how do I not feel quilty????

Question

I am a first time mother of a 2 year old little girl....I love her so much but I feel guilty if I do anything for myself, if I take a shower or take a nap, or get a sitter to go out, I work full time so I feel if i'm off work every second of my time has to be with that little girl or i'm just totaly guilt stricken. how do I do stuff for myself without feeling guilty?

Answer 1

A wise women (my mother--who had 5 kids) once said, "Think of it this way: you should set an example for your daughter." Parents need "alone" time and "couple" time and need to take care of themselves. It shouldn't be seen as being selfish, it should be seen as responsible. Parenting is an exhausting job and we need time to refuel, whether it's taking a nap, grocery shopping alone, or going out with friends on occasion. It's perfectly normal and healthy. You are doing your daughter a favor by taking care of your needs. That time you spend doing something for yourself eases your stress and can make you an even better mother!

I am a single mother of a two year old little boy and I do understand. I also work full-time and he spends the day at day care. I, too, found it difficult to be away without feeling guilty until I figured out that it's okay to still have a little bit of a "life" outside of being a mother. When my needs are met, I'm happier and when I'm happy, I have more tolerance and appreciation for my energetic and independent two year old.

Good luck!

Answer 2

I have a 20 and an 18 year old. As they were growing up i never went out at all. I was a stay at home mother and felt that was my job to stay home and give every second of my life to them. Im now 41 they just finished graduating and all is well. Im ready to have my time now. I really believe that i should have taken more time for myself though because now all i do is work,work,work. They actually dont realize that i dedicated my every waking moment to them either. Kids know that you love them and remember all good times no matter if you are there every minute or not. Just spend quality time with your baby but do have a life also.Dont feel guilty if you go out time for yourself will help you grow. A babysitter will also allow them to be sociable with others and that is important. Have fun!!!!!

Answer 3

I feel your pain! I was right where you are now a few years ago. You deserve to do stuff for yourself, definitely. I hope you have her on a schedule. Which would mean she goes to bed at a reasonable hour. I would have my babysitter come over about 15 min before my daughter went to bed. I put her to bed like usual, waited a few minutes to be sure she went to sleep OK, then went out on the town for a few hours. That's one way you can get out and do something for yourself without taking away from your time with her. O'and by the way, the reason you should have the babysitter come over BEFORE she's put to sleep is in case she wakes up and needs something she's not shocked or scared because it's not Mommy coming in to help her.

Believe me, "guilt based parenting" is not a good thing. I don't have time to explain it here, but there's a lot of info on-line about it and a local book stores.

I wish you the best of luck. I know it's hard. Especially when they're babies...I still deal with SOME guilt for working all these years but "it is what it is".

Answer 4

The only way you're ever going to get past this is to just do it.I know that sounds harsh,but it's true.The fact that you do feel guilty shows what a wonderful mother you really are,but if you don't take some time alone for yourself you may become resentful indirectly.And believe it or not kids of all ages are very receptive of there parents emotions.I have a 10 year old son and a 16 year old daughter so i have a little experience.It's so important for you to have SOME time apart from your child!It gives you a sense of renewal,it will re-energize you,and you will appreciate your time with your child so much more.Life does not end when we have children!Good luck sweetie!Hey wait 'til she's a teenager,you'll be begging to get away!!!

Answer 5

Feeling guilty is a part of motherhood! You will feel guilty over the silliest things I am telling you! First, i'd find friends who have kids of their own that you can talk to when you do feel guilty. My friends are the first ones to pick me up when I'm feeling bad. Another thing is anytime you start feeling guilty, remember that taking time out for yourself makes you a better mother. It will leave you less stressed and believe it or not she knows when you're upset. Good luck sweetie and don't sweat the small stuff!

Answer 6

Well, if the fact that you're not spending enough time on yourself is bothering you, then you just have to train yourself to accept that it's OK to do for you. That will help keep you sane and happy which in turn will allow you to make your daughter happy. Just remind yourself everytime you feel that guilt that you are a great mom and you give her everything she needs and look forward to seeing her. As long as you make the most of the time you are with her, she'll know that she's got a great mom. It's important to keep yourself happy so don't feel guilty, feel happy that you're a great mom!

Good luck.

Answer 7

You sound like a loving mom. I am a new mom of a 4 month old and have had the same feelings. I was told to not feel bad because everyone needs a little "time" for themselves. Even babies and children need that time to just chill. It's the only way we can keep our sanity in the crazy realm of motherhood. Take care :)

Answer 8

Get used to feeling guilty about stuff with your kids, but let go of feeling guilty about being a human being and needing to be someone other than MOM. It'll get easier as she gets older and doesn't cling to you every second. Look around you and you will see parents with kids that are grown and they don't know what to do with themselves any more, they don't even know who they are because they lost their whole identity to parenthood. You'll see them, they are the ones still talking to their teenagers like they are two year olds. You don't want that.

Answer 9

wanting to be there 24/7 for your kid is normal, but i don't think it's healthy to do that if you are running yourself into the ground. everyone and anyone on earth can tell you that you won't be the best mommy you can be if you don't take a breather once in a while. even the "best" (if there is such a thing) mommies do things for themselves now and then. it's normal and human and totally okay to do. having a child and spending time with that child shouldn't feel like a burden. do something for yourself and feel good about it. spend a little time away from your kid and miss her. nothing is wrong with that! ;)

Answer 10

you need to understand that you need time for yourself or you'll go crazy, im a mother of a 5 1/2 yr old and i made it a point to make time for myself and to go out with friends as well as be a mother to her, just because your a mom doesn't mean u have to spend every waking moment with ur children, parents would lose their relationship, and single mothers wouldn't find happiness with someone new.