To ask or not to ask?

Question

I moved into a new neighborhood with a ton of homestaying mom's as I am myself. Originally they were very inviting, but lately it seems they give me the cold shoulders. I am a very kind and spiritual person who does not believe in gossip, meds, or church, I live out my beliefs, and do unto others as I want them doing onto me. I live healthy and therefore have a very healthy daughter, wonderful husband, and am very thin for just having had a baby. In the beginning one of the (heavier) Moms always commented in a somewhat negative way about me being so "skinny". So, I do believe there are some jealousy issues. Also I am a very alternative meds kinda person, they are not, plus I belief in my relationship with God being one on one, they all are big church followers. I don't want to feel left out or lonely, and can very much put up with differences ( makes life interesting) Should I ask this woman what is going on, or just try to find friends elsewhere
( though the whole town is pretty muc

Answer 1

I am much like you. I don't go to church. I think that the support of family and friends and my own strength are enough to get me through as far as spiritual beliefs. I also don't do modern medicine, believing alternative methods are more body friendly. I am also thin, etc... I think if you actually question being treated differently, it may just set you apart even more. The type of women you are describing don't seem as though they enjoy being called out on their behavior. I think a better option, so you can enjoy your neighborhood, is simply to be neighborly. Host a backyard BBQ of some sort that introduces them to your lifestyle a little more. Making healthy delicious foods they may have not had a chance to try. Be open to talking about things you enjoy or your lifestyle. Ask them questions too so they don't feel you are judging their lifestyle. People with open minds often live an alternative lifestyle, but those who don't live an alternative lifestyle feel as though they will be judged because they take prescription drugs or don't know where the organic/natural foods store is or because they don't know that echinacea can help fight a cold. Ignorance causes fear and fear causes negativity. They don't understand that an alternative lifestyle is lived by many people because it's earth friendly, it's body friendly. It is considerate of the natural functions of our body, and unlike the chemical medications, etc... they may be used to, alternative medicine doesn't ask our bodies to stop or change the way it is naturally meant to function.

Answer 2

Unfortunately, many women are very insecure. Our culture tends to pit us against each other on so many levels, you know, trying to one up or outdo each other, and the issue of weight is one of the most judgmental of all. Prejudice works both ways, you know. Friendship can transcend all of this junk.

Women can connect on a level that is so amazing. If you feel any type of connection, go for it. Straight forward is a wonderful way to deal with people, no games, no eggshells, just lay it out in the open. We can share our peculiarities and uniqueness and go on from there. To say, look, here is what I believe, but I can respect your choice to believe something different. That doesn't mean there won't be times that these differences will come up, they will, but they don't have to be a point of contention. Life is about different flavors...who wants vanilla all the time?

Answer 3

it's sounds a lot like desperate housewives to me! it's hard to be the new neighbor, especially amongst other women. it sucks that you have to be around such an environment, but i don't think it would hurt to casually confront the situation. there's always a right way and a wrong way to confront someone, so try to work with how the lady is as a person. but all in all, people are who they are... you can't change anyone. see how things pan out and if she's just not a good person, then definitely look elsewhere for friends.

Answer 4

I would just ask what was going on. Do you by any chance push your beliefs on them? If they are talking about taking Motrin and you "butt-in" with some herbal remedy, they may be tired of it. If that's not it, then it could be the jealousy issue. I too lost weight quickly after having my babies and even my sister-in-law made those rude "must be nice" comments. It could be their husbands pushing them to lose weight. My brother in law always tells his wife, "Well she lost her weight so why can't you?" And I'm sure that causes more resentment. But you won't know what the problem is uless you ask.

Answer 5

Kinda know what you talking about. I have three kids---a 7 year old boy and 4 year old identical twin girls. I weigh what I weighed before I got pregnant(I'm 5'6" 120lbs). I've actually overheard other Mom's at my son's school talking about me. They have said things like "What is she, anorexic? or I wonder if she is sick, I mean NO ONE with twins can be that thin"...I'm just a naturally small person.

Try not to take it personally. If they are such shallow people that they don't want to be around you because you make them look bad, it's their loss.

Best of luck and have a great day!

Answer 6

Throw a little get together. Invite them over for a light lunch. It will get everyone together and give you a chance to have fun with the ladies. I do believe that the woman might be a little jealous, but just be your normal, nice self and she'll come around eventually. If she doesn't, then she's too superficial and not worth your time. Good luck! :)

Answer 7

unlikely that the moms are all jealous of you.

some fat bitches defenitely will be jealous of your ability to resist weight gain, that is a simple fact of life that all attractive women face sooner or later.

i struggle too with the fact that being a Christian is about fellowship.

yes you need a 1 on 1 r-ship with Jesus, but his final direction for Christians was for us to love each other and you cant do that by yourself. period

so if you dont believe in the church then how do you figure that you are you following Jesus? because he believed in the church. church isnt a building or something you do on sunday, its the entire group of believers.

you have brought up alternative meds more than once in your question and it makes me wonder whats going on, because it seems wacky at best.

some alternative medicines are great dont get me wrong. and i always try something before i decide one way or the other, but most of the time they turn out to be exactly what they claim to be... alternatives to real proven medicines.

anyway you need to ask yourself what that has to do with your ability to make friends with others, because, after reading your question i am still wondering what it has to do with anything.

also if you dont think that God gave us doctors to help each other then you are just kidding yourself. there are still things that we cant cure for a reason. but there are things we can... for a reason too.

i dont support abortion, cloning embryo, or keeping people on life support longer than medically reasonable, but if you're one of those moms who would consider letting a sick child suffer when there is a medicine that is known to cure, then you need to consider whose teachings you are following, and i would defenitely hesitate to say you could possible have gotten that from the Bible or from Jesus. and i wouldnt associate with you either if i heard you say that you would in fact allow a person to suffer a medical condition needlessly or risk spreading diseases to others because you dont personally like medicines.

i never thought id see the day i said this but... as of right now i think you may be better off from a Christian standpoint by listening to other women out there.

im not trying to be rude either, you sound like a caring person, but you are not following the instruction of Jesus as closely as you claim

Answer 8

Try not to push these things in their faces like you did here. Just try to be a regular person and if something comes up that contradicts with your beliefs, then address it. Just be a normal, fun, happy mom and maybe they will see that first and then want to get to know you better.

Answer 9

Well, try to find other things that you have in common with the other women. Maybe you all enjoy a certain sport or game, or you could go shopping, etc. Just try to find a common ground that doesn't have to do with gossip or religion.

Answer 10

Hon, from experience, I've learned not to put up with anyones bad karma. If they think you're a bad person, that's all they're going to think unless you do something about it. Confront them, and see what happens, or ignore them, move on with your life, and be happy with your family. You don't need friends to be happy, you need only yourself and your beliefs.