Today I felt so bad..... When I went to the grocery store.........?

Question

There was a man asking for money..... How bad my heart went out to him and I wanted to help.... I gave him a few dollars...... And driving away I thought ,"What if I just gave him money for his next high?" So then I started to feel bad about having given it to him...... When will people not suffer anymore? My intension was to help him with something to eat as I am sure was others as well.......

Answer 1

You can empathise but not sympathise~;) What you did was it your intuition that tells you to? If so, just let go and let it be. Just always remember to have a calm mind whereby your intuition will lead you. That's where the power is~that's where you live. Like when you pray, you say your prayers and ask for what you want, and that's it. After that you don't think, whether God will act upon my prayers; you simply don't. God will know what to do. The same goes with your intuition. Don't think about it. Just do it. The moment you start to think, then it's a gone case. Let's put this scenario, one guy has a tumor to be removed, and the surgeon says to him, let me "TRY"; the hell with try, trying is crap, just not good...you just do it. Would you let a surgeon who tells you, I'll try.? For me, I wouldn't.. I need that affirmation! That's why affirmations are powerful(virtual tone as used by natives) The power of words. Well, have a nice one; always trust your intuition.

Answer 2

I'll answer the two direct questions first.

1 (actually 2). "When will people not suffer anymore?" It seems quite likely that people will suffer as long as there are people in the world.

2 (actually 1). "'What if I just gave him money for his next high?'" That's entirely possible. I've seen a few people make a living of begging for change and using it for alcohol. In this case, though, you can't control that. If that's what he did with the money, it is not your fault.

From my experience (for what it's worth), I'd say this: yes, some people will take advantage of your desire to help them. But not everyone does, and maybe you did help that man eat today. If so, you did a very kind thing. For your peace of mind, you should probably just assume that he used the money for food unless and until you find reason to believe otherwise. Unfortunately, when you decide whether or not to give, there's usually no way of knowing if your help will be misused. You'll just have to learn from experience and settle on when and how you want to help people.

Having said that, it is very good of you to want to help people, and you certainly should not feel bad about that.

Answer 3

Happened to me--than he went into bar (not to use telephone). I will never give cash unless I was positive now I will buy food or something like that.

In Chicago I saw a homeless man picking out of garbage licking the relish off a hot dog wrapper. I am sure he wouldn't turn down food. And yet I know some who work those same downtown streets and look bad (they know how) and just want money without work. In a way they are stealing from the poor. Dateline or Front line or something like that did a show on phonies-there are a lot of them.

Be cautious and don't support a druggie or boozer it isn't helping them. And beware that there are many out to fool you. Give only when you truly know.

And who ever said there are programs for all-doesn't know anything. Many are not qualify for things. That is why everyday and in every hospital are people who are there because they can not afford their medicine. If there was a program for all-people would tell them. Sorry its just so madding that some think that.!!!

Answer 4

You have no control over what that man or any other person does with any charity that you give. You did the right thing, I would of done it too. Your intensions were very good and that's what matters. Unfortunately, I don't think that the suffering will stop. For some reason it's a way a life or one that we have learned to deal with. There is only so much that you can do for a person until they realize that it is them that need to do something or this problem will continue.

Answer 5

I have been in the same situation. My ex husband one time saw a man, homeless outside in the dead of winter and brought him some wool socks. The man refused them and wanted money instead. A friend of mine walked past a grocery store and there was a man standing outside asking people for money so that he could buy a loaf of bread. She went in and bought him a couple of things and gave them to him. He refused them and was angry that she didn't give him money. Unfortunately, most probably use it for their next high, but don't feel bad, it was a good thing for you to give him the money, he may really have used it for food.

Answer 6

He could of used it to buy food or drugs/alcohol. It's good to want to help less fortunate people. Don't let drug/alcohol problems of people stop you. If you don't want to hand money to the homeless then you can donate to homeless shelters and food pantries. I feel most homeless people really need a handout because in most shelters there is a small fee, around $5-$10 per night. If you're broke that is a lot of money. But there are no guarantees.

Answer 7

The main thing is that you have a good heart and your intentions were right. Maybe next time this happens, you could give food instead. This is a great question. It makes me feel good to see a question like this rather than religion bashing. Thank you very much. Continue to be altruistic.

Answer 8

Here is what I do. I give them nothing. I feel no pity for them. These people have resourses and can use them when ever they need. I have no pity for someone who stands in front of a store and ask for hand outs when they can go into that very store and ask for work.

There are resourses for the handy capped as well. Those that claim to be vets, boo hoo to you. You signed up so any thing that happened to you is your fault. If you were drafted you should have dodged.

I bust my *** every day to make ends meet and I refuse to allow myself to be some bumb asking for help.

You feel pity because that is what they want you to feel.

Answer 9

I used to wonder about enabling drunks and druggies till someone asked me how I felt about leaving someone hungry if food is what they would have bought? What if they don't want to buy booze, but now they may not be able to buy anything? If you feel like giving, do it with a free heart and don't worry about what they might do. You at least gave them a chance at a meal. And please remember that only one or two paychecks stand between a large percentage of our population and homelessness.

Answer 10

You acted selflessly and that is what is important. What he does with the money is up to him. True charity, generousity and selfless service lies not in the why, but in the doing itself. It is not that we like to see our money wasted, except that if you truly acted selflessly, then it is no longer your money. You detached yourself from it. It is not your money, the rewards of that money are not yours to receive. We should always act because it is our duty to act in such a way and not expect certain things from our charity since true charity is detached from expectations. What I mean is, you gave him the money expecting that he would use it to buy food. You placed an attachment upon that which you should have detached yourself from. All that was asked of you, all that was your duty to do, was to give the money. It was not your duty to have expectations. Expectations cause us to attach ourselves to the money and its use. The idea that things would not go as we expected causes us to suffer. Acting selflessly means detaching yourself from the action itself. Doing it for the sake of doing it. Paramahamsa Sri Nithyananda Swamiji says "We suffer when there is a gap between reality and our imginations. By imaginations I mean our expections, how we think things should be or how things should work or how things should go or be happening. The larger the gap, the more we suffer." The expectations are attachments and those attachments cause us to suffer rather than enjoy the bliss of acting selflessly. Until you had thought about how he might not use the money as you had expected, how did you feel? Did you feel joyful, blissful, happy? Yet, it vanished the moment you thought that your expectations might not occur. Suddenly your feeling of joyfulness, happiness, blissfulness, was gone. Why? Because anything we attach ourselves to to create happiness is always false, it's not true happiness because it is still dependent on something (attachment).

You shouldn't feel bad. Consider how many people passed the man by with money in their pockets and did not give him anything. Consider how many people don't even notice that he is there. Does it really matter so much what he does with the money? The receiving of money may have meant little compared to the feeling of just being noticed. The feeling of just being noticed may be little compared to the feeling of being treated with respect as a human being. You should consider those things, too. Perhaps he does use the money to buy food or something else, but perhaps what mattered more to him was the fact that you took the time to notice him, see him as a human being, and offer help in the form of money. We often overlook the fact that sometimes just showing someone that we truly care about them is often much more important than all the things we could give them. Sometimes things, like money, don't mean as much as just having someone take time to stop and show that they care. You did that, you shouldn't feel bad about doing that. All of us are sparks of God. A Hindu teacher once said "the way we treat others reflects the way we treat God." Would you have second thought how God would have used the money you gave? Do you think you'd still have placed any expectations on the money if you were giving it to God? What do you think God would consider more important about the interaction: the fact that he got money, or the fact that you stopped and took time to care? I don't think we often think about things in this light. It is a challenge that I, too, sometimes fail. There are always more opportunities for selfless action and this always presents us with the chance to face the challenge.

Peace be with you and may your charity bring you joy.