My 18 yr old fresh out of high school just moved out with a 25 yr old father of 1. Is she crazy?

Question

She moved out last weekend and said she was living "stress free and happy". I am so disappointed. I have never met the guy. I feel like she has lost her mind. She is not on birth control and this guy is already paying support for 1 child. Do I just drop it and hope she will get some sense. I want her to get educated and get a job. I cannot figure out where her craziness comes from. I am not sure what to do. Any suggestions. I am worried she will make me a grandma and I will be paying for her babies.

to add to this, I raised my 2 children by myself, got off welfare when my daughter was 3 and made it on our own with no help from the father. I graduated from college and made a very good living;
to bemassey, I appreciate life, but have really had some hard times and desperately do not want my daughter to make big mistakes which I have already experianced.
I want her to grow up be responsible and raise he own chilren so that I can have some life of my own after being totally respobsible for 2 children on my own for 18 years. I can see her making big mistakes. I think you look at things with rose colored glasses. My daughter refuses to take birth control in spite of the fact I took her to the clinic to get it. She refused. She is affecting the life of more than just herself now and don't believe any children she has will get a fair shake. The welfare system is already over burdened.

Answer 1

No, she's not crazy - she's "in love". Once the reality of being the live-in maid, childcare provider, etc. sets in (after the novelty has worn off) she'll most likely decide that maybe this is not what she really wants just yet after all. Don't push, don't criticize, don't nag...she needs to make her own mistakes. If/when she does decide to split with this guy, don't say I told you so - just let her know you'll be there for MORAL support - not financial, especially if she turns up preggers...be quite clear that you have raised your family, if she begins to reproduce then that is her responsibility. That's going to be a hard thing to do, but necessary unless you want to support her and countless small children for the rest of your life. It's called tough love. Best wishes, prayers are with you both.

Answer 2

your daughter isn't crazy for do what she is doing right now. i know how it most hurt to see her do this. first just talking to her and finding out why she feels that stress and unhappy living at home fisrt. talk to her as you would adult and not a kid that she now thinks she's all grown up that she's 18 yrs old. and thinks she should be making some of her own choices now.show her that you are really intestered in meeting this new guy in her life without judging her on what she is doing and don't let her know that this is not the life you want for her or it will only push her closer to this guy you don't know yet.right now your daughter is thinking she got the 25 yr old too be with her,she doesn't know that this guy is looking at her a easy bait because of her age and not knowing life as yet.try to get on her side so you know what she is feeling.and then talk about what you are worried about becoming a young grandma. ask her what she wants for her self in life and go from there.it's very hard to stand back without tell your love of life what you what her to do especially when they think this is the only way to get out and grow the way she wants right now. listening is the key word here not what you have always wanted for her. all the best to you and the best of luck.i hope i help alittle.

Answer 3

Sounds like your daughter needs a reality check! I am not so far removed from 18 that I don't remember how exciting it was to finally be on my own, but she is definitely not doing it in a responsible way. Do you guys have a good relationship? I would suggest offering to take her out to lunch and having a good heart to heart with her about the risks she's taking and what she sees for her future. She needs to know that you believe she's worth getting a college education and that getting pregnant right now would be a huge impediment to her future. Most of all, she needs to know that you care! Don't, by any means, "just drop it!" She doesn't know what she's doing, and she needs your guidance. Don't attack her, don't make her wrong, just lay it out for her and express you fears. You might also offer to help her find another roommate or help her financially until she can support herself. Hope this helps!

Answer 4

I have a simular problem with my daughter but she quit school and now she is pregnant and the father is going away to collage. Her mother wants her to have the baby but I don`t. So my daughter babysits a little girl in the afternoons and wishes she never got pregnant. Maybe your daughter will see when she is taking care of his child one day and she will see how hard it is. Chances are she will return home with her heart broken any way. That guy has got her b.S. into thinking shes in love and when he finds something else she`ll be back home. Just be there for her if you turn your back on her then she will think she has nothing or no one. Keep an open mind but try not to let her mess up her life like my daughter did. I know it`s heart breaking this kills me but when I got mad she stop talking to me for about a month. I loose my temper real easy when it comes to my kids. I did get a chance to talk to her boy friend though and me being a biker needless to say he knows his place with me and if anything happens to my daughter he knows if I come visit him it won`t be pleasent. Hang in there!!

Answer 5

I know you love her- but sometimes you have to let go and let GOD. Stressing and worrying her and fussing will only have her rebel more. Trust that you instilled good values in her and that she will come around. The most important thing is to continue to love her and support her so that if something happens she'll call you first, and not be ashamed or embarassed or stay in a bad situation b.c of the "told you so" behaviour you may have. I went through that with my parents. Just think of the silly stuff you did when you were young. You made it through and she will too. I know you love her and you're worried, but she has to live and learn be it for better or worse. and you cant spend your life worried about what her next move is gonna be, she's 18 not 8.

Answer 6

Dont give up hope on her. She needs support. Just let her know you will be there should anything go wrong. And mean it. I would hope that helping to pay or take care of a grand child in anyway would not be a bad thing.I'm not suggesting encourage, just supportive. The more you show being upset, sometimes the response will be what you keep telling her you don't want.

Answer 7

Prayer works....since she is legally an adult, you can kick and cry and scream and plead, but if she chooses to stay with him, she has made her decision. All you can do is pray, and pray some more, and pray some more, but also for yourself....that maybe you cna find the right words to say. She's still your daughter, I know you love her....try and talk to her. Other than that, just be there for her.

Lol, don't young people do some of the stupidest things?

Answer 8

First of all, she's an adult now, you can talk until you are blue in the face that don't mean she's going to listen. And as far as making you a grandma, and you having to pay for her children, sounds like to me, you don't appreciate life enough.

Answer 9

Pray for her. Pray that God comes into her life and she learns some lessons before they become 'costly.'

You need to set your own guidelines. She has decided to act like an adult. That means bearing the responsibilities of her decisions. If she has children, they are HER children.

Find a support group at your church or place of worship.

Answer 10

Unfortunately, there is not a lot you can do once they hit that magic age. Keep the lines of communication open. Calmly discuss your fears with her, but don't harp. At 18, what is her adversion to birth control? That would be my main focus were I in your place.