I met a guy online about 3 years ago over this time weve chatted and texted and kept in touch constantly, over the last year we became closer and as i moved closer to where he lived with work we met up and began seeing each other- things we going really well as we already knew each other because of the time we have previously spent talking online.
But recently i sensed something wasnt quite right and found out he has had a girlfriend for a year he says he didnt know how to tell me as he didnt want to loose what we had and that they were drifting apart and he wants to be with me but needs time to sort it out. should i forgive him and try make it work ?
2006-06-13 22:54:33 · 25 answers · asked by _____ 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He has spent a week apologising constantly and said this is the worst thing he has ever done, and tried to talk about how things could work out in the future if we tried to work it out, and also said he'd try find a job near where i do where i leave my current job-after it all calmed down abit
2006-06-13 23:05:12 · update #1
Decide how much you like him. Nobody is beyond redemption, if you think its worth another shot lay down the rules and give him that chance.
People make mistakes reading your short paragraph I can see his angst. You have been together for 2 years its a safe bet you had invested romance into things so his proably felt lost about the correct thing to do (believe me it happens a lot!) Without you being close he really did have his cake and eat it too type situation. He had a great on line friend and a girlfriend he saw everyday. Without you being close he had no compelling reason to ruin that by telling you he had a girlfriend. (This is a crappy thing to do but thats human nature people just don't deal with stuff till they have to)
No way has he had 3 years of lies with you players don't invest like that...no return for them you know? So its a safe bet a good deal of what he has told you is true about him.
I'd suggest letting him work it out without you pressuring him. If he chooses you while your scarce you know its what you share between you that made him choose you.
2006-06-13 23:25:49 · answer #1 · answered by MercyMillennium 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A guys perspective...
I met a girl on-line, we've "been" together for over a year. When we were still getting to know each other, I thought of looking elsewhere because of her being so far away and me not being sure of how things would turn out. Even now after we met, and very much in love, I sometimes I feel like the distance thing is too much.
But whenever I tried to let her go or have a stereotypical stupid male idea, I felt too guilty, which made me realize that I really care for her! Basically, I'm saying If he really wants/wanted to be with you he wouldn't have let the other relationship last so long...you basically gave 3 years to him - one man!...and he has just given himself choices...I think you're getting the raw deal!
2006-06-13 23:07:03 · answer #2 · answered by Reality 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends what he is sorting out
If he does not live with the girl and they do not have children then he is just buying time, because he either genuinely can not chose between you or simply wants his cake too. This may never end, because he has everything he wants, both of you.
In which case you do not have to end the relationship, but you do have to keep your options open. He is not committed to you so do not commit yourself to him. Spend the time you are apart doing things you enjoy and/or looking for someone else - you do not need to be unfaithful but should explore your and generate more options.
This will have the knock on effect of taking the pressure off your relationship and making you more desirable. Hanging around committed , sad and depressed will make you less attractive to him.
If he does have practicalities to sort out ask him how long this will take and if he stalls, takes more than twice as long as he says then you need to break things off with him.
If you break up, he may
realise that he wants you and this will be the impetus for him to break up with her or
he'll let you go, in which case he did not really want you and you'll be free to find someone who does.
2006-06-13 23:13:39 · answer #3 · answered by del-d 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ah, well - you know all you need to know, now, don't you ? He started an on-line relationship with you WHILE HE HAD A GIRLFRIEND (this business of having one for the last year of your three year connection ? Garbage. And, even if true, THAT means that he had been in touch with you for 2 years then started a relationship with another girl - either way, he should be toast.)
He allowed you to move - both geographically and emotionally - closer to him while he was dabbling in his "relationship" (hah!) with you and his with his girlfriend. How unkind; how self-centered; how ego-centric; how ....horrible. This guy is all about himself and not even capable of focusing on another person - not you (and not his girlfriend, poor her.) He is messing with both of you without regard for what that does to either of you.
He "didn't know how to tell" you .... what a line. What he means is that he didn't want to tell you; he didn't want to lose the emotional feed he was getting from you; he didn't want to lose the other stuff (have you slept with him ?) he was getting from you; but he also didn't want to lose his girlfriend. YOU are "on the side," my dear - and he doesn't need time "to work it out." He has no intention of "working" it out - as long as you will give him the leeway, he will take you for this ride.
There are better men out there - and you can be a better person for them. Move on from him quickly and don't look back. Don't forgive him; don't listen to his lies anymore - they sound good and your heart hurts, but he has already proven the stuff he his made of; it is not going to change. Don't move so quickly with your next relationship - don't rely on electronic communications to make your decisions. There is a lot of to be learned from person-to-person contact - body language, intonation, eye contact, touch --- immediate give and take of conversation.... you will know how you feel this way better than a long-distance electronic relationship. Find someone who respects you - not this kind of treatment.
Good luck.
2006-06-13 23:08:23 · answer #4 · answered by two 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if he didn't have the gf when you were really seeing each other then I would say yes. Really this is a question that only you can answer. If he was two-timing you and you moved to be near him then I would say cut your losses and dump the loser.
2006-06-13 22:58:29 · answer #5 · answered by Gregie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give it a go if you think he's being honest BUT BUT BUT BUT - DO NOT have sex with hum until he's sorted it all out - that way you'll be SURE he's not just stringing you along whilst having his cake and eating it.
He'll either dump you immediately (in which case he WAS lying) or
...he'll wait and sort stuff if he's genuine.
Simple!
2006-06-13 23:01:34 · answer #6 · answered by Nefeco 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah try to forgive him give him another chance and time if he really wants to sort things out......let him be and wait till he solve his problem just stay with him so his attention will focus on u and it will help him decide and sort things out easily.ofcourse with you around always.
2006-06-13 23:00:21 · answer #7 · answered by effy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like this guy has a problem with being honest. He isn't ready for anything serious..because if he was..he would have not done that to you. There are plenty of other guys ready for a serious relationship.
2006-06-13 22:59:22 · answer #8 · answered by Toolooroo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
drop him like he's hot, he's a liar and a cheat, there's no way he's going to leave that girl, all this while why hasnt he gotten rid of her and he still insists he wants to be with u, well that crap, its either he breaks up with the other girl or u break up with him, and u will have to try and forget about him and move on.
2006-06-13 23:40:22 · answer #9 · answered by pOOhPhAT 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you are not ready for this kind of game and he should finish immediately with this girl or else you are ending the relationship. Who knows what he tells this the other girl.
2006-06-13 23:16:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋