I'm gay and have fallen in love with a straight guy. What should I do?

Question

Ok everybody I have a probem. I'm gay. To be straight forward I've fallen in love. The bad part is he doesn't know I love him and he's straight. I've felt like this for 3 years. He doesn't know I'm gay. Now I have questioned myself on whether he feels anything for me. I mean he's different from other straight guys, and I'm not just saying that cuz I love him. For example he hugs more passionatly then 2 straight guys normally would. However he does have a girlfriend and it's openly known that they arn't having sex. Just recently tho, I found out that his gf wants to have sex but he's the one saying no. I don't know what to do. Do I keep my mouth shut for now and just keep the friendship I have with him (which is the most important thing in my life) or should I tell him? I just can't lose him. If I told him and he didn't feel the same way he wouldn't be mad at me or anything but things would change in your relationship without meaning for it to happen. Thanks for the advice!

Answer 1

I think the most important thing here to remember is honesty and respect. If you love him so and respect him then you owe him the opportunity to make a decision based on the trust and friendship you have. To do otherwise only serves your purpose, to dream of what may be.

Answer 2

There is not much future in this probably. Even if the guy elected to experiment in the gay culture the likelihood is strong that he will go back to his straight roots. If he is not having sex with his girlfriend it may be he has high ethics and morals. You have to decide whether you want to risk it. If the friendship is that strong you need to talk to him openly about your feelings and take your chances. You are talking about 2 distinctly different lifestyles.

Answer 3

My thinking is that if you want to find out if there's a chance, you tell him you're gay. Don't say anything else. Don't tell him you're in love with him (although you may have already let that cat out of the bag by your actions). Just see how he reacts. If he's interested, he'll let you know. If not, he'll let you know that too. If he's not and he's a decent guy, he'll still be your friend. But don't pine after guys who are entirely straight... there's no point.

Answer 4

This reminds me of a situation that occured to me.

First of all, I am straight, and proud of it.

But, there was a girl. At first, she seemed ok, her discussions with me were mainly about the crushes she would get on her mal teachers. So one day, out of awkward bravery, she decided to tell me about something I would have never guessed. She liked me, in a romantic way. Since that day, I felt awkward and preferd not to see her. Quite honestly, I hope I never have to see or hear from her again.

I am not against this illness, I respect people regardless of orientation, but if its of my own gencder, Id rather not be invoved with them in that way.

I am straight, and like to spen time with straight people. Out of the league, is out of the question.

So do your crush a favor, let him know how you feel. Perhaps he too can find sense in moving on.

And perhaps you can change, and start liking girls for a change.

Answer 5

nothing wrong with loving someone. Don't ruin a friendship by letting him know you want to have sex with your srtaight friend. Unless you can discover any curiosity through drunken conversation. Some straight guys probably think about the easiness of gay sex

Answer 6

unfortunately there isn't anything that you could do b/c he is straight...and besides he has no clue you are gay either..so you are running a thin line here..b/c if you do tell him he might get scared and run off....it is a nice idea to think he might feel the same way but that is just a fantasy idea in your head...

in time things would fall into place, but right now don't jeopardize your friendship....finding out you are gay and you like him all at once....might be to much to handle ...

Answer 7

I know I am pretty forward with my friends and I accept them for who they are re. I also know that there are ppl out there though that do not. I would start out by just being open about your sexuality, and see what happens there. I would go from that reaction to see if you should tell him how you really feel. I know I would be totally honest. I wish you luck and I know this is going to be a very hard thing to do.

Answer 8

hey man the best thing i can tell you is to never give up on what you desire, but a lot of guys are Ho's and even through we say we would never get with a man we still wonder what its like, you know , so even if he acts different from other guys he might just be seeing if he can make you attracted to him , and you said he doesn't know your gay sorry to tell you bro but if you've known him for a while he knows your gay, even if he doesn't say anything

Answer 9

I would suggest to sit him down, you two privetly. First, does he know you're gay?
Secondly, seriously ask him what's up. be straightforward and calm about it, if he freeks out then somethings up but if he looks you in the eye and tells you 'no' or 'I don't know' then go with the flow.
maybe he's not interested with her or having an affair. I would suggest if nothing works, he knows your gay, go for the jealousy bit. send yourself flowers with some guys name on it or candy, something.
Find someone if you can't have him, don't waste your life pining away at something you wont be able to have.

Answer 10

I think you should stop spending so much time with him.That way you leave the door open for someone more suitable for you.If he's your friend why doesn't he know you're gay?Is he gay too and both of you are in the closet is he waiting to get married to his g.f before sex what's going on?