I'm 33, the baby's father is 46. I left him while I was pregnant, just because I didn't feel it was a healthy relationship. He called me throughtout the whole pregnancy to check on me, went to the hospital when the baby was born, held the baby, and even took pictures of the baby, it came time to sign the birth certificate, and all of a sudden he's not sure he's the father. I waited a couple of months called him gave him an ultamatum about being in the baby's life and he says he wants to be in their life, but only calls to see how I am doing, and to tell me about his life. And when he does finally call it takes a month. He has another child from a previous relationship, calls that child several times a week, so I guess I just want some opinions, is my baby better off with out this man being their father? Or am I being closed minded?
2006-06-14 12:47:31 · 19 answers · asked by spoiled_21 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
You are starting to wake up! forget him file a paternity suit and let it go. The money is for the child.
2006-06-14 12:52:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to get a paternity test done so he knows that he is the father, and then if he doesnt want to be in the baby's life, at least he could pay some child support, or if you think it would be better, have him sign his rights away, after paternity is established. If he really does not want to be in the baby's life, you can do it without him. If he will sign the baby over, then later in life he cannot come in and demand parenting time. Good luck
2006-06-14 20:00:50 · answer #2 · answered by funmamaof1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since he is not on the birth certificate, he has no parental rights without DNA testing (which I'm sure he understood, and the reason that he wouldn't sign the birth certificate). While he probably was very supportive, I'm sure that the financial end of being a parent is difficult for him which is why he is denying the baby. With a track record like this, I'd say that the baby is better off without him.
2006-06-14 19:53:00 · answer #3 · answered by SolMan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am with some of these guys file a suit so rather he is around or not the child financially taken care of. Rather are not your child is better of with him not being his father doesn't matter because he is know matter what. unless he signs of right even then it is still 1/2 his blood that runs through that kid. You need to let him know either he is there all the way or don't come around till her is ready to be there all the way. Don't tell him ALL or nothing, cause he might use that as an excuse to disappear for good and blame it on you, and at some point your child might do the same (blame it on you). just remember try to have him around but don't hurt yourself doing it, your child will still suffer if he is going and coming out of his life as he pleases
2006-06-14 20:07:37 · answer #4 · answered by LoTs2ShArE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have gone through a lot of the same things, only I am only 25 and I was 19 at the time of my daughter's birth. Her father was 17, almost 18 when I had her. Anyway, based on my own experience, you should demand a paternity test and then once it proves he is the father, let him go, but demand child support. When I was 3 months preg with her, he left me. We fought for a good three years after that, but not before he wasted anytime living with and then getting his gf pregnant when our daughter was only a year and half old. Not to mention the fact that his gf already had a daughter a year older than ours who he took care of all the time, but never and I mean never, saw our daughter. It broke my heart. Finally before she turned two I met someone who was soooo much better for her. She will be six soon and her dad is still nowhere around and she is so much better off without him. She loves my bf of 4 years. He is the one who has taken care of her and supported her, not her sperm donor. Her real father rarely ever pays child support, but instead decided to run off to S.C. because he has nothing here for him. Anyway, my point is, you need to get rid of him. If he wants to see the child, fine, otherwise, do what I do, ignore him and move on with your life. My daughter's father has NEVER EVER bought her any kind of b-day or x-mas present, yet he still thinks he deserves to be called dad when he does decide to come around. Bull. I hate to say it but your situation sounds a lot like mine and I have learned to not let him come into her life whenever he wants because it's not good for her. Eventually he will probably totally be out of her life for good and I hope he does. Please, do yourself a favor, get a test done, get child support and let him do his own thing. There are much better guys out there who are willing to be a real dad!!! Hope this helps!!!
2006-06-14 23:07:24 · answer #5 · answered by sherry_2481 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should not renew a relationship with this man and your child(ren) is/are better off without him in their live(s). He has proven himself to be irresponsible and non-caring. Why subject your kids to this? Whether he holds himself out as the biological father or not, if you file for child support the DA's office will have him take a paternity test. These tests come back as 99.9% conclusive most of the time and he will have to pay child support.
2006-06-21 19:13:42 · answer #6 · answered by Samba Queen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a paternity test and get it over with. Collect child support and forget him.
I have been in the same situation and my son is now 20 years old, and his biological father caused him nothing but hurt and resentment for the last 18 years. He has shamed our family and my son resents him for it. He denied his only son and left my kid hurt and confused.
His reasoning for denying paternity is because he thinks my son don't look like him. Nuts!!!! Thank God he doesn't. My son is much better looking.
It took me a years to get over it and I am ashamed he is his biological father and I tell no one. He makes it sound like he is some kind of a prize. I wouldn't lie about a travesty like that! It just created a lot of hurt and resentment.
Make smart decisions now before your baby gets old enough to understand and have esteem issues and be affected by it.
2006-06-14 21:02:28 · answer #7 · answered by happydawg 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My oldist son's father tries the same thing and I think that there is nothing wrong with you not wanting him there it takes a while to feel that way and it took me 4 yrs. but you can only take so much wait till your child is old enough tell him about him and if he wants to know him then let your child if not then don't forse him/her...... I look at it like this I would rather my son have no father than have someone there that is just going to lie to him and hurt him all the time, you can love your child by yourself you don't need no man there to help you be his /her mom and dad!!!
2006-06-14 20:16:02 · answer #8 · answered by Nachelle T 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get that child support if only to put the money aside for the baby's education. If he only calls to talk about himself cut him off with a cute baby story,then you'll see if he's wanting to be apart of it's life. Maybe when he's forced to do child support will he realize it's real and become more involved. gl
2006-06-14 19:58:54 · answer #9 · answered by dlh1402 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he only calls to know how your doing and not the baby, he's not a good dad. Choose carefully if hes going to be in your babys life or not. If he really cares let him, but if he shows no interest, tell him to back off. Think really good before you take action. Its your babys future.
2006-06-14 20:33:45 · answer #10 · answered by traviesa 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hope you filed for Child Support, because it sounds to me like thats what he will only be good for. You need to decide what is best for YOU and your BABY. Ask yourself if you want a father in her life or a Disneyland dad. Sounds to me like he only cares about himself....take care of your baby and get him outta your life. There will be someone that will love your baby like his own!! (Trust me...Ive been there) Good Luck sweetie
2006-06-14 19:52:50 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋