what is your most favorite joke of them all?

Question

i don't care if its "your momma" or a "blond" joke. just what ever.

Answer 1

High Tech Bodies

Three women, one Greman, one Japanese, and a Hillbilly were sitting naked in a sauna.
Suddenly there was a beeping sound.
The Greman pressed her forearm and the beeping stopped.
The others looked at her questioningly.

"That was my pager," she said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later, a phone rang.
The Japanese women lifted her palm to her ear and talked quietly.
When she was finished, she explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."

The Hillbilly woman felt decidedly low tech.
Not to be outdone, she decided she had to do something just as impressive.
She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom.
She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her behind.
The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her.

The Hillbilly woman finally said, "Well, will you look at that, I'm getting a fax."

Answer 2

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were
in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the
captain bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate
quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and led the
crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred
among the crew, the pirates were repelled.
Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending
boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain, calm as ever
bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on, however,
the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, although this time
more casualties occurred.
Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the
day's occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, "Sir, why
did you call for your red shirt before the battle?"
The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give,
exhorted, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and
thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid."
The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man. As dawn
came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10
of them, all with boarding parties on their way.
The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual
command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my brown pants!"

Answer 3

It is none of them. I dont think so. There was a momma, poppa, sister, brother, and baby. the plane was gonna crash and there was only 4 parachutes. So they left the baby behind. When the rest of the family got home there was a hole in the wall and the baby was sitting on the couch. The brother asked how did u get here so fast? The baby said me chinease me no dumb me go sit on daddy's bum he got PHTTTT(FART) and me go zoooooooom thats how i get home so soon!!!

2 funny jokes: YO MAMMA
yo mamma so fat she sat on walmart and the prices lowered!!

Yo mamma so fat that she used the ocean was the bathtub.

Answer 4

Subject: Poor ole Bush!

Donald Rumsfeld briefed the President this morning. He told Bush that 3 Brazilian solders were killed in Iraq. To everyone's amazement, all the color drained from Bush's face, then he collapsed into his desk, head in hands, visibly shaken, almost in tears.

Finally, he composed himself and asked Rumsfeld, "Just exactly how many is a brazilian?

Answer 5

Two men in California are drinking and looking up at the stars. One says to the other - "which do you think is closer, the moon or Florida?" the other man says - "the moon of course, I cant see Florida from here"

Answer 6

What is the difference between a dog barking on the front porch and a woman hollering on the back porch?
A: If u let them both inside, the dog will stop barking!

Answer 7

A blonde went to a beauty salon to get a haircut.
When the beautician approached the chair where
the blonde was waiting, she noticed that she was
wearing a walkman.


The beautician took the blonde to her styling booth. She asked
the blonde, "Please take off the walkman so I can cut your hair."
The blonde replied, "I can't do without it, just cut around it."

The beautician shook her head in disbelief and started cutting.
A few minutes later the beautician stopped and asked the blonde,
"I just can't cut your hair properly while you are wearing
that walkman. Please take it off."


The blonde replied, "I just can't live without it,
cut around it please." The beautician started cutting
again and finally had had enough. The beautician
reached down and pulled the earphones from
the walkman off the blonde.


Just as she did so the blonde froze, then fell out off the chair and
on to the floor. The staff at the salon rushed to her aid only to
discover she was stone dead. All were stunned! The beautician lifted
the earphones to her ear to listen to what was so important to the
blonde.

In a soft but commanding voice she heard,
"Breathe in.......... Breathe out............
Breathe in.......... Breathe out............
Breathe in.......... Breathe out............"

Answer 8

2 prostitutes walking down the high street one night, one says to the other "eh have you ever been caught by the "fuzz"? " The other one looks at here and says
"No.....but I've been swung around by my **** alot!"

For those who are not Brits "Fuzz" means the police/cops!
When my friend told me this joke years ago in out local pub, I laughed so hard snot flew out of my nose! Nice I know

Answer 9

sex in the dark
a husband and wife have been wed 4 5 years. and every single nite they made love in the dark. one day the wife got curious and started to ask. and everytime she asked he changed the subject. so one nite in the mist of thier passonatiate love sessional she turned on the lights and seen that hehad been usin a vibrator. she got so angy and said you explain this rite now. then he siad ill explain the vibrator you explain the kids!!!!!!

Answer 10

There was a cucumber, a pickle and a penis. They had a conversation and the cucumber said - "My life is sh*t, when I get big, hard and juicy they chop me up and toss me into a salad! The pickle said - "Well, when I get big, fat, hard and juicy, they chop me up and toss me into vinegar!"
The penis said - "When I get like that, they put a rubber tent over my head, stick me into a dark room and bang my head against the wall until I throw up and faint!