Should I have to shell out $58 to go to a bachelorette party?

Question

I'm not sure if I'm really asking here or just venting, but here is the deal.

My friend Erin is getting married soon, and her bachelorette party is supposed to be on the 30th of June in Chicago. I'm the maid of honor, but I'm not planning it, her Chicago friends are. I told her upfront that I do not have a lot of money. For instance, I have $45 in my checking account today.

I was always taught that when you are INVITED to a party, it is rude for a host to ask you money. When you are co-planning the party and all agree beforehand that is ok.

So today I get an email from these people saying that it is $58 to pay for my part of a hotel (already booked) and $10 for a shirt (already ordered). In addition, they will be looking for a gift for Erin, so I'll be expected to chip in for that too.

I just feel like I want to cry because I so do not have the money for this, and I had no idea that I would need it. I just don't have this money and I cant just not go. :-(

Answer 1

Explain your situation to Erin. If you are close enough friends that she picked you to be her maid of honor then she will understand. You can't spend the money if you do not have it. When I got married, my maid of honor did not come to my bachelorette party. We went to St Louis to party downtown. She is already married and has a son and is in her 30's. Partying is just not her thing. I completely respected that and did not expect her to come. She did not come and we are still best friends to this day, 5 years later. It did not hurt my feelings or bother me one bit that she did not want to come. Your friend will understand too. Good Luck:)

Answer 2

To me, a bachelorette party isn't the same as a shower or birthday party. We threw one last year & our original plan was everyone chipping in for a limo to take us bar hopping all night & have a fund for the bride's drinks. The bach. party is usually more casual and less structured, so we (and everyone we mentioned it to) were OK with that. Of course, we would have included all of that including total cost per person in the invitations, & if we knew or heard that someone was tight on $$ we would've just covered it. We also were going to send a where/when so that if someone wanted to come to 1 or 2 places instead of all night, they could at no cost (other than their own drinks!) Ultimately, we switched to a big slumber party/sex toy demo-sale/girls' night in. We (hostesses) provided food, games, cokes, & Cape Cod punch, & even without a BYOB everyone showed up with a bottle of something or some beer to toss into the cooler.
That was a really long way of saying that I think it's OK to expect people to chip in for something like this (although not a gift - unless it's a shower, gifts aren't required or expected), but only if you tell them WAY in advance so they can plan & budget (2 wks is NOT well in advance - you're talking close to $100 before your own food & drinks, & to me, that's a lot to hand out in 2 weeks!) The other bad thing is that you prob. can't even use a credit card to cover it b/c they've prob. already paid for it all & you're reimbursing them. Actually, maybe you could pay the hotel directly with a credit card if that's an option, & that's the bulk of the cost, even though it's not your ideal.
I would say just talk to Erin - she knows how much $$ is involved in being the Maid of Honor, how much your dress/shoes/etc cost, & you've prob. already thrown a shower &/or bought 1 or more gifts. The truth is that if you're worried about the fact bouncing checks for the next 2 weeks if you go, you won't have fun anyway.
I know it sucks, & I really hope it all works out for you. I'd love to hear the outcome if you can post an update!!

Answer 3

Actually, you're right on this one. The Chicago bridesmaids should have asked you first whether you were wanted to chip in, and if so, how much are you willing to give. Plus, they should have asked you if you would be staying at the hotel or if you would prefer to stay somewhere cheaper. They can't just assume and make these decisions for you without clearing it with you.

BUT, the thing is, it's already been done. The hotel has been booked and the shirt already ordered, so you really have to shell out the money. Plus I don't think picking a fight with them will do Erin any good because there has to be peace at the wedding, even if you're seething inside.

I think you should just borrow the money from a good friend, and promise to pay pack as soon as possible. And be sure to pay him/her back as you promised. Even if you have to scrimp on your meals or walk to work for a couple of weeks. At least your debt will be gone, your lender-friend will see that you don't break your promises, and your friend Erin will appreciate your presence and contribution to her wedding.

Lastly, if the gift for Erin hasn't been bought yet, tell the Chicago bridesmaids that you won't be chipping in because you'll be buying your own gift.

I hope things all work out. Good luck!

Answer 4

Buck up and pay! You're friend is only getting married once (hopefully) and you are the maid of honor. Not having any money sucks, but having your maid of honor pissed off during your bachelorette party because she had to pay $58 is far worse.

I would suggest borrowing money from your friends (but not the one getting married...) if you really need some extra cash. Don't ruin the party by being all sour grapes. The attention needs to be on your friend and if it costs you $58 to do that, so be it.

By the way - don't listen to the other answers. Approaching your friend with this issue is a bad idea. Things can only go south. Just pay the $$ and enjoy the party.

Answer 5

If Erin is a true friend, she'll understand. Sometimes things don't go as we've planned. My best friend missed my bachelorette party because she had inaccurate directions, or so she said. Turns out she didn't have any money and didn't want to tell me because she thought I'd be angry. I was more angry at the fact of her not telling me because I would have totally understood her situation AND paid for her to be there. You have the honor to be chosen as her Maid of Honor, which is a costly title. $58 isn't easy to come by these days. Just explain the truth and make sure to add in that you wish her an awesome night.

Answer 6

Personally, I have been in 9 wedding, and if I had known then what I know now - I would have saved tons of cash! If you can't afford to go, you shouldn't stress over it! If this Bride to be is a real friend she will understand. It's amazing how bad people make you feel for a 'joyous' event. If you can't pay your way - you should call the other girls having the party and tell them you just don't have it in your budget. Sweetie, you should also know there is no need for another gift at this party - it's supposed to be just the girls going out 'one last time' before she marries. Good luck!

Answer 7

No you shouldn't. If you made it clear that you could not afford to do that, then they should be more considerate.
I would be upset that my friend expected that of me. I met this lady when I went on vacation. She was meeting up with her girlfriends for a bachelorette party too. They had to go to this fancy restaurant and her RIch fiance' was there and he made everyone pay for their own meal--even the woman--his fiance and his daughter. How crude. Then the girls said they were renting a limousine for the evening out and asked this woman to join them and she knew what that meant--splitting the big bill--so she said that she was tired and did not go. I think that was horrid.
I never expected my bridesmaids to do that for me--I even bought them presents and paid for their dresses.
I think that you should not be feeling so sad. Just call your friend and explain that you are not so financially well off at this time and you feel bad about it, but you just can not afford it. She should be understanding and offer some help. Don't worry about it. If she is your friend, she will understand.

Answer 8

You shouldn't have to shell out a dime. You need to have a nice one on one talk with Erin and explain your situation. If you don't feel comfortable telling Erin your predicament, she is not your friend.
then if you do tell her your situation and she doesn't offer to cover your expenses then you don't need Erin in your life.
But don't cry, talk to her. I'll bet she will be thrilled that you confided in her and that you really want to ne in wedding so bad and she will end up helping you after all.
This has always been a strange situation to me as well. I don't have the money to spend on clothes and things for somebody Else's wedding never mind my own. I think that is an old tradition of making the bridesmaids pay their own way and it needs to change.

Answer 9

$58 dollars is fairly cheat compared to a bachlor party. I was a best man and it costed everyone $100 for the party but the price covered everything, food, open-bar and the entertainment and the rental of the place for three hours.

It is very expensive to pay for such a party all on your own. If a person can afford it they'll do it but most people tend to ask for money to help pay for the party.

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Answer 10

Yes, you should pay. Bachelorette parties are not like regular parties where you just go and the host pays for everything. Typically the attendees of the party usually chip in some money to cover the cost of the party. You need to suck it up and pay.
:)