Shouldn't my sister-in-law greet me at the door?

Question

My sister in law watches my daughter 3 days a week for me but there are times when I come pick her up and she has my daughter in the baby swing (instead of carrying her!) and she is doing something for one of her kids. Would it be too much to ask that the time she knows I will be coming that she pick my daughter up and hold her for awhile until I get there, then greet me at the door with a smile? Yesterday night when I arrived my daughter was sleeping on a blanket in the floor and my sister in law was dressing her two kids for bed. I just couldn't believe it. I don't know, maybe I was raised different, but I would have kept the baby awake and busy at least until the Mom gets there, you know? Isn't that just out of respect? Do you have this problem with a babysitter? I really want to tell her that I wish she would not put my daughter down because she is not used to me putting her down at home, I do everything with her on my hip. But how do you tell a relative that?

Answer 1

Good grief if your gonna be so anal about it then you should stay home with your baby yourself.

Answer 2

Everyone here has been rather nasty, so let me try to be nicer.

It is very obvious that you suffer mommy-anxiety. You have extremely high and very unrealistic expectations, and a whole lot of excessive fears.

Your daughter was on the floor sleeping, was swinging I assume contentedly in the swing... that means that despite your arguement that your daughter is not accustomed to being put down at home she isn't against it... and may in fact, enjoy it.

Based on all that you said and wrote though I don't think any of your complaints are the real issue. The real issue is that you hate being away from your daughter and out of control of her care. Until you get over this you will find no child care provider besides yourself will make you happy.

You are going to have to accept that other people are not going to do everything the way you would... and that is actually good. Not because your ways are wrong, but because there are many -right- ways. Using swings, jumpers, and walkers doesn't make someone a bad parent or caregiver... just one who occaisionally needs their hands for other purposes.

Why not, instead of telling your sister-in-law how you would do things, or how you think she's doing wrong... why don't you sit down with her and ask her to tell you what she does with your daughter all day. For one thing this will give you access into what your daughters day routines there are so you won't feel so disconnected with your little one; and for another this will give you an inside look at how your sister-in-law relates with your baby.

If you find that the way in which your sister-in-law handles the baby is by literally ignoring her the whole day, just giving her bottles and putting her to sleep in devices or on the floor - if that's the whole day's story I would suggest finding a new sitter. If however you find that she has spent some time talking and playing with and cuddling baby- then you need to relax and accept that there is nothing wrong going on, just something different.

Answer 3

You don't tell a relative that-as long as your daughter is not being abused by your sister in law you should be grateful that this woman is willing to babysit her! As far as your daughter sleeping on a blanket on the floor-whats wrong with that? Kids sleep on the floor all the time and most of them enjoy it!! I think you are over-reacting on this whole situation. But if you don't like the way your sister-in-law watches your daughter you always have the option of taking your daughter else where. Sounds to me like you don't like your sister-in-law much and are just looking for a reason to pick a fight with her!!!

Answer 4

It sounds like your sister-in-law is doing a great job. I don't see how letting the baby take a nap could be a bad thing. Frankly, it almost sounds like you are more interested in getting your baby's attention (requiring her to be awake) than you are in her welfare. Of course, you are the parent, so you have the responsibility to see that your daughter is cared for properly. I agree with the previous answerer that if you think your sister-in-law isn't doing a good job you might want to find some other form of child care.

Answer 5

You're upset because she's taking care of her own kids? And have you tried to "keep a baby awake" when she doesn't want to be? it's not good for anybody. You are such an ungrateful witch, I'm surprised your sister in law lets you in her house. There is no problem with the babysitter--it sounds like she is doing a good job and has a lot to deal with.

Answer 6

Honestly, you are very ungrateful. Yousr sisiter in law is trusted to watch your baby--yet you want to dictate to her what to do when she has to deal with the dirty diapers, teething, crying and demands of " your precious baby".

You complain she doesn't meet you at the door with a smile! She isn't you maid or "nanny". Your daughter was obviously tired and sleeping peacefully when you arrived. Meanwhile your sister in law, is supposed to neglect her children to kiss your..... When she quits you will wish your child was back with family.

You should come in with a smile, coffee, donuts..or dinner for everyone delivered by you to show appreciation. After all the stay at home mom, doesn't get a 15 minute break, lunch hour or tips!

Answer 7

You are freaking out, Your sister is doing everything right. Just because ur baby is sleeping when she gets there doesnt mean she is wrong. Maybe the baby got fussy so she stuck the baby in the swing. To me it doesnt sound like she is doing anything wrong! You really shouldnt hold your baby so much its not good for them anyhow, causes a problem with them being stuck on you in the long run.. Goodluck!

Answer 8

Get over your self your child is not the most important thing in every ones life! She has her own kids to take care of too, do you want her to neglect them so your baby can have all the attention? Get real and get a new babysitter because this is going to cause problems throughout the whole family, and you are going to be the petty little cause of it all.

Answer 9

You seem to be a worrisome first-time mother. None of the actions you describe your sister-in-law doing are uncommon or wrong. Always holding your child and never putting her down will most likely teach her to be needy and clingy. I'd be willing to bet you will have problems with that later on. That being said, if you have a problem with how your sister-in-law handles child care, simply pay someone else to meet your exacting standards.

Answer 10

Children need to be independent. The only way to teach them that is to let them do things on their own. They can not do that while they are on someones hip all the time. Also, how do you get anything done with a baby attached onto you all the time? I have 2 kids and they are able to do things by themselves because of this very reason. It's good for them. It helps them develop their motor skills.

Answer 11

if you don't like the way she cares for your daughter find somene else, but there's nothing wrong with putting a baby down. she has a lot to do with all those kids, sounds like she's doing fine.