Favoritism and my mother in law?

Question

My mother in law shows such favoritism for my second daughter. Not only was my daughter born on her birthday, but she also has my mother in laws maiden name as her first name. She treats her great, and my first born like crap. What should I do?

Answer 1

Exact same story in my family. I was the little sister that was treated differently. My sister was the first born grandchild and was named after my grandma. She would invite her to special tea parties, trips to Florida,etc. And I would get to stay home without any invitation. My parents never admitted to it until I was older, which was a very good thing. However, my mom told me that she did talk to her about it and felt that she just didn't realize it when she did it.
What Mom did do was talk to her parents. Whenever, gram invited sis to something special....the other Grandma and Grandpa made sure that they invited me to do something special also.
Talk to her about it. It can do a lot of damage to self esteem. Your baby is too precious to have that happen.

Answer 2

First off, why in the world did you allow your child's name to be your mother in law's maiden name?? Wow......
Second. Ask your mother in law to try and pay a little more attention to your other daughter because you think she feels left out. If that isn't an option, ask your father in law to. If that isn't an option, show extra attention yourself when you see your other daughter being left out.

Answer 3

A calm and personable chat with her would be a sugestion, but have a3rd party there to act as a buffer for anythign that might appear to escalate the situation... You could ask her how she percieves her relationships with the kids and it might shed a little light on the subject. Perhaps she will even notice it herself if she stops to look at it that way. it's bettter than leving a possible rift in the family unit that may or may not act as a catalyst for later turmoil.
Good luck.

Answer 4

You and your husband, TOGETHER and presenting a united front, need to talk to her and explain that this is not acceptable. Give her the benefit of the doubt, as she may not even realize what she's doing. However, once she's made aware of it, it needs to stop.

She may feel closer to the second daughter for whatever reason, and that's okay, but it's NOT okay to show blatant favoritism. As politely and respectfully as you can...while still being firm...explain this to her.

If it continues, then you need to seriously think about what further actions you are willing to take.

Answer 5

you should remind your mother in law that she almost fogot to say hi to your other daughter, or she almost forgot to give your other daughter a hug, throw your other daughter in her face and make her realize she forgot to invite or include the none favorite daughter.remind her of the other daughter, tell your fav daughter that she has to tell grandma that she isnt including thenone fav daughter,
if grandma invites the fav daughter over for something then tell fave daughter to tell grandma she forgot to invite none fav daughter, or dont let her go if she doesnt let both girls go. include both daughters.
teach grandma a leson, tel mom in law that this year your mom is going to thow your daughter a party for her birthday. tell mom in law that you are goingto your moms house for the holidays, tell her you dont have time to visit with her because you are going to your moms, she will save why are you doing that and then tell her well it is ok it you do that so i am doing that . let her know what she is doing. let your hubby kniow that it hurts you. it will be hard . also you can secretly record her and let her see the tape maybe she doesnt even know she is doing it.good luck.

Answer 6

I would have to ask the age of your daughters. I have 2 grand daughters that are sisters, and have the very same problem you speak of. Let's just say the oldest is a stinker. And the younger is easy to enjoy. It's just that simple. You could speak with your MIL. You may not appreciate what she may have to say. And you may learn something that you're unaware of.

Answer 7

mother n laws are a touchy thing to try and figure out.... but here is what I suggest...... if not face to face then in a NICE letter tell her all your concerns..... go into detail...... tell her the whys and where fors....... Does your first child feel like you do about it ?? if so , you might have to involve the child at a later date...... talk to your M/L first and see what will happen... she might not realize what she is even doing..... I am a grand mother, and I try NOT to show fav. with my babies, but out of 7 , I only have the 1 girl, so at times I do catch myself playing favs..... but I have a son that keeps me in line on that score....... God bless

Answer 8

This is your hubbys job. If his mother treats his daughter like crap he needs to have a talk with her. Why do you think you should do something? Your job is to make sure he strightens his mother out.

Answer 9

not much you can do.. without pissing off your mother in law.. and getting them mad at you and your spouse. but maybe a little chat to try to be more even among them... because that really is not fair for the kids.. if they are young they might internalize that very badly.. and get a screwed up childhood and hate the world!

Answer 10

Mother Favoritism