My baby is so bad... Help me...?

Question

My husband use to make me give her what ever she wants... Now she's two and she don't listen to a thing we say! She wont ever ever ever take no for an answer... urrrr... She gets what she wants or eles she'll just cry forever and ever! I give her time out, but I have to close her in her room. Is that bad? If I don't close her in a room, she'll just take off! Every singo day this is happening... I give her about 5 time out a day!

Answer 1

she is only two years old ...you should take control of the situation before is too late, you have plenty of time , what you should do is let her cry that is good for your baby lungs, so do not spoil her anymore, you are the mother you give the orders and it is better to do it know than when your baby get older.

Answer 2

First of all, let me congratulate you on recognizing that you have a problem with your daughter. Most people wouldn't find this behavior the least bit disturbing and would even go so far as to say "those terrible twos". The very first thing you MUST do is to re-establish who's in charge - YOU.

You say: "She wont ever ever ever take no for an answer"
Don't give her any other options. No means No. You have taught your daughter from past experiences that "No" means "Maybe" or if she throws a big enough fit, that in many cases it means "Yes" if you will be quiet. She has learned to persist because you are having trouble being consistent. Consistency is the key. You and dad HAVE to be on the same page. Being a parent is hard work. It is more grueling than any 9-5 job you'll ever have.

You say, "She gets what she wants or eles she'll just cry forever and ever".
You must be disciplined and be able to "tune out" her crying and fit-throwing. Don't take it personally, and don't react with more of the same. Many times, when I notice that my kids are out of control, it's because I myself am out of control. If I yell, I can expect them to, they are just modeling my behavior. You have to calmly inform her that no amount of crying will change your decision, it will only result in her getting the OPPOSITE of what she wants. Then you have to stick to it. Again, consistency. Do what you say you are going to do. Follow through with whatever consequences you have laid out. Some kids respond well to time outs, some do not. Mine never have - I thump their hands or behinds with my thumb and forefinger to discipline. It's mild but irritating and they know when they are small that they have offended.

You say, "I give her time out, but I have to close her in her room. Is that bad? If I don't close her in a room, she'll just take off!"
I wouldn't use her room if you are going to do a timeout. I would choose the most boring place in the house...say a hall where you can keep an eye on her, or the bottom of a stair case, or in the corner with her facing the wall. She shouldn't be expected to stay there forever. Explain why she's going there when you put her there. If she runs, gently and calmy take her back to the same spot. You may have to do this a hundred times the first time, but she will eventually understand that you mean what you say. When the timeout is over (if she two, I wouldn't go for more than 2-3 minutes), calmly tell her why she was in the time out and that her behavior is unacceptable and if she does it again, that's what she can expect. Then be consistent, if that's the punishment of your choice.

Basically, it's going to take an extreme amount of patience on your part until you get her trained that you mean what you say. Right now, she doesn't believe you, but if you will be consistent with your form of punishment and TRULY do what you say and not (as most people do because they are tired of dealing with a problem) "wimp out" on her, you'll see a dramatic change in her within 2-3 days. Don't give up! You can DO IT!!!

Answer 3

Even though it will be hard to watch your child cry DON'T GIVE IN no matter what don't give in to her fits and her crying. It only re-enforces the behavior and teaches her that pitching a fit will get her what she wants. In your question you said that if she doesn't get what she wants she will cry forever, now you know that she won't cry forever just so long it gets to you and she knows just how long that is. You have to ignore the bad behavior and reward the good behavior. Its the attention and eventually the reward that keeps the bad behavior going. By giving in you have told her she is boss, not you. You have to take control. Time out doesn't really work that well, taking away privileges is what i would recommend. Even at two she has things she likes, toys that she plays with or outside time. You have to start teaching them early that every action has a reaction or a consequence, because hey that's life. You aren't a bad mother or a mean person if you are firm and stand true to what you believe is right and teach discipline and rules to your children. A bad mother is one that lets her children run a muck. Its child neglect and letting a child do as they please 24/7 is just as bad as leaving them home alone.

Answer 4

5 times a day? It's obviously not working. Time outs do not work. They are a from of punishment, not a form of discipline. The only cause resentment, shame, and anger. Times outs are a way for you to control your child, not a way for your child to learn self-control.

Logical and natural consequences work best when disciplining. For example: If she spills her milk, she wipes it up. If she draws on the wall, she cleans it. Taking away a toy if the child is crying is not a logical consequence. Taking away a toy if the child throws it or is destructive with it is logical.

When she is misbehaving and a logical consequence won't work, get down to her level and say "I don't like when you (explain what and why)." Take her to an area to a place away from you and say "When you are ready to (stop crying, listen...) then you can be with me." This is not a time out (you controlling her) because you are not giving her a time limit. She returns when she is ready to control herself. When she cries over not getting something she wants, tell her "I'm not offering you a choice." She can cry in her room until she is ready to calm down. This technique will take some practice, but it works!

Set limits and follow through. No means no the first time you say it. Offer choices "Do you want to do that by yourself or do you want me to help? Should we have pasta or cheese and crackers?" Do not offer chances. If you offer one chance your child will expect another and another. Be consistent and patient. Good luck!

Answer 5

Hi. Parenting can hard. One minute we are living our lives for ourselves, the next we are living out the next 18-21 years for someone else, our children. We must remember as parents that it was our decision to bring our children into our lives, not theirs. There is no such thing as a bad child. Children communicate in the only way they know how, and it's best that we as parents take all the time in the world to hear them out while they are small before the real problems begin once they enter school.

A two year old child should not be expected to "take no for an answer". She only learned to talk a few months back, and she is just now beginning to learn how to follow your directions. She wont know how to consistently follow directions from you, unless you scare her into submission, until she is about 4 years old. It is also very normal for her to cry to get what she wants, regardless of rather your husband gave her everything she wanted as a baby. Nearly all children act the way your daughter is behaving right now, and it has nothing to do with spoiling. Her behavior is a developmental milestone related to independence and assertiveness. Surely, independence and assertiveness are things you want to ENCOURAGE in your child, not discourage. The key is to show her how to be assertive and independent while also being mature. Again, the results of your efforts will not be seen for years potentially.

I would not recommend closing her in her room when you don't like something she does. She probably internalizes this as you rejecting her, which only makes her come back stronger and stronger for attention each time. Give her the attention that she wants. Trust me, she does not want toys and things at age 2. She wants attention, but she knows that you are willing to give her toys, so she settles. Attention, maybe you are not willing to give her so much. Stop timing her out, and time her in. Keep trying. It will get better if you give her the attention she needs. It is also best to empower her, and give her two choices, and let her decide of the choices you gave her what she wants to do.

*Do not hit your child because you don't like what she does. When was the last time you were hit and it inspired you to do something? Inspire your child through love, attention, and respect, not fear, pain, and yelling.

Answer 6

Whatever you do, don't give her whatever she wants. That's a good way to create a monster! She won't always get everything she wants in life, anyways. That being said, you have to punish her and when you do, stick with it. Don't give in just because she cries or makes you feel bad. Closing her in a room is fine, but she probably has all kinds of fun things to do in there! She may be too young to sit her in the corner, but it's not a bad way to go, then she can see what she's missing (toys, playing). Let her cry sometimes, she'll cry herself out. I know its hard to do that, though. Just remember while she's growing up, set consequences for improper behavior and stick with them of she will walk all over you. Hope it helps. Good luck.

Answer 7

Take control right now. Time outs are good. in her room, fine, but if there are favorite toys in there take them away. Does she have a regular bed time? Is she still napping? both my boys are in bed every day at 7.pm. ( 2.5yrs, and 1.5 yrs.) at 11 am they both go down for a nap. They dont listen...time out!!! I sit them in a chair, they will get off and i put them there again and again if i have too. My boys are very well behaved ( for the most part) and i chalk it up to the routine, and consistancy. Their dad is only home every second weekend, cause he works away, so i didnt have a choice, but to keep things in control. If you think my kids live in boot camp...they dont. My house is usally a wreck. ANd me and my boys laugh a lot, and they are happy boys. But i am consistant with bed time, nap time and meal time. Of course they still mis behave...they are kids. But they arent out fo control. oh and NO is not a four letter word. If you use it once, you need to stick to your guns, you cant let NO turn into YES...your only confusing the kid.
good luck

Answer 8

Sounds like she's just been spoiled and use to getting her own way.
You need to set down some rules with concequences. And YOU & your hubby HAVE to follow through on them. Each and every time ones broken. Make these rules together and both be in agreement as to what to do if it's broken! Most important is following through.

Also watch Supernanny or Nanny 911. Great shows to learn from.

Answer 9

She's spoiled! On top of that, she's in the terrible 2's! Continue to use time-out, and the word "no"! Your husband helped to create a monster, and I hope he's helping you with the current situation. Your daughter will continue to test you, but you must stand firm. Be sure to reward appropriate behaviors! Good luck!

Answer 10

I did that same thing with my daughter. After awhile I said enough is enough. I had to deal with screaming and kicking and crying and whining and I hate you mommy. But spoiling her isn't a good thing. Just stick to your guns. When you go to the store if she throws a temper tantrum, than one of you sit in the car with her. Most kids don't like that, my kids didn't. You have to do something now, because I waited to long with my 5 yr old and he ended up stealing, after that he got into trouble by the manager of the store and they had a talk. He never did it again and now its mostly good when we go to the store.

Good Luck!