my mom left me with my dad like 3 1/2 almost 4 years ago now she is trying 2 come back should i let her ?

Question

I don't know if i should let her in my life or not

this is not the first time she has done this the last time i let her back in she left again

this is not the first time she has done this the last time i let her back in she left again

im 13 and my dad says its all up to me

Answer 1

My mother left me when I was 7 mos old and left Alabama and went to Texas, leaving us in a nursery. My grandparents adopted me. My mother would call and say she was flying home. My uncle and I would drive an hour one way, and she wouldn't get off the plane. I'm sure you can imagine the hurt!! Then she moved back home when I turned 18 yrs old. We had a very serious talk and I allowed her to see my anger. She tried to explain why she did this. Of course, I said bullshit to the majority of it, yet, I listened. We became great friends and 5 yrs later she died of cancer. I was so thankful that we became friends and I had the opportunities to find out who she was. I don't know all your circumstances, but I would advise you to allow her in ONLY as a friend, not as a mother. And tell you this to begin with. Try to not, think about all the hurt. Tell her is she walks out again, that THAT IS IT!!! Good Luck and God Bless You Honey. I hope my advice helped.

Answer 2

Wow, that's a toughie - it might help for you to consider that she left her husband and not you. (Although, I admit, it doesn't sound like she did a particularly good job of staying part of your life....) I assume that she is trying to be part of your life (and not that of your father) - and you are having a hard time accepting it. You are dealing with more than just the fact that she wants back and she seems like a stranger - you are also dealing with the fact that she left at all. I suspect there are A LOT of unresolved issues you have with her on this point. Truth be told, you will never GET those issues resolved unless you do begin to interact with her. There are things you will learn as time goes by and you begin to develop a potential relationship with her - things like HER reasons for leaving; what SHE was dealing with; how that affected HER. All that will help you understand why there has been such a long time between contact. It may not be an acceptable explanation - but at least you will have one. She, in turn, will have the chance to learn about you and you will be able to express to her all the anger and hurt you have accumulated and how that has affected you. That, too, may be cathartic for you.

No matter what, no one says that - after getting to know her - you have to keep her in your life. This isn't an irrevocable decision. It's up to you to decide who comes and goes in your life. If you find that, after getting to know her, that you want nothing to do with her, then you can shut her out. On the other hand, you might find she is a good additon in your life (mothers can be, you know....) and that you made a good decision to let her in.

Either way, you will be able to make an informed decision in the long run. Not one based on the past and one that is reactionary. The ball is completely in your court.

Good luck, kiddo!

Answer 3

There is no reason for U to turn down your Mom. Don't be ungrateful. Think wisely. U will never be born in this world without your mother. No matter who she is and what had happened. U got to accept her back and it is your duty to take care of her and make her happy. There is a reason why she left. and now she wanted to come back. She might be missing U and the family. She is going through difficult time in her life. U need to rescue her and own her.
Be a filial child and let her live a happy life. Have U ever seen people roaming the street like beggars, sleeping in the cold night in the open and raking food from Rubbish bin. How do U feel? Do U want such things to happen to your mother? Then take good care of her.

Answer 4

well i guess my first question is how old are you by my math if you were 3 1/2 and it's only been 4 years, it appears to me your still alittle young to be doing this. But....you also have a heart and feelings and first thing first why and what is the circumstance of her leaving, sometimes things happen and although it's no excuse maybe dad was better for you, now you have to ask yourself if this is the best thing to do (let her in your life). A mother is sacred, she is the love and who probably loves you more than you know. I'm a mother of two and my children are my life the air i breath the steps i take even the choices i make. i hope your mother realizes that also. Good luck and I know you'll make a good choice

Answer 5

It's not going to be easy and there is nothing wrong with feeling like she doesn't deserve a chance but your family is your family and it's good to try and have a civil relationship. But this can not happen until you guys work through all the hard feelings. You are going to have to sit down and have a long talk with your mother and just get it all out there. Believe me, I went through a similar situation and I wrote my mom a letter telling her all the ways she had let me down and how I felt about all of her decisions and we are actually pretty close now. It's not a perfect relationship but we make it work. The biggest thing to get out there is you are not the child that she left, you have grown up and she can't come back in and try to be a mother right away...you guys have to work on developing a friendship first.

Good luck with everything. I hope it all works out!

Answer 6

I am dealing with a similar situation with my dad. Someone on this site gave me this answer "If the person were not your family member what would you do". If your mom were just another woman you knew that left you 4 yrs ago would you allow her back in? Think about that before you make your decision. Just because ppl are family doesn't give them the right to do what they want to you.
My advice is give her ONE chance. Hear her out, see what she's about now. She left you, that was wrong. She needs to redem herself now. If she isn't the mother you think she should be now. Then leave her alone.

Find true love where you can. Blood maybe thicker than water but you need water to survive, you can always produce more blood. Ya feel me? I hope this helps, if you need to talk to someone you can email me.

Answer 7

Once someone has broken a trust, it is hard (but not impossible) to rebuild. A rebuilt relationship will take time, (and probably much pain to both of you). Letting her back into your life, is not the same as having an relationship, but it is a first step.

Whether your relationship will eventually be repaired, or if it will be broken again, cannot by predicted. But to give her another chance, to forgive, Is ordinarilly the right first step. It may be difficult, but it will be good for both of you.

Answer 8

How old are you? If you are living with your father, then the decision is up to your father, not you. If your mother was abusive and you are a minor, then you could call Child Protective Services in your area, tell them what the situation is, and make the requirement that your mother have supervised visits for a year or so until she can prove she will not be abusive.

Otherwise, your father will be making those decisions about his home, since he's the head of the household.

Answer 9

You should at least see what she has to say and give her the chance to answer the questions you have for her. By no means is this going to be easy for either one of you, take your time. Once you have asked her what you need to, you will be able to answer your own question about letting her back into your life.

Answer 10

Always respect your parents, but hell no if she left you then it's pretty demanding of her to ask you to take her back. At the same time I don't know the situation, if she went to rehab or something to get clean for you or whatever. Just remember to be respectful you only get one Mom and One Dad.