an easy but hard one?

Question

ok, i live at home with my mom and brother, im 29 and i pay rent,
my dad passed away when i was 22 and i feel obligated to stay home with my mom, i am planning on moving out in Jan07, my question is, 1.should i move out, i live a very good life, but as i get older i am finding it harder to find a man, as i dont want to bring anyone home to moms house, i think it makes me look like a loser, LOL, and my second question is 2.should i just stay and perhaps bring someone home? i could afford to move out and get my own place, but my mom ask why leave? i just need some imput as to what to think, i feel a bit guilty for even wanting to leave, i know its not normal, lol but its how i feel,

Answer 1

Well now..i don't think it's an easy one ..as you have stated in your topic, but more or less to go back to the issue, i think it would be better if you stay with your mom..coz as you said she would be alone...and more or less why rent two houses rather then living in one and with somone you happen to respect and love( apparently your mother). I know what you will say about the fact that you mom is always at home and that you can't bring anyone at all , but you know somthing if one day you do bring one and like make a dinner for the three of you..i think by then your mom will know that you need some space..after that..and who know ..that person might be like the last one you will ever have to bring home. Understand what i mean...it's just a matter of understanding what the other wants..if you try to understand what your mom is going through as if being alone then i know she (your mom) will understand that you are alone too and will need a bit time for your self too.So just give it time and every thing will go on fine!!.

Answer 2

Yes, 29 is a good time to fly the nest. If you can afford to and your mother doesnt mind then you should leave (maybe somewhere near by so you can pop in and see her regularly?)
I would hope people wouldnt consider you a loser if you are looking after your mother. That seems very kind of you.

The choice to bring someone home is a good thing, don't tell them you still live there, allow them to get there first then explain the situation. If you blurt out "i'm 29 and still live at home" they may run for the hills.

Answer 3

Dawn,

I wouldn't put so much pressure on yourself in thinking that there's something not normal about a young woman your age still living at home. I think it's perfectly okay and you are definitely not alone in doing this. I have two sons, one 27 and another who will be 25 this summer, and they both still live at home with me and have no intentions of leaving in the near future. I have a niece who is 31 and has never moved out from my sisters home. I could give you other examples but you get the idea. And all of these young people could easily afford to live on their own but they choose and prefer to stay at home simply because they're happy doing so and enjoy the same freedoms they would otherwise. I understand that at your age you are feeling the need for more personal privacy and you should have that. Have you talked to your mom about your feelings? If not then you should and find out where she stands on your concerns about having men come into her home and even staying over with you there. Not knowing what your home size and layout is like it's hard to inject any suggestions here but assuming you have ample room to allow for genuine privacy should you want to have a man over then I see no reason why you can't continue to live there provided your mother is understanding of your needs. I do also understand that you're probably concerned that should you want to bring a man home then how will he perceive you in this situation and would he even be comfortable doing so. What I would say to this Dawn is that any man who genuinely cared for you and possessed respectful family qualities then he should certainly not be the least bit uncomfortable and respect you for your family values and dedication to your mother. I hope you come to a resolution to your situation that allows you to feel content with yourself and find the happiness you deserve and cudos to you for all that you have sacrificed in your love and concern for your mother.

Answer 4

I was in the same situation, only i was only child still at home. She guilted me into staying years longer than i wanted too, and as a result i was lagging behind in 'getting on with my own life' - you can visit as often as you like! If i were you id get out before your brother does, when he goes it'll be much harder for you to go. Also, it doesn't sound like you have adult relationships with men, why is that? Maybe you need to lean on your mum, not the other way around? Either way, you are too old to be at home and you know it!! Start your own life off. And whats so special about jan '07???? Why not this summer???

Answer 5

I think u must stay with mom and mom should not mind bringing someone at ur house. You can mutually discuss. This way both of u take care each other. A man in ur life (what ever he is) will help u both.

Answer 6

i would move out it is your life and when you are living with your mom it is going to be a lot harder to find a man do what you want to do not what your mom whats you to do

Answer 7

if ur mum doesnt want u to leave but u also feel like a loser bring someone, then have a talk with ur mum and see what happens.

Answer 8

i say stay there as long as u are comfortable , and get along with your family ...... if you want out then get out ...... but if mom doesnt have a problem with you haveing a bf over ....then go for it