I need help! Anyone?

Question

How do you get a guy who really likes you to stay away from you?

I like him as a friend now. We used to be a couple, but I broke up with him for cheating. He was calling other girls...on my phone! Well, we patched it up after a while and became friends. Not really close friends, but just friends. My problem is he keeps sendong my letters, flowers and he visits me a lot. I dont know what to do. I dont want to hurt his feelings, but my b/f is afraid that i he is going to "steal" me from him. What d I do???

Answer 1

Well first of all be honest and tell him that he has hurt you once and you wont allow him the oppurtunity to do it again and as well you have moved on so he needs to move on as well.. And if that doesnt work, realize that on some level you are encouraging him by accepting these gifts.

Answer 2

At this point, I would call him 1 last time and tell him not to call you or write you or send you anything. Tell him you don't want to see him for a while and he cannot come over to visit anymore. You have now a serious boyfriend and you don't need him in your life anymore. If he doesn't understand that, then you cannot be friends. If he insists, just ignore him and give him the silence treatment. If he sends you flowers or gifts, return them to him without a note or anything. If he sends you an email, delete it and don't reply to him.
You have to be strong. It's ok that you don't want to hurt his feelings, but if he doesn't understand that, you will have to be tough and let him go the hard way.
You do not want to lose your current boyfriend over a guy who is obviously not worth it, and that you don't even like anymore.
If you are the kind of person who is shy, you can always write him a letter and tell him all that. But make sure you get your point across, because guys like that don't like to give up.

Good luck.

Answer 3

First off if you broke it off with him stay away from him, there was a reason you left.

If you don't want him doing those things he shouldn't be and it shouldn't hurt him because he knows that he messed up. He didn't think about your feelings when he was calling other chicks on your phone!

If you have a new man, you really need to get rid of the old one and DON'T accept anything from him anymore. That is just not cool.

One more thing, if your new man thinks that the old one is going to "steal" you away, he either needs to grow up or you need to sit down and talk to him about it. You are with the new guy and not the old one for a reason.

Do you honestly still have feelings for the one that is showering you with the gifts and stuff? Are you considering in your heart or your head that you want to go back with him?

Answer 4

Just tell him that he needs to stop. That you have a boyfriend now and that it's very unacceptable to send you flower or letters, and that he shouldn't come by a lot. Why should it matter if doing so hurts his feelings, didn't he hurt your feeling by cheating on you? Even if you want to remain friends with this guy, he needs to be put in his place. He maybe hurt, but in the end he should also respect you.

Answer 5

truthfully, its not fair to your bf now. if he had some other girl hanging around you'd get tired of it quick too.

you gotta just tell him straight out, the truth is always the best policy, you may want to be gentle because he likes you, but he was cheating on you so he's selfish and you will need to be somewhat direct.

just tell him the truth like this:

"i was into you, but you hurt me, and i decided to move on. now i am with someone else, and it bothers him that you continue to call me and send me flowers and all. we can be friends but thats all we are ever going to be, sorry if you dont like that but that is how it is, and it's how it's going to be from now on. if you wont respect what i am telling you, maybe we should just stop talking to each other completely."

it'll probably be harsh at first but if he cares for you for real, he'll see that you are just trying to live. if he cant or WONT see your point, you may need to look for a more permanent solution.

honestly, none of the guys i know would be too tolerant of the x boyfriend still hanging around situation. your current boyfriend is probably way more pissed than he sounds to you right now, if it continues he'll be your x soon too.

Answer 6

i feel that as long as you and this 'persistent' friend understand where things stand between the two of you, the letters, flowers and visits should not be forced to stop unless he wants to. Could be a real healthy relationship as long as the tone of the letters and purpose of visits remain open and 'platonic'.

It would also help in giving your boyfriend a little 'competitive' situation and keeping him on his toes and commitment, and give you some fun too.

Answer 7

Sit him down and tell hiim this: from now on, any flowers you send will be returned; any email/mail will be trashed; when you come to my door, I will not answer. NO..you cannot visit me. And then do it!

He's hanging around cause you're encouraging him. You just can't be a friend after a relationship. It hardly ever works, especially for young people.

Answer 8

You're going to have to meet this problem head-on. Don't worry about hurting his feelings - people like that don't get it unlesss you are very firm. Tell him you have a new boyfriend and while you appreciate his gifts, you don't want to see him or the gifts. Let him know that he's stressing you and if he cared, as a friend, he wouldn't do this anymore

Answer 9

well your new bf has a good point an ex sending flowers i think that goes beyond friends. you need to open your eyes he is trying to steal you back i think you should sit down and think about how ex bf made you feel and how new bf makes you feel and make a decision or maybe be single for a while.

Answer 10

that is kinda weird. i have had the same problem and i think you should talk to your friend (in an open area with lots of people around) and tell him how you are feeling about the flowers and all. i dont blame your bf for feeling the way he does. mine did too.