrated because..." or "I feel that..." it may help them to not react in that way. The next time your son becomes angry, calmly ask him "Why are you so angry?" and give him the opportunity to answer with "I'm angry because..." or ask him "How are you feeling right now?" and help him to tell you "I feel...." This might help him to think about how he's feeling and express his anger in words rather than actions. Validate his feelings so that he doesn't become more frustrated and show him that he needs to express it in a more possitive way. "I understand that you're angry, and it's okay to be angry. Can you tell me why you feel so angry?" is a good way to do this, or "I understand that you're angry. Take a few deep breaths and calm down, then let's talk about this and see if we can find a way to fix the problem" is another good way to help him find an alternative to banging on things.

Answer 5

the best thing I can say is discipline. If you don't start while he is this age you will have alot to deal with when he gets older. I believe in spankings with the belt that's how I learned and I'm very graceful for that. But if that doesn't work for put him on punishment and take things away from him then he knows that your not playing with him. The key is don't give them what they want because then they will manipulate you. Good Luck! and remember to stand still and be firm in your decision . Your the adult and they are the child. That's what the law would say.

Answer 6

My first response is to explore the manner in which you and or any other significant adults in his life express their anger. Are you impatient? Are you easily angered or frustrated? Kids learn in many different ways, however, the most significant attributable factor associated with learning, is observation.

Because your son appears to have violent bouts of anger, it is important that you place him in an area where he will be safe when he does act out. One of the most important things you can do, is to stay in control when he does become angry. After his anger has subsided, talk with him about why he was angry and show him alternative ways to express his anger.

Answer 7

Talk to your pediatrician. Meanwhile, don't let him make you angry. Usually it's better just to ignore this sort of acting out while it's happening unless it poses a danger to someone. After he calms down talk it over with him and let him know you love him. Definitely see the doc about it though - this cannot continue or he will have a lot of problems in school and among his friends. I went through this with my son too and I know how difficult and frustrating it can be. Keep your cool at all costs. God bless hun.

Answer 8

Frist,are you inpatient?cause most children follow the there peers.I myself would try games with him as a start,get get him in the habit with out him even knowing he is doing it,like thinking games on the computer or guessing games,like you think of something and he has to to take his time and think about it.I don't believe whooping a child is always the best answer for everything.
Or take some things away from him that he enjoy doing alot and explain to him why your doing it.Him having total understand to what you want him to do,is always best,I hope this will help some.

Answer 9

hello dear, i think the first thing which is required by u is patience . i know it is not easy but that's the first thing which will help ur child to control his temper. second do try to spend more time with ur child either by Reading a story to him or making him indulge in some activity which he likes the most.try to do maximum activities which will make him busy whole day. he is small to understand the difference between right or wrong; he may demand ur attention by doin all such pranks but don't ignore them just be calm n make him understand that he is the best boy n will never do in future . try to make him understand in a positive way. believe it it really helps i have tried on my own son

Answer 10

Be firm and consistent, make him understand that bad behavior results in consequences and be consitent w/ consequense children need boundries and its your duty to provide them!
Another trick is to remember how your parents would have re-acted and do the same or opposite depending on your recollectionn of the effect REMEBER you're the parent