I have this friend of mine who has been trying to bcome more than friends for a while. I am not interested in him that way and I was afraid I was leading him to believe there was hope for a relationship. Tonight I finally told him the truth that he is a great friend but right now I can't see us being any more than that. I thought that once I told him this things would be better and go back to normal. But now I feel so guilty. He told me he understood but I still don't feel any better. I am finding it harder to talk to him now. How can I fix this?
2006-06-13 19:47:30 · 11 answers · asked by Krista P 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Part of the problem:
"Tonight I finally told him the truth that he is a great friend but RIGHT NOW I can't see us being any more than that." (emphasis added)
You make it sound as though you see a possible future. Either you see a future or you don't. If you don't see a future do not make conditionals as thought it is a matter of opportunity. (Right now no... but may be later???)
My guess is that you really valued this guy for more than his "friendship". That is you enjoyed the fact that he liked you more than a friend, that he payed attention to you in a way that a "boyfriend" pays attention to a girlfriend.
But rightly so, you decided not to lead him on. GOOD FOR YOU! BRAVO!
However, this also means an end to the relationship he was trying to build and maintain. TOO BAD FOR BOTH OF YOU!
The result is the end of a friendship (that was more than friends on one side) and the end of a possible relationship (that was only friends on the other side). Both people lose and that just hurts. Just let things cool down and only hang out with him/talk to him if there are other friends with you. Group activities with common friends. If that doesn't work out... Try not to feel bad. Not everyone can be "just friends".
2006-06-14 07:57:55 · answer #1 · answered by juan70ahr 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Idont think you can fix this. At least not soon. I mean if this person regarded you as a friend for a long time and then as a woman he likes/loves and cares about, if he finds you attractive as a woman, you cant really change that. When he is over you you might be friends again , but my experience sais things will never be quite the same again between you two. As to why you feel gyilty, i guess its because you feel you've hurt him, while you didnt want that to happen, which is true. Doint avoid him, although its difficult for both of you, try talking to him.
2006-06-14 02:56:38 · answer #2 · answered by metafrastria 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont worry, he will quit calling and talking to you anyway. He was only after some kitty and if its not available to come out and play he will move on. Men have enough friends already, the only time they listen to women talk is if they think a BJ is at the end of the convo. You'll be fine...
2006-06-14 03:03:15 · answer #3 · answered by slick_pavement 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time will help. You did the right thing by being honest and not leading him on. The same thing happened to me, and it was awkward for a while, but we stayed good friends, even after I married someone else. It's always hard to say no to someone, but it will get better.
2006-06-14 02:52:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have no controll of your feelings. What is imporant is that you identify your feelings and talk about them with a close friend.
This will help you release the power that they can have over you. Don't react. Give yourself a lot of credit for being open and honest with another individual. That is more than a lot of people have. My hats off to you.
2006-06-14 03:20:41 · answer #5 · answered by BMWBrian 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You'll feel a little bit bad for now but hopefully as time passes things will get back to normal. It's natural to feel a little bit bad when you disappoint someone you care about but you can't help it that you don't care about him the way he cares about you.
2006-06-14 12:12:24 · answer #6 · answered by fidget 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey u were honest any guy on their right state of mind would prefer to be told the truth instead of just playing arrownd games so u did good dont feel bad he just aint ur type
2006-06-14 02:54:01 · answer #7 · answered by Jay 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ive had a problem similar to that.. you might feel bad now, but wouldnt you feel even worse if you kept leading him on and he kept falling faster for you? and then you told him after all that? its better now then later.
2006-06-14 02:52:52 · answer #8 · answered by meagan 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it will only get better once he has accepted it until then u will prob feel that way just try and be as normal as possible
2006-06-14 02:51:39 · answer #9 · answered by the quiet one 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have done the right thing and not led him on so well done.give it a little while and you will get over it and be great mates again
2006-06-14 02:52:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋