Can anyone cheer me up?

Question

I am having a really bad day today. I have had nothing but bad news and disappointment! I know it will be better tomorrow, but right now I could use a laugh. Can you help??

Answer 1

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2 People who are willing to get off their @ss to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3 When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". D*** right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4 When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the h*** would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their @sses!

5 When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the d*** floor.

6 People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8 When people say "life is short". What the h***?? Life is the longest d*** thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumb@ss?

Hope you laughed at atleast one of these!

Answer 2

Things to do in an elevator:

1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back and go back for more.

3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.

5) Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day your day been?"

6) Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

8) Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

9) Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.

10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking.

11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"

13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, They open up again."

15) Swat at flies that don't exist.

16) Tell people that you can see their aura.

17) Call out, "group hug!", then enforce it.

18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, Got enough air in there?"

20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I have new socks on."

26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other
passengers, "This is my personal space!"

27.) ask "excuse me, my butt itching, can anyone scratch it for me?" (you are holding things in your two hands)

28.) Turn against the wall and start talking to the wall.

29.) Look at your "invisivle" watch, and take your wrist and ask one of the people "Is this time right?"

30.) Start hummong really loudly like you are meditating "UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM...

31.) start doing jumping jacks.

32.) Look at your hand and say out load "woooooow, coool" and wave your hand at the people and say "isn't it wow and cool?"

33.) Sit on the floor and close your eyes, and start snoring really loudly.

34.) Look suddenly at the floor of the elevator and start screaming at the "invisible" squirrel.

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Answer 3

oh, hope this makes u laugh. there was this old priest who was fed up hearing the people of the town in which he was confessing of adultery. so in church he asked them not to mention that word adultery anymore but to say that 'i have fallen' instead. so the whole town used this phrase. the priest later died. a new priest was assigned to the town and started listening to confessions. after a while he became concerned about the number of people falling and went to see the mayor of the town. he said to the mayor "is there a way of making our pavements any safer because many people seem to be falling" the mayor thought about the old saying and started laughing knowing the new priest didn't understand what their coded phrase was. then the priest said "i don't see the reason why you are laughing because your wife has fallen 3 times this week!" hope this cheers you up.

Answer 4

I'll give a try. Let me get you some links, but here is my wisdom to you. I want you to cheer up, it's that you take out all your anger, bad day, and disappointments on somthing that you like to do, that really makes you happy.

Answer 5

There a lot of cheers: initiate with "Glory to God in maximum ..." God would not want cheers, we do. it is the "we" which you're cheering on. as an occasion, Paul makes his component using atheltic kit. Pslams tell different cheers David sang to Saul.

Answer 6

What did the elephant say to the man?

HOW DO YOU BREATH OUT OF THAT THING?


A man walked into a bar and ordered his Special.
An attractive lady next to him asked him what it was.
He told the bartender to order two more, one for him and one for her.

He, then, told her it was a special drink that gave him the ability to fly!
After downing his second, he walked to the window and flew around the building twice just to show her.

Wow, she said. She had a second, walked to the window and fell 52 floors to her death.

The bartender looked at the man and said, " Jeeez, you're a nasty drunk, Superman!"

Have a good day!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 7

To cheer me up when I have a bad I think that “it’s tomorrow in Australia”

Answer 8

The master of all creation is looking down waiting for you to talk to Him it would make His day if youd just say hi and He thinks you are so beautiful and so smart Hed like to know you more
if your intrested just look up and ask for Jesus.

Answer 9

Watch Mind of mencia on comedy central or south park or last comic standing

Answer 10

Yes, rent Arsenic & Old Lace... Cary Grant always puts a smile on my face.