How do I get over my ex of 4 years?

Question

We dated for 4 years, and he told me about 4 months ago that he needed space. A month later I surprise him @ his house for his b-day and he is in bed with someone else. He treated me like crap. BUt I want to know how do I forgive him for ruining 4 years of my life. I will never be with him but I want to get over what he did so I dont think that all men will do the same.

and just to be clear, you guys are right, I was a fool, He did give me signs and I did ignore them. He had done other thing s to lie and deceive me and when i found out I would take him back because he said he would change and he regreted it. But it was a lie.I helped him buy a car and get his biz started so he was using me. I just feel eally stupid. This sucks.

Answer 1

Welcom to the club. I am still to this day getting over a 5 yr relationship (two years after the fact) So I am speaking from experience. The Only thing that I can tell you is when people say time heals all wounds it may be true but it will always leave a scar. The worst thing you can do right now is get involved with someone else. Because your ex still has your heart. I know it hurt when you spend so much time with one person and then one day its all over. You all had a bond where you were not just 2 people but 1 soul. Its hard to let that go, you just cant let it consume you. The best thing to do is get to know yourself again. because when you were with your ex you lost yourself in him.
If you plan on reuniting with him, you hae to sincerly think about how much you love this man, and is he worth 4giving. We as humans all make mistakes. Men, Our flesh is weak, and even though we may cheat we still love our girlfriend. One thing to remember with men there are 2 types of sex. Sex we just want to have and sex we dont want anyone else to have. The sex we just have is meaningless its just something to do. (Probably how your boyfriend was feeling when he was cheating) and The sex we dont want nobody else to experience is the sex with that special lady in our life. He would have probably killed himself if he cought you in bed with another man, no matter how many times he's cheated.
Or maybe he is just crying out for attention by treating you like crap. (Men do act like childreen sometimes) Maybe he dosnt like a recent change you've made. The only way to know is talk to him. (Hint on talking to men: He's not going to be direct, Men are not as vocal with expressing there feelings. Just take what he says and ponder on it for a day or two.)

Now take 2 of deez and call me in the mornin'

Oh yeah, Good luck with your choice

Answer 2

I know it hurts right now but time really does heal all wounds. There is a great scene in the movie Swingers when this guy was telling his friend that you live with the pain now but day by day the pain subsides until one day the pain is gone. At that point, you begin to miss the pain like an old friend. Its so true. As a general rule, it take half the time you were with someone to truly get over that person.

So what do you do in that time? Stay busy. Pick up a hobby. Workout--I always said that a breakup is the best way to get in shape. Eventually start dating others. If the heartache is really bad, you may want to seek a therapist.

I know its hard now but trust me it gets better you just have to give it time.

Answer 3

My goodness! That is awful sweetie, I feel so bad for you. Let me tell you, from experience, it's going to take some time for you to truly get over this. It may even scar you for life. However, with lots of prayer you too can get over this. Think about the warning signs that you got from this man while you were dating, things that should have warned you of what he was capable of. Think hard because there are almost always warning signs that us females love to ignore. Once you realize what they were, you make sure to steer clear of those same things when you start dating again. Also, take your time dating. Never, ever sleep with the guy, just try your best to hold out until you are married. Even if you can't do that, at least wait until you know for sure that he will be the man you eventually marry, NO GUESSING ABOUT IT. I hope that this will help you a little. I will pray for you. Good luck.

Answer 4

They said, when you moved on... you forgive someone on the past. Forgive is to forget. The more you kept the burden inside the more you will feel difficult to open your hearts to someone...

Not all people are the same. There is always a reason for everything that happens to your life...You just need to look for the positive side, be grateful that he is not the person you will have to spend for the rest of your life.

I've been to your situation before, but when Ive met my husband thats the time I realized, thats how God made everything. He will do something even if it hurts you so bad. But in turn he will give you the best when you least unexpected...

Dont expect when you loved someone that he will return the love you gave to him.. It just a matter of trust, confidence, and enjoying each other companionship. Building relationship is a matter of compromise. It takes a hardwork to make it better...

Just forget the past...Make yourself busy and pre occupied..

I hope this helps..

Answer 5

in what way he treated you badly? i understand you had already broken up a month before when that had happened. or had you not? if not, he probably wanted to break up with you (therefor the whole i need space thing) but had no courrage. which does not make it ok but from his point of view the relationship was not working anymore. maybe if you try and look at everything from a point of view other than "we stayed together for four years, that is a long time so we should try some more for the sake of that" (which is a wrong point of view if you ask me) and try to look at the relationship objectively, you will realize that the relationship was simply not working anymore. after that there will be no more bitterness and resentment or the whole "men are pigs" routine.

Answer 6

why did he have to ruin your life? You didn't leave him during those 4 years. he left you..so get over that, thats the first thing. Second, there are so many people out there you will find someone new, you just gotta let that happen and not think so negatively towards men because one man hurt you. Just let your new man know that you have been hurt in the past and would like to take it slow..if he is a good guy he will understand this. Bonus tip..don't compare your new man to your ex, thats a big mistake that no one likes and they are 2 different people! okay? good luck

Answer 7

Find a new guy. Men are very eager for a new relationship. You want to go out and have some fun. I'll be a new friend to you. I think the easy way to get over it is to find someone else who can make you happy. Get rid of the ones that don't fit and keep the right friends in your life. You can email me.
Scott

Answer 8

No sweetheart, not all men are the same. If he treated you like crap then it was God Sent that you found him in the bed with someone else because he wasn't treating you right in the first place. It wasn't meant to be. But in order for you to get over him you need to get all your crying out now and do what you need to do to move one. It was a sign for you to leave him anyway sweetheart. Don't let your feelings for him cloud your judgement.

Answer 9

sorry ,but when woman asks
for her space and the men don;t respect that
we are called stupid idiots that won;t let go
hangerons and all kinds of hurtfull names
by the very woman that left us,and everyone else
in that clan called woman hood.......

now if a woman goes through the same motions
and has a hard time letting go it;s the mans fault ?

we live on a one sided street ----the boulevard of love
has two sides to it.......

the ones coming into love going one way
and the ones falling out of love going the other

so cross the street,and find someone you can fall in love with again.. just not the same dude who threw you out........

Answer 10

I'm going through the same thing right now. In fact your story sounds exactly like mine last December. Walking in and everything. I've been channeling all my anger into a sort of round-about revenge. I used the spite I've felt to loose 70 lbs and am trying to get myself drop dead gorgeous.

Your best bet would be to put it out of your mind as often as you can and distract yourself with a project to make you a better person. If you need someone to talk with personally, mail me.

Answer 11

Call him and tell him that he is crap and you hate him so badly. It will make you feel better because you will be even with him. Then you just ignore everything he did and him. Go shopping with your friends and stuff. There are more that deserve you than that idiot guy like him ignoring you and treating like crap when you come all the way to his house on his bday. Trust me, itll help.