My boyfriend and I have been together a year and living together for 6 months. We are suppose to get married in 16 days and all of a sudden there are major problems. His big concern is that I dont open up and show him enough attention or let him know what I am feeling. He has brought this up before. But never like this. He is "angry and fed up" with the fact that I am not opening up like he wants. I am trying but in my 24 years of life that is how I have learned to deal with my emotions. Which is to bottle them up and push everyone back until I get them straightened out. I realize that is not a good approach, but it is what has worked for me. I am trying, slowly yes but trying, to work on allowing him to be close to me and be open to him. I guess it is just not happening as quickly as he would like. I need to know if he is looking for a reason to get out of the marriage or is he trying a last stitch effort to fix this before we get married and end up in divorce. HELP.
2006-06-14 09:37:25 · 8 answers · asked by Amanda B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
this always happens before the wedding. i ripped up my receipt for my tux & threw it out the window & told my fiance that the wedding was off, i did not talk to her for 2 days. that was three years ago (i have been happily married the past 3 year to her)
you see men like to see if women are able to make some comprimises because the wedding is " the girls day" & men have the tendency to feel that they have no control at all. this in making them scared. the littlest things are blown out of proportion to try to subconiously reestablish that he still has some control (he does not do it on purpose). just listen to him & say that he is right open up & tell him that you love him . tellign him that he is right will make him feel like he has some control & you will be back to normal. remember in his mind the wedding is all about you. you need to let him know how important that he is to you during this time. & don't think that he does not want to marry you... he does but his mind is like different from yours because he is a guy so he feels things alittle differently
hope this helps,
ss
2006-06-14 09:51:41 · answer #1 · answered by Starscream 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry this is happening so close to your big day. These kinds of things can really add to your stress level. I would definately recommend some counselling, either before or soon after you're married. Counselling isn't a bad thing, and it's good to let go of baggage you've carried throughout your life before beginning your new life with someone else. It would be fair to your future husband, to try and resolve the issues you have with bottling your feelings, that way you can both have a clean start. Maybe you are both feeling a little insecure before the big day, and I think that's perfectly normal. I don't know if you have already, but maybe try explaining to him why you are the way you are, and that you'll definately try and work on expressing your emotions more clearly. I truly wish you the best and hope everything is beautiful on your wedding day!
2006-06-14 12:53:33 · answer #2 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get premartital counseling. You still have some time to arrange for a therapist to work on your relationship issues.
You are both under a lot of pressure right now with the impending wedding, but deffinetly, if you behaviour is upsetting your fiance, it's is an issue that needs to be adressed.
Are there any traumatic experiences in your past that make you push him away as a defense mechanism? Whatever it is, he is NOT at fault for whatever happened to you in the past and you should learn to put your guard down and trust him, otherwise, you are at risk of losing a good relationship by dragging the dirt from your past.
Get counseling as soon as possible and remember: There is a difference between "trying" and "doing". Trying is just not gonna cut it.
Good luck
2006-06-14 09:59:14 · answer #3 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, you are clearly not ready for marriage. In a way, your fiance is trying to tell you this. Maybe he doesn't want to be the one to call off the nuptials. Your emotional issues need to be dealth with before the wedding, honey...and really - should have been dealt with before entering a commitment of this magnitude. He also needs to consider where his needs are: why is he that needy, or is that you're that stoic? The intimacy problems will follow you if you don't address it now. I would recommend pre-marital counseling. Holding this wedding off and being confident about your future will be the best thing to happen to you both.
2006-06-14 12:17:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't believe that he is looking for a way out.
Fighting before a wedding with your fiance is very common, all of the stress piles on top of you, and emotions become inflated and everything is the end of the world....kind of like when you were a teenager.
I suggest that you do get pre-marital or marital counseling, since this seems to be a legitimate problem. You are not communicating correctly with each other, and that definitely needs work for a marriage. Like I said, sounds like you just need a little reassurance. Talk to your pastor, see if he can clear the air a bit.
good luck!
p.s. pre marital did wonders for me and my fiance's relationship!
2006-06-14 10:05:34 · answer #5 · answered by irishcreaminator83 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No hes not looking for a way out. But its your problem that might drive him away. Hes gonna be your husband, but first he has to be your best friend, someone you can trust and confide in. You guys are gonna be married in two weeks, you have to change how you are, and be able to talk to him, and tell him everything. And if not, than i can understand why he wont marry you. You need to change, your gonna live the rest of your life with this man, YOU NEED TO BE ABLE TO TALK TO HIM.
2006-06-14 10:58:17 · answer #6 · answered by Happily Married 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only person that knows for sure is him. Ask him. Sit him down and talk to him about it. Let him know that if he doesn't want to marry you, it's okay. (I know, it's technically NOT, but wouldn't you rather it happen now than go through a divorce down the road?) Good luck!
2006-06-14 10:37:43 · answer #7 · answered by bluez 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds to me like he is trying to probe you enough to make sure the two of you have that deeper connection before taking the plunge into wedlock, and to make sure that marrying now won't hurt your relationship more than it will help, you love the guy......so trust that this is all it is and tell him you are trying to open up more, but it is difficult and scary and you need him now more than ever to help you, hear you out and be there for you.
2006-06-15 16:26:01 · answer #8 · answered by ~Princess*Bonkers~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋