How or why does anybody love me after being raped ?

Question

Im going to ask my mum why she loves me and how she can love me. I wonder if she is ashamed of me. I wonder how anybody can love me. No matter how pretty anyone tells me I am I still look in the mirror and have to turn my head. I feel dirty and I feel ugly. I dont even love myself so why would anybody else ? I know God loves me but if He wasnt God neither would He. Today i feel like a dirty little white trash animal that wears nice clothes and jewelry. I cant believe how promiscuous I became after being raped . It seemed like a drug addiction that was worse than heroin and has dragged me into the most disgusting life. Being made dirty by him has carried me on in ways I never dreamed.I almost went into my old ways last nite but for some hairy reason I walked away. I couldnt believe it and I wonder why the h*** I cant just go on. I need a miracle and so do others so they can love my dirty little messed up brain and my raped body. Someone online told me I have PTSD and D.I.D. W.T.H.!!

Answer 1

Someone's ability to love you is not about you. It's about them.

God doesn't love any of us because we're great. He loves us because He is Love. It's not about what we deserve or how worthy (or graciously, how unworthy) we are.

Other people will love you because they can. You have to work on getting to the place where you can let them. It won't do you or them any good unless you are able to receive it.

I have no idea what D.I.D.W.T.H is, but PTSD sounds likely to me.

COUNSELOR, COUNSELOR, COUNSELOR. I know it seems like we're stuck there, but you need someone to help you. You deserve someone to help you. PLEASE, let someone help you.

I've been there. I'm not there anymore. There is hope.

Answer 2

Hun, you don't need a miracle. What you need is therapy. Promiscuity is very common after sexual assault or abuse. Every woman I know that has had that happen to her has been promiscuous at some point in her life, but eventually has healed and found a loving, meaningful relationship, which is what you deserve. You are definitely worthy of being loved, and don't ever let anyone else tell you different. Being a rape victim does not make you less of a person. In fact, if you heal and learn from the expirience, it may even make you a stronger, better person. You have to remember a few things. One, rape is never your fault. You did not ask for it, you did not want it, and you did not cause it. Two-rape isn't about you. It is about the rapists' need for control and power. Rapists tend to be angry bullies who feel they need to have more control than they have-often times, they feel like they have no power to control their lives, so they pick a victim to help satisfy their need for power.
Please-I am sure you are a beautiful young woman. I put a few links for you to go to so you can find yourself some help. If you like, there is someone you can call-1-888-293-2080. This is the Rape Crisis Hotline. Please call I hope you get help, it is the only way you will be able to move on and live a happy life.

Answer 3

Nobody wants to hear this, but here goes:

God made sex, and when it's not done the way He ordained, people get hurt and messed up.

When it's saved for one person, as He intended, there's no guilt associated with it, ever.

You can't imagine how beautiful that is.

I'm so sorry for your hurt, caused by someone's selfish desire. And I'm sorry that you felt driven to promiscuities because of it.

But there is available to you forgiveness from the guilt related to those experiences, and this is what your spirit is crying out for.

Someone else will say, "Why should you seek forgiveness for anything - you've done nothing wrong."

There may be a lot of truth in that, but that's not the way that you've expressed that you feel.

I recommend you check out the movie, Passion of the Christ. Jesus died to free you from your pain. This movie does a good job showing you this in ways you can't miss. And if you are willing, also read for yourself the Gospels of the New Testament, followed by the book of Acts. These will direct you in what your spirit need to know.

But first, if you know your parents love you, and can help you in your grief, yes, do talk to them.

Answer 4

First of all, I cannot put into adequate words how sorry I am to read about what happened to you.

It was a truly horrible thing that, as you probably know, was NOT your fault.

I will definitely keep you in my prayers. Please know that there is one person here in Miami who, even though we've never met, cares about you very much.

Yes, there are people who love you because what happened to you was horrible, it was not your fault, and if there's ever a time when a woman needs love, this is it.

Also, remember that God loves you. He loves you more than any of us can possibly comprehend or calculate.

Clearly you need prayers, you need continued support from family and friends and loved ones, and you probably need professional help.

Have you seen a psychologist or other similar professional? Talked with your clergyman? Been in touch with a rape-survivors' support group?

There's plenty of help out there. Unfortunately, you are not alone -- not only because you were raped, but also because of the feelings you are experiencing right now.

Remember that nothing is impossible with God -- there is nothing that He cannot do, and that includes helping you to achieve emotional healing and to learn to love yourself again.

I have no doubt that if you seek God's help, and pray to him, and seek out the help of others, you will find the peace you deserve.

Again, I will keep you in my prayers. Feel free to PM me or email me ANYTIME.

-- Julia ([e-mail])

Answer 5

I've been raped myself, too, a few years ago by a minor (I was an adult at the time).

Sometimes a person do become promiscuous after a rape, and I wasn't promiscuous, but I did have a one-night stand with two men.

You're not dirty; it's that bastard b---- that raped you. For you to feel this bad about yourself, try counseling, or email me and we can get through this together.

I love you, and there's no reason for ANYONE to not love you because of you being violated.

Answer 6

Self loathing is the killer of all spirits it is only in ourselves that we find the will to face tragedy and hardship. The coward turns inward and see s only fault. Letting ones self be subdued by a thing. Because someone has taken from you does not mean you have given, which means you still posses. Your sexuallity is only a thing, your life is more important. Your life was left intact, it is now up to your will to overcome that which is not true. A violation does not make you any less atrractive remember it was unwanted and unwarranted. You dont have any problems other than your self when you are able to face yourself you can face others. As long as you believe you are sick and twisted you will be. Free your mind, your *** will follow. And you are correct if you do not find love in yourself to love yourself, no one else will. It all starts and ends with you

Answer 7

There's no reason why anybody shouldn't love you just because you got raped. There's also no reason why anybody shouldn't love you just because you've been "promiscuous." We all make mistakes, and none of us are perfect. Don't be so hard on yourself.

It sounds to me like you could use some counseling. I think that we all need counseling at one point or another...it isn't a sign of weakness or anything. It's just a chance to get the help that we need. When you talk to you mom about why she loves you, talk to her about getting some good Biblical counseling.

You are a valuable person, and you deserve help.

Answer 8

People are still going to love you, no matter what somebody else did to you. It wasnt your fault, and they will still treat you the same as they did before. Just because your views on yourself have changed, that doesnt mean theirs have. Youre a much better person than he is because you still live. Maybe to help you deal with the trauma, you could speak to a therapist or something. Someone to help you love yourself again, so you can realize why others do.

Answer 9

I'm sorry about your experience. PTSD is post traumatic stress disorder, although I don't know what D.I.D. is. How does anybody love you after being raped? People will love you if you're a sweet, loving person, regardless of whether or not you've been raped. Why does anybody have to love you? By definition of free will, nobody has to love you, but people WILL love you if you treat them with the respect they should treat you with.

Answer 10

Ok first off I realize that you have no reason to believe anything I have to say, but I have seen this happening in a good friend of mine. When I was in highschool a very good friend of mine was rapped by her exbf. I have never seen such a change in person since. Before she was very shy, quiet, and just a wonderful person. After she became very outgoing, not quiet at all, and well she used guys left and right. I think I was the only guy she didn't try to play games with and just use. It was her way of getting back at the guy who raped her, since he got off scott free something that still plauges me. Despite her using guys left and right and just messing with them, she was still a wonderful person, but just filled with a lot of pain, anger, fear, etc. And it came out in a way, similar to what you described. I know that you feel like no one can love after that, but that is not the case. I loved this girl with all my heart, even after she started using guys. Unfortunatly I was young and after awhile we lost contact. I am not sure what happened to her, but she is never far from my thoughts and I hope she managed to get some help, and slowly start to heal.
It sounds to me, that you are trying to get out of this cycle you did, and that is a very good start. All I can tell you is to get help, and to keep good friends that will help you avoid falling back into the cycle. And though you might not feel it, or even see it, that there are people who love you, and will love you. You did nothing wrong in what happened to you, and the fact that you are trying to change the pattern you fell into as a result shows me, without ever meeting you, that you are a great and wonderful person that is in alot of pain, fear, anger, etc; but you too are healing even if it is slowly. My thoughts are with you...

Answer 11

Hey sister! That's awful what has happened to you....I'm sorry. God loves you because He knows it NOT your fault you were raped. Even if you think that He doesn't love you anymore, He still DOES! Girl, I will be praying for you. Your mom also knows that it wasn't you! How can any mother be ashamed of one of her children that was hurt? Physically and mentally. There's nothing you can do, but know that it wasn't your fault. It was the pervert that did it to you. I'm sorry that this has happened to you. I also know someone who was raped and I'm sorry if it has hurt you as much as it hurt my friend. Email me if you need to talk. I WILL answer your emails. Don't ever think God doesn't love you because He always will NO MATTER WHAT!!

God Bless and keep safe!