I'm married to an alcoholic, very abusive man, he left my life about 11 months ago. In walks my ideal man, W, he totally respects me, loves me for my brain, etc. We don't have sex, but have kissed a few times. Being around him makes me feel good about myself again. I have newfound confidence! I told my husband that I wanted a divorce, he asked me to give him just one more chance, he sweet talked me and I agreed to give him another chance. I told W what happened in my convo with my husband. He was very sad because he believed that I was finally free of my husband. I told him that it is only a matter of time before my husband hit me again and then it would be ALL over. I was sad, but it would be wrong to not give my husband this last opportunity. I asked him if he would wait for me and he agreed. The next day I felt so stupid for telling my husband that I would give him that chance! So I told W that I was wrong. He said that he would gladly take me back, but now he's avoiding me. Why?
2006-06-14 19:00:53 · 18 answers · asked by davidswiphey 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He probably doesn't think you're serious about leaving your husband and wants to give you a little time to see if you really are through with your husband and will commit to him and only him. Give him a few days without any contact then try to contact him again.
2006-06-14 19:05:35 · answer #1 · answered by moma 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a man I will answer like this.
If I found the right lady and she gave her husband another chance after we started to develop a romantic/personal relationship, I would be crushed. If she told me she made a mistake it would still show me something about where her heart lies and her decision making.
Sorry, but I'm just being honest. If I were "W", I would now have second thoughts and probably do the same thing so I could make up my mind also and not be waiting and watching from the window.
2006-06-14 19:06:42 · answer #2 · answered by Mitch 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello,
Its really surprising that you dont get it yourself,
first of all you told W that you still desire your husband back,and your relationship with him was based on lack of someone in your life, this might have hurt his pride but as you said he agreed!?
next you didn't even respected your decision which is giving a new chance to your husband what did you mean its a matter of time if you didn't want him back why did you even started to play with him and you even mentioned that to W dont you think he would think that your not serious in what you say!?
and after all this you just went to W and asked to have you back. he is uncertain of what you will do, and he doesn't want to risk again. I suppose he is standing aside to see what is your next move
pardon my French but not having sex shows that he is very carefull to involve with someone and he valued your mind dont you think by doing all this you undermined his respect"
I suggest if you dont really want your husband back you write a letter to him and explain why.
it's very important to be honest in a relationship and your mistake is you cried out "I am not honest " so its better for you to take immediate steps and correct that and if you want W not to avoid you,show some respect for yourself, show him you are alone and let im decide to have you back and dont force him
the only thing W need to be sure of is you will love him and you wont change your mind ( behave it) he will understand
2006-06-14 19:28:48 · answer #3 · answered by yossarian 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because you're in the middle of huge issues with your possibly-to-be-ex-husband and he doesn't want to get cut up by shrapnel with the situation (or you) explodes.
His instinct is right. Tell him that you appreciate his support, that you'll contact him again when you're free to do so, and then either go give your husband his last shot, or just leave the relationship and get a divorce.
You don't mention kids, however. So that's a possible complicating factor.
Regardless, it sounds like you need support and encouragement from the people around you - so seek that out. But also seek out people with clear heads, because in your emotional stress it sounds like you're not really making great decisions.
That said, best of luck to you, and God bless.
2006-06-14 19:06:36 · answer #4 · answered by bobhayes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because it is quite clear to the man that you have this love /hate thing going on with your husband--otherwise why would there ever be even the slightest idea of reconciliations after what you've been dealt by the man....He just knows that it will be a matter of time--more than likely the two of you's first arguement--that you'll be back at your old boo's door saying what a mistake you've made to leave his sorry butt---Sounds to me like you did find a pretty sharp dude--too bad you didn't have the stuff to hold him
2006-06-14 19:11:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to have to answer this, because just reading your situation answers it completely, but maybe you just need to hear it from someone else.
I don't want to sound harsh when I say this, but you have been 'ping-pong'ing back and forth between these two guys. You clearly have no idea what you want, because you can't manage to commit to one person.
You had an abusive, alcoholic ex-husband, but you 'let him sweet talk you'? How does someone who beat the crap out of you 'sweet talk' you into anything?
Why do you even believe him again?
It sounds to me like you have a security issue, along with a self-esteem issue that if you don't resolve those within yourself, you'll never be able to make any important decisions for yourself that will result in a happy life for you to look forward to.
2006-06-14 19:08:40 · answer #6 · answered by Harley 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because chances are, the next time your husband comes around, you'll believe the apologies and accept him back into your life.
Second chances aren't great from a rejected point of view. Sometimes the first rejection is all it takes to break the magical spell.
2006-06-14 19:03:51 · answer #7 · answered by iniyaitza 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he's abusive, hits you, alcolholic and you are going to give him another chance? What are you a moron? I don't and never have felt sorry for woman that are in abusive relationships and don't leave. As far as I'm concerned, if you don't get out of an abusive situation then you must like it. The new man needs to avoid you. I don't blame him
2006-06-14 19:12:16 · answer #8 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe because women that stay in abusive relationships are more likely to keep going back and you have already disappointed W by telling him you were returning to a woman beating drunk over him it may have scared him off he may be scared to get close to you now for fear you will run back to the abusive husband,
2006-06-14 19:05:56 · answer #9 · answered by Amy M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Beat your husband to the punch(literally) and divorce him now. If he doesn't respect you and doesn't even see you for more than a year, get rid of him and get will William or Wendell or whatever the new guy's name is.
But don't rush into it with W. Find out where you went wrong with your drunk husband and look for the same signs with him.
2006-06-14 19:03:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋