Does anyone have any good jokes?

Question

I need a gigle so if anyone has any jokes plz let me know them?

Answer 1

WOMAN'S DIARY: Saturday 29th April 2006.

Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely. I went shopping in the afternoon with the girls and I did turn up a bit late so thought it might be that.


The bar was really crowded and loud so I suggested we go somewhere quieter to talk. He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we go somewhere nice to eat. All through dinner he just didn't seem himself; he hardly laughed, and didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was saying. I just knew that something was wrong.


He dropped me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in, he hesitated, but followed. I asked him again if there was something the matter but he just half shook his head and turned the television on.
After about 10 minutes of silence, I said I was going upstairs to bed. I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply. He just gave a sigh, and a sad sort of smile. He didn't follow me up, but later
he did, and I was surprised when we made love.


He still seemed distant and a bit cold, and I started to think that he was going to leave me, and that he had found someone else... I cried myself to sleep..............

........

.......









MAN'S DIARY: Saturday 29th April 2006.

Rooney's probably out of the World Cup, there go our chances then, gutted! Got a shag though

Answer 2

Lionel Ritchie is touring Japan. After a particularly well-received concert he calls for requests from the crowd. Mr Takenawa stands up and yells

"Pray a jazz chord!"

Ritchie is well impressed. This is a real fan, he thinks, someone who knows and appreciates his roots in Nawlins jazz.

So, he gets on the pianer and bangs out a long jazz riff, redolent of Nawlins, King Creole, the whole damn thing.

Mr Takenawa, however, is most unimpressed.

"NO!" he yells. "Pray a jazz chord!"

Slightly puzzled, Ritchie belts out another long riff, even jazzier than the first. Mr Takenawa is now beside himself.

"You irriot!" he yells. "I show you how to do it!"

So, he grabs the microphone and sings -

"A jazz chord, to say I love you ...
A jazz chord, to say much I care ... "

Fnaar! Fnaar!

Answer 3

Two fish in a tank..
one says to the other,'Do you know how to drive this thing?'

Two nuns in a bath when there was a knock at the bathroom door.
'Who is it?' asks one of the nuns.
'It's the blind man?' came the reply.
'Come in' says the nun, reasured the man can't see.
'Where do you want this blind fitting?' asks the man as he opens the door.

How do you stop a mole from digging up your garden?
Hide the spade.

How do you stop a dog from smelling?
Hold its nose.

Answer 4

Don't know if you've tried this, a friend of mine asked me to try it once, and I sometimes repeat doing it, just for kicks..

Type "failure". just the word, no quoes in GOOGLE SEARCH and then hit the "I'm feeling lucky" button

Promise you it's funny! The photo fits!

Answer 5

What's the different between a truckload of sand and a truckload of babies?

You can't unload a truckload of sand using a pitchfork.

Answer 6

Join this group:http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ilovejokes/

Answer 7

An English or a Scottish ( If you live in Sterling , Scotland ) would address someone by asking " How are you ?"
If he/she is visiting China he/she would ask " Are you HOW ?"
Stupid one . i acknowledge....

Answer 8

why dont old ladies have smears? ever tried opening a cheese toastie. ha ha ha ha ha

Answer 9

I've already posted all mine, why don't you check them all out

Answer 10

http://greatjokes.50webs.com/ here you can find a lot of good jokes,