My 3yr old has started pinching and being agressive, any ideas what to do?

Question

I have NEVER smaked my children and never will. They are very well behaved in general. When I ask him why he does this he says "it's because I love you".

Answer 1

Good for you for not spanking!!! It is such an uncreative way to discipline. It is amazing that so many suggest spanking or pinching him back! Spanking and pinching back are a form of punishment, not a way to discipline. Pinching back will only reinforce the behavior. Do not use time out! This is a way for you to control your son and does not teach him how to control himself. It only causes resentment, anger, and is shaming. Don’t take away a toy or privilege if he pinches you. It is not a logical consequence. You take away a toy if he is destructive with it or hits you with it. Don’t give him a sticker when he is gentle with you. Give him a sticker to do an art project. Some silly answers here!

Is he being aggressive or pinching you when he is angry or is he roughhousing? If you are roughhousing with him, slow it down a bit. If this is the case he is getting the idea that this type of play is acceptable. If he is angry, you need to get to the root of the problem. Does it have something to do with your ex or that other man? Is there another child he sees in his daycare doing this and is imitating that child? If you believe there is, talk with his daycare provider. Has he seen a new movie where this behavior had happened? If so, throw it out. Is he getting a lot of attention from you when he does this? If he does, find positive ways to give him attention and love and ignore the aggressiveness.

When he pinches you or is too aggressive, get down to his level and say “I don’t like when you hurt me.” Walk away from him or take him to and area away from you. Tell him “When you are ready to (stop pinching, be gentle, play nice…) then we can be together.”

When he is calm, speak with him about an aggressive episode. Empathize. “I can tell you were really (angry, mad, frustrated, annoyed, hurt, upset) about that. What can you do next time instead of hurting?” He will learn to express his emotions rather than lash out.

Show him ways to show love. Let him know that pinching is not a way for him to show daddy his love. Tell him he can show his love by giving you a big hug, a big smile, or drawing you a picture. Hope this helps! Good luck!

Answer 2

My 3 year old slapped one of his nursery friends really hard across the face yesterday, so I'm in tune with your dilemma. He says he doesn't know why he did it, but as he's usually on the receiving end of some particularly nasty bites and scratches from one particular friend, and he was tired (we've all been up at 6 for the past week), I just put it down to frustration (and perhaps getting his own back on the 'nasty' friend).

My husband and I have never hit our children - we don't believe in violence as an answer to anything and my son is not an agressive child in the main.

We talked to him last night, separately, and stressed the importance of being nice to the people we care about and how it hurts when someone hits someone else and hope it sunk in.

You sound like a good Mum so don't be down on yourself about this. Perhaps something is unsettling him in some aspect of his life - are your family going through any changes which may bother him? Is he going to a different nursery group or pre-school soon and is worried about it. It's time to do a little detective work on his behalf and try to find out what's caused this change - then try and remidy it together. Maybe stickers for going through the day without hitting, with a treat at the end of the week?

Good luck and I'll keep an eye on your answers for any help I can get too!

Answer 3

You should basically nip it in the butt the first time you see it happen. Tell your child "no" and that "it hurts when you pinch". You need to do something soon because when your child gets older and if he / she continues with this behavior it will cause problems and could potentially led to other things.
Corporal Punishment is a good idea. They understand how much it hurts but I understand some don't believe in it.
I see that you don't believe in spanking, that's fine, every parent has their own style of doing things. If your child bites or does any inappropriate behavior tell him / her those things that I typed above and if that doesn't work, usually a time out does. My kids hate this and afterwards they're mad at me but I figure it will go away after awhile. Otherwise start taking things like toys away and give them back after a certain amount of time.

They need to understand that there is a consequence for every bad action that they take.

The law now days are crazy! There are plenty of children running wild and lots of them end up in prison. I'm 22 yrs old and notice a huge difference from what my mother and grandfather have told me. If you spank your child it should be a light tap on the butt. Nothing that is going to make them run off screaming and crying but enough so it gets them. I was watching Dr. James Dobson in my parenting class and he talks about spanking. I'm not here to preach to anyone but it does say in the Bible, spare the rod and spoil the child. There is nothing wrong with a little bit of discipline as long as you don't go to far with it.

Also, right now I am working with CPS with my own children. A lot of their so called tactics are uneffective. I cannot spank my children or really even discipline them. My children were doing a lot better before Social Services got involved, and no its not because I am an abusive parent. My children never even had a bruise on them and they were well fed and taken care of. Its because of stupid so called Child abuse expert doctors who do every test to point to abuse and not look for the real problem.

So to that person who works with child protection, if you really take children in to consideration and what's good for them, you'll not only look at the right now but the future. And for most children and young adults its not looking to great.

Hope this helps!

Answer 4

DONT EVER pinch them back. all you are doing is demonsrtrating that behaviour and that is why children end up being agressive. for the people that have given that as advice, learn how to parent properly, why do you think children that are abused go on to be abusers, they replicate behaviour even if the do not like it or it hurts them

my advice would be try to stay calm and explain each time that it hurts and i dont like that behaviour from you. i would suggest that theres something more going on here, has anything changed in the family or the environment lately, routines something like that, has he been ill, is there any problems between you and your partner, have you being rowing or something? if any of the above, he may just need a bit reassurance that you still love him and that although some things change you are still in control and will put him first. give him a chance thru play or paints crayons etc, to try to demonstrate what he is feeling.
it may be a phase but its likely that its connected to something eh doesnt understand

Answer 5

He is being agressive and manipulative. The answer worries me because he's learned to use the word 'love' to defuse the situation. He is acting without empathy.
You have to put a stop to this now. Pinch him back and say "Does that feel like love"?
Stop trying to reason with him, he's too young.
Set definate boundaries. "Pinching is Not OK. Dont do it."
A sharp "No Pinching" is acceptable.

Answer 6

Try explaining to him that hurting someone is not showing love. Then give him examples of what showing love it... like a hug or a soft pat on the back, etc.

Unfortunately, you may have to take a stand. With my 6 year old, no matter what we tried with her, she continued to pinch. I finally had enough and turned around and pinched her. She didn't like it one little bit! The good news is, she's never pinched anyone again!

Answer 7

Many of the answer have said the same thing as I'm going to say, pinch him back. Not hard, but firm enough for him to understand that ' Yes' it does hurt. Me and my husband had to start this with our daughter who is 2 and believe me it works. But most of all , the first time you do it, is going to be the hardest, but follow through. Don't forget, it's our job to teach them right from wrong. If we don't, someone else will and they wil not be so understanding.

Good Luck

Answer 8

try to explain why he must not pinch or be aggressive, that it hurts and its naughty, every time he does it, keep explaining why and then turn away and do something ignoring him for a few minutes. reward him if he behaves or shows no aggression, even if its every hour in the beginning. He will soon realise that he gets positive attention if he is good, its hard bring up kids but you will always love them but not like them sometimes, don't feel guilty, its tough love.

Answer 9

???? Im confused. He says he does it because he loves you? If he is in preschool he probably picked it up from there. Or if you arent with his mom he might have seen it from her. Possibly TV even, what is he watching? Check on it. In the mean time, punish him the first time and everytime he becomes agressive with you or anyone. Time out, take away toys, take away privileges, but take charge. When you find the source, deal with that. If its the TV dont let him watch, if its mom or daycare then have a long talk with them.

Answer 10

Pinch him back, but not too hard. Just so he understands that it hurts (a little). But make sure you explain to him that it hurts and why we shouldn't hurt people. If you don't do something about it right away it may get worst.

good luck