I need some tips of newly married couple?

Question

On august am going to marry with whom I ve got an affair of 8 yrs, he is very short/hot-tempered ,even do buss…which I don’t like at all,will be staying quite far away from my parents even his too, at his working place, its a very remote place,I am confused, as I don’t knw how will I manage my coming life??

Answer 1

I want you to read this to make a better understanding about partnership and marriage..


I have never met a man who didn't want to be loved.
But I have seldom met a man who didn't fear marriage.
Something about the closure seems constricting, not enabling. Marriage seems easier to understand for what it cuts out of our lives than for what it makes possible within our lives.

When I was younger this fear immobilized me. I did not want to make a mistake.I saw my friends get married for reasons of social acceptability, or sexual fever, or just because they thought it was the logical thing to do. Then I watched, as they and their partners became embittered and petty in their dealings with each other. I looked at older couples and saw, at best, mutual toleration of each other. I imagined a lifetime of loveless nights and bickering days and could not imagine subjecting myself or someone else to such a fate.
And yet, on rare occasions, I would see old couples who somehow seemed to glow in each other's presence.

They seemed really in love, not just dependent upon each other and tolerant of each other's foibles. It was an astounding sight, and it seemed impossible.

How, I asked myself, can they have survived so many years of sameness, so much irritation at the others habits? What keeps love alive in them, when most of us seem unable to even stay together, much less love each other?

The central secret seems to be in choosing well. There is something to the claim of fundamental compatibility. Good people can create a bad relationship, even though they both dearly want the relationship to succeed. It is important to find someone with whom you can create a good relationship from t! he outset. Unfortunately, it is hard to see clearly in the early stages.

Sexual hunger draws you to each other and colors the way you see yourselves together. It blinds you to the thousands of little things by which relationships eventually survive or fail. You need to find a way to see beyond this initial overwhelming sexual fascination. Some people choose to involve themselves sexually and ride out the most heated period of sexual attraction in order to see what is on the other side.

This can work, but it can also leave a trail of wounded hearts. Others deny the sexual side altogether in an attempt to get to know each other apart from their sexuality. But they cannot see clearly, because the presence of unfulfilled sexual desire looms so large that it keeps them from having any normal perception of what life would be like together.

The truly lucky people are the ones who manage to become long-time friends before they realize they are attracted to each other. They get to know each other's laughs, passions, sadness, and fears. They see each other at their worst and at their best. They share time together before they get swept up into the entangling intimacy of their sexuality.

This is the ideal, but not often possible. If you fall under the spell of your sexual attraction immediately, you need to look beyond it for other keys to compatibility. One of these is laughter. Laughter tells you how much you will enjoy each others company over the long term.

If your laughter together is good and healthy, and not at the expense of others, then you have a healthy relationship to the world. Laughter is the child of surprise. If you can make each other laugh, you can always surprise each other. And if you can always surprise each other, you can always keep the world around you new.

Beware of a relationship in which there is no laughter. Even the most intimate relationships based only on seriousness have a tendency to turn sour. Over time, sharing a common serious viewpoint on the world tends to turn you against those who do not share the same viewpoint, and your relationship can become based on being critical together.

After laughter, look for a partner who deals with the world in a way you respect. When two people first get together, they tend to see their relationship as existing only in the space between the two of them.

They find each other endlessly fascinating, and the overwhelming power of the emotions they are sharing obscures the outside world. As the relationship ages and grows, the outside world becomes important again.

If your partner treats people or circumstances in a way you can't accept, you will inevitably come to grief. Look at the way she cares for others and deals with the daily affairs of life. If that makes you love her more, your love will grow. If it does not, be careful. If you do not respect the way you each deal with the world around you, eventually the two of you will not respect each other.

Look also at how your partner confronts the mysteries of life. We live on the cusp of poetry and practicality, and the real life of the heart resides in the poetic. If one of you is deeply affected by the mystery of the unseen in life and relationships, while the other is drawn only to the literal and the practical, you must take care that the distance does not become an unbridgeable gap that leaves you each feeling isolated and misunderstood.

There are many other keys, but you must find them by yourself. We all have unchangeable parts of our hearts that we will not betray and private commitments to a vision of life that we will not deny. If you fall in love with someone who cannot nourish those inviolable parts of you, or if you cannot nourish them in her, you will find yourselves growing further apart until you live in separate worlds where you share the business of life, but never touch each other where the heart lives and dreams. From there it is only a small leap to the cataloging of petty hurts and daily failures that leaves so many couples bitter and unsatisfied with their mates.

So choose carefully and well. If you do, you will have chosen a partner with whom you can grow, and then the real miracle of marriage can take place in your hearts. I pick my words carefully when I speak of a miracle. But I think it is not too strong a word.
There is a miracle in marriage. It is called transformation. Transformation is one of the most common events of nature. The seed becomes the flower.
The cocoon becomes the butterfly. Winter becomes spring and love becomes a child. We never question these, because we se! e them around us every day. To us they are not miracles, though if we did not know them they would be impossible to believe.


Marriage is a transformation we choose to make. Our love is planted like a seed, and in time it begins to flower. We cannot know the flower that will blossom, but we can be sure that a bloom will come.

If you have chosen carefully and wisely, the bloom will be good. If you have chosen poorly or for the wrong reason, the bloom will be flawed.
We are quite willing to accept the reality of negative transformation in a marriage. It was negative transformation that always had me terrified of the bitter marriages that I feared when I was younger. It never occurred to me to question the dark miracle that transformed love into harshness and bitterness. Yet I was unable to accept the possibility that the first heat of love could be transformed into something positive that was actually deeper and more meaningful than the heat of fresh passion. All I could believe in was the power of this passion and the fear that when it cooled I would be left with something lesser and bitter.
But there is positive transformation as well. Like negative transformation, it results from a slow accretion of little things. But instead of death by a thousand blows, it is growth by a thousand touches of love. Two histories intermingle. Two separate beings, two separate presence, two separate consciousness come together and share a view of life that passes before them. They remain separate, but they also become one.


There is an expansion of awareness, not a closure! and a constriction, as I had once feared. This is not to say that there is not tension and there are not traps.
Tension and traps are part of every choice of life, from celibate to monogamous to having multiple lovers.
Each choice contains within it t! he lingering doubt that the road not taken somehow more fruitful and exciting, and each becomes dulled to the richness that it alone contains.

But only marriage allows life to deepen and expand and be leavened by the knowledge that two have chosen, against all odds, to become one.
Those who live together without marriage can know the pleasure of shared company, but there is a specific gravity in the marriage commitment that deepens that experience into something richer and more complex.

So do not fear marriage, just as you should not rush into it for the wrong reasons. It is an act of faith and it contains within it the power of transformation. If you believe in your heart that you have found someone with whom you are able to grow, if you have sufficient faith that you can resist the endless attraction of the road not taken and the partner not chosen, if you have the strength of heart to embrace the cycles and seasons that your love will experience, then you may be ready to seek the miracle that marriage offers. If not, then wait. The easy grace of a marriage well made is worth your patience. When the time comes, a thousand flowers will bloom...endlessly

Answer 2

You've been with him for eight years and just now noticed these things. If you are concerned about his behavior towards you seek counseling or postpone the wedding. (There's still time) If he refuses there are some issues. At that point call it off.

If you just concerned about being married and moving far from your family and the places you have known and are familiar with, don't worry about it. You two will be in it together and will support each other. Rely on him for comfort. You 'll find new routines come fairly easily and you'll make new friends and find new comfort zones. Relax.

Answer 3

I just got married at the end of May, and 5 months before we were married I moved far away from my family. I don't really understand your question - not sure what buss is....if you don't love the guy, don't marry him. If you're scared of him, don't marry him. Just because you've been with someone for 8 years doesn't mean you HAVE to stay with them. Marriage is a lifelong commitment and you shouldn't make that commitment with someone that you are scared of. Maybe I have it all wrong, but that's the way I interpreted your question.

Answer 4

It's not your fault that your husband doesnt ejaculate when the two of you have sex. There can be many reasons for this -- life stress, performance anxiety, he is used to ejaculating a certain way and intercourse isn't it, etc. Sometimes the way a man has masturbated all his life can interfere with ejaculation during sex .... have you asked him if he'd like to try mutual masturbation or having an orgasm with you the way he is comfortable? I am currently in a similar situation and we have discovered a way to satisfy my man. You're having sex with each other, so it's ok to talk about it in a sensitive caring way and see what works. If you never have foreplay during sex, and if you'd like to, ask him about it. You can have foreplay before you ever get near the bed... while you're watching TV for example. I hope things work out and that the two of you can find the time to relax, explore and enjoy each other. I'm sure that, given time and experimentation things will change! take care.

Answer 5

Sometimes, letting go seems like the easiest thing to do. But think about this: you've invested so much of your time and energy into another person; you've made a solemn promise; and you still know there's love, even if it's hiding underneath the surface. This website will show you how to save a marriage and avoid divorce, even if you're the only one trying https://tr.im/Hh72O

Answer 6

If u could manage 8 years with him what wrong with u now. He will be hot tempered and everyone is hot tempered when it comes to. Thats not a big deal. Very soon u will realise why and on what generally he gets hot tempered. You have to just avoid those situations. U will learn it very soon. Only one thing u have to know, does he become hysterical. If so, its definitely dangerous otherwise its normal. You make sure u never argue when he is shouting in anger. Listen that time as if a song is going on. Or catch him for sex. He will forget it.

Answer 7

Why don't you try for some counselling before you get married??? That temper thing you mentioned, that should be brought under control before you proceed any further. Take care.

Answer 8

Correct me if am wrong but I seem to sense that you are having doubts about getting married to him.
If your guy is this way, its quite legitimate for you to have doubts. I would certainly not get married to a hot tempered one as things will only get worse later.

Answer 9

as u've affair of 8yrs,its enough time to know his nature,though he is short tempered,this is a kind of nature,somewhere we all seem excite on particular things in our life,but we manage it,face the problems and try to make everything o.k,if it may be about my husband,I'll stay with him at every struggling stages of life.About staying away from parents,I'll say marriage life is two peoples own personal life,decide both f u what to do,Build ur own life urself.If u love eachother this all possible.I think he loves u,do u?

Answer 10

Don't get married to him

Answer 11

I can't fathom for the life of me what trying to say? Sounds like the guys is an ***, drop him like a hot potato.