Problem with my daughter?

Question

My daughter is six and is on summer vacation. I work second shift which is working out great for her because she gets to play from the time she wakes up to almost three in the afternoon. Then she comes to work with me. But the problem is every day about an hour before I leave for work one of the teen girls that lives in our apartment takes the other kids swimming. I do not know this teen girl and do not even know her age though I would put her at 13-15. I am very protective of my daughter and she has to play where I can see her but all these other kids around here that are her age are all over the place whether their parents can see them or not. This teen often hangs out with them watching over them. My daughter wants so badly to go swimming with these kids but there just isnt time when they go. Today she asked me if the teen could babysit her. Now I work until midnight but I do have someone else that could pick her up after a few hours. However I have NEVER left her with a babysitter.

I do mean NEVER left her with a babysitter. And I do not even know this girl. So today the answer is NO WAY. However do I get to know her and find out from others in the area who she is and how she is. Or do I just keep making my daughter come with me. After all she has several hours of play in the morning and can go swimming then etc.

Thanks for all the answers so far!!!
I just want to verify a couple things. First of all I do take my daughter swimming just us or us and a couple of her friends. She is a very good swimmer but is only six and I have never let her go without me. I work at a daycare so she is around a lot of other children at my work too. I know she just wants to play but like I said I do not know this girl. Maybe getting to know her wouldnt be a bad idea. But I am just so unsure!!!
Thanks again to those who have answered so far.

Answer 1

why don't you find out exactly who the teen is and speak to her parents?i am the same with my 9yr old daughter.

Answer 2

littlemommaisme,

I was like Tom Sawyer when I was young. I was everywhere and into everything – it was great. I didn’t allow my 4 children the same freedom because the world has changed since I was young 35 years ago. I would also have had trouble letting my children swim without an adult that I trusted present. It only takes a few minutes to have a really bad experience that you would never get over. At your daughter’s would be babysitter’s age, I was at the beach all day everyday with my friends all summer long. I wouldn’t have gone to the beach alone at your daughter’s age though.

All children challenge the limits that you give them and most of them want to be like all the other kids and do what they do.

My way of parenting was to always make sure that my kids knew that I loved them, and I always tried to say, “Yes.” when they asked me for permission to do something. When I couldn’t say, “Yes.” I said, “No.”

That should tip the scales in favor of your daughter growing up to be a confident, well-adjusted, independent adult that is able to make wise choices. Being too protective or too permissive are both unhealthy. You sound like you’re doing a great job, and maybe just a little on the too protective side, but I’m certain that your daughter knows that you love her, and you’re doing it for her own good.

God bless.

Answer 3

i don't think it's a bad thing to have a sitter for your child, but you don't even know the teenager's name! why don't you take your daughter swimming for a couple of hours before you go to work, or make it a together-thing you do on the weekend? and who are the other kids the teenager takes to the pool? are they her siblings? does she get paid? is it actually her job? i never left my child with any sitter except my mother and sister. and the reason i didn't is because i was afraid a sitter would neglect or abuse her. i assume that's your reasoning, too. i especially wouldn't allow my six year old to go swimming with a 13-15 year old--even if that 13-15 year old was my other daughter, sister or niece. how many other kids is this young teen supposed to be responsible for? it's hard enough for anyone to keep an eye on their own child in a crowd, but at a SWIMMING POOL?!!? what happens if two of the children need attention at the same time? will she have enough maturity, experience, and know how to handle the situation? or will she leave your child behind because she knows the other child better. no, that's not a risk i'd be willing to take. it doesn't matter how mature and wonderful this teen is, she is still a young teen. what was on YOUR mind at the pool when YOU were 15?? i vote for better safe than sorry. if your daughter becomes upset because "everyone else can go", just let her know she isn't "everyone else", that's she's special. you want her to be happy and have fun, but you're the adult. if she wanted to go swimming all alone, would you let her? of course not, but that's exactly what you might be doing if you let her go off with one kid leading a bunch of littler kids. would you let her have a loaded gun to play with because she "wanted" to?
just use your head and be her mother--don't worry about being her friend until she IS old enough to go to the pool by herself. sometimes loving her means keeping her safe instead of indulging her.

Answer 4

I would get to know the teenager. It's okay to leave your daughter with a sitter once in a while just to get out for a couple of hours and be an adult. But even when I leave my children with a babysitter I don't allow them to be taken to a swimming pool. That's an activity that I do with my children but would not trust the responsibility to a teenager, even a very responsible one. I also think it's great that you're daughter is able to come to work with you and she has a large group of playmates. There's no need for our children to grow up any faster than they have to. And I think that parents who let their kiddos run free without keeping track of where they are are just being lazy.

Answer 5

well i have a 4yr old with the same problem

i wouldn't leave her with this teen you see more and more teens letting kid get hurt and not paying attention to kids

if you have someone who could wacth her while your working
like a family member are a Friend you trust then let her go if not

and you feel really really guilty then take a day off and go with her and those other kids

its better too be safe then sorry your not crazy for feeling this way

there a million kidnapping and molesters out there just because you try to protect her it doesn't make you a bad over Procter i do the same thing my Friend and family

think that i should let him go with these teens and swim and that kind of things

and they say hes gonna have too grow up and be a person on his own

i say i will protect my child from harm for as long as i can when he grows up i wont be able to


sooo keep up the good work hun god bless you

Answer 6

My daughters are 22 and 15, and I STILL have difficulty letting them go somewhere until I know who, what, when and where. If I didn't know this girl, I would never leave my child with her, even for a minute, not in today's world. It's an unfortunate result of the sad state of affairs the world is in, for us to not be able to immediately trust another child, but better safe than sorry! Maybe you could get to know her, explaining to your daughter that until you do, she cannot consider this young lady her friend. And to never, ever, ever go somewhere with someone who is not her friend. Then spend your time finding out about this young lady, and then you can make a more informed decision when you have more information . Your daughters safety should be first and foremost. I didn't let my 15 yr old go to first week at the beach for the same reason..I didn't know the people she wanted to go with, and she got really upset with me. I tried to explain my reasons, and then I finally told her that I had not gone into being a parent with the thought of winning popularity contests. Listen to your heart about this...a mom's heart is seldom wrong. Good luck!

Answer 7

I would think about letting her go and going with her, maybe seperately and kind of read a book by the pool or something. 6 or 7 is the start of when friends become important in a childs life (I think, after reading John Gray) but I am with you - I would be very nervous to have a teen i don't know mind my kid around a pool in particular.

My guess is that once you see her with her friends and this teen a couple times you will start to feel better about the idea. Give you daughter some guidelines and see if she listens to you, even when she thinks you are not looking. If she has trouble with peer pressure you can tell her later the words she needs to do things correctly in that situation.

You are lucky to have such a great situation built in to your living situation - many of us have to look hard, travel or pay for fun interactive things for our kids to do this summer! Peace!

Answer 8

You know what if your gut tells you that your daughter won't be safe then don't let her go I mean she's only six she has to understand that you don't know this girl and explain to her that know adays there are people out in this world that do rely bad things to children and even though she is still ahcild herself you never know. Besides you don't even know if she is actually going to take good care of her because a child needs somebody to wach her very closely when swimming. why don't you tell her that you take her and invite some of htose girls that she is so anxiouse to be around even the teen if possible but only when you ar somebody that has all of your trust and if not then she just has to deal withmommy saying no

Answer 9

Leaving your daughter with a babysiter is good idea. 13 might be a little young, but you should invite her over and talk to her and get to know her. If you let your daughter go swimming with the older girl make sure she is CPR certified. I started babysitting since I was 14 and have been doing it for 8 years. Younger girls always look up to their babysitter. I remember enjoying all my babysitters when I was a kid. You don't want to leave your child with just anyone. Growing up when I would go meet new familys my mom or aunt would go with me, just to make I was even a good match for the family. Good luck with that!

Answer 10

No, I would say that there is NOTHING wrong with your daughter. She just wants to play with the children, and that's fine. Maybe you should explain to your daughter that you don't trust this girl, and that mommy and daddy are taking care of her. When time allows, feel free to swim with her, so she doesn't feel left out.

Also, if you have spare time, don't hesitate to get to know this teen. Ask some of your fellow neighbors what they think of her, and then lead on from there. Just remember, you can't always be the one guarding your daughter. Maybe one day, when you DO hire a baby-sitter, this will be a step of this little girl's independence.

Answer 11

I think you should find out about this girl. Your daughter probably won't let up until you let her go, and who knows, maybe this teen is actually very trustworthy and a good babysitte for your child. I say you find out, I mean, what harm can come from asking a few questions? If you like what you hear, then take it a step further and start talking to the girl. If you take your time, you may grow to trust her enough to let your girl stay in her custody. Just take a chance and ask.