Is it hard being with someone in the military?

Question

My fiancee left today for his Army basic training. What's a good way to deal with him being gone? I can't hang out with all my friends because he has reasons not to like them and I don't want to break my promise.

The friends are guys because I was always the guy's girl if you know what I mean. We got together after he made the decision but I'm going into the military soon so it's OK. And I WILL NOT cheat on him.

Answer 1

It is diificult to be with someone in the military (but worth the effort). If you can't be around all of your friends because you have given your word, I would make friends that you can be around. Isolating yourself won't help you get through him being gone so seek friends that will respect your relationship and not put you in a position where you break your word. If making friends isn't an option then try to find a hobby or project that will occupy your time until he returns or you depart. Good luck.

Answer 2

What did you do when your fiance was in the same town with you, but not with you? That's where you start. And, as someone else suggested, find some other girls in the same situation as you.

If "all your friends" are girls, and your fiance doesn't like them, then you have a different issue. Do you agree with his reasons? Really agree? Then you start finding new friends. If you don't agree, then you have this time that he's in basic to think if he's really the guy to marry. While you are thinking, do NOT spend time with your friends, so you have an open mind.

Write him a letter every day or two, telling him what you're doing, and what's going on at home. He may not have time or energy to write you; basic training is quite rigorous. Don't put anything negative in your letters - to him or about anyone else. And send letters not emails; they last longer and mail call is an important daily event in a serviceman's life.

Since he "volunteered" for the Army, he has made this decision. Were you a part of it? I hope so. It's important to talk about the turns his life can take in the next few months.

If you're in a town where there's a military "presence", you can go talk to someone there in support services. If not, let people know you're engaged to someone in the Army, and an Army wife will probably "appear" and take you under her wing.

And, if you have lots of free time, volunteer to do something that will take up the time you usually spent with him. Your church, a school, a community program, the hospital - they always welcome volunteers and as my freshman advisor said, years ago, "when you're blue, little girl, when you're blue, do something for somebody - quick!" It was good advice, even if it was bad poetry!

Answer 3

Phone calls help, emails, a good support system IE. parents, family and others in you situation. It can be hard at times being married to the military but it is worth it. I am a dependent wife of the Air Force for 19 years. Always keep in mind the separations are temporary and will make for a wonderful reunion. Look to the future don't dwell on the hard times. I know it sounds easy to say but experience has said it works. Also, check with his recruiter and see if you can get in touch with a dependents support group. Also check out militaryonesource.com it has some helpful ideas.

Answer 4

I just joined the Marines and did it because I'm now single. You have to think about the fact that you're going to be away from home, all your friends and family. There's a high chance of deployment with a possibility of injuries or death. You don't get paid a whole lot in the beginning but being single and living on post, you don't really worry about it. In civilian life you can call your job and say you're sick...you have the day off. In the military you still have to go to work, talk to your NCO or CO to get let off to go to sick call/ sick bay. Big pain in the butt. But then again, your military experience all depends on who you are. Life is hard, no matter what you do. Maybe it isn't going to be tough for you.

Answer 5

I was in the Navy when I met my husband. My husband is still in the Navy, and all told, I've been doing this for 16 yrs, and I can tell you this is a way more complicated question to answer here.

I would suggest looking into joining one (or more) of the message boards set up for miltary spouses, family members, and girl friends/ boy friends.

They would be able to give you a much better idea of what to expect, ways to cope that will make it easier, what to expect, etc.

I will say that yes, sometimes it is hard, but then again, what relationship doesn't have things about it / times that are harder than others?

I can say that I love my husband very much, and as hard as it is when he's gone, and as much as I miss him and worry about him, I am also very proud of him, and overall I love our life, and would do the whole thing again in a second.

Hang in there, and remember, you seperation is never going to be as long as it is that very first second they leave - it's all downhill to his homecoming from there, so if you can get through that first few minutes (first few days), you can get through all of them :-)

Answer 6

It's not hard to be with someone in the military if you love him. I mean its always difficult to be apart from someone, but as long as you're truly committed, then nothing else matters. People that can't handle it obviously weren't in it for the long haul. As for your promise, you definitely need to keep it. It is hard for him being at basic and you need to do your part. Find some new friends or hobbies to bide your time. There are plenty of things that you can get involved in that will take your mind off of things. You could start wood carving!

Answer 7

My father was in the Air force and served in operation desert storm. My husband of four years was deployed to Iraq during our son's first year of life. So I have been on the wife and daughter sides of TDY's and deployments, and having been in the army myself, even on the side of shipped out soldier. If you're going to marry this man, be prepared for basic training to seem easy in comparison to what you will undoubtedly feel when his time to fight for his country comes. Most military wives laugh at a nine week long commitment away from home. That's nothing in comparison to months, or years away from home, missed christmases and birthdays, missed pregnancies and births, or the aching uncertainty of 'the real thing' as opposed to the safety of the training environment. There are no words to express how lonely a bed can be when you are uncertain that your husband will ever fill it again. It is most definitely hard, to put it lightly, but also one of the most rewarding lifestyles. There is immeasurable pride when your soldier walks in wearing his uniform. Or when he suits up and ships out to do his duty. Or when an elderly woman walks up beamimg just to say 'thank-you'. You'll find yourself wearing "I love my Sodier" on t-shirts, slapping supportive magnets onto your car, and talking in the acronym laden lingo only those in service understand. You'll have no doubt that you can move a whole houseful of all your worldly belongings cross country, by yourself, several times, while three months pregnant. It's one of those things that can cause great pain, but also great joy. Welcome to the club honey, Basic is just your initiation.




Do Not believe that your man will be unfaithful! I too have been to basic, and most men there who were married or engaged were honorable people. That said, there are those who do the nasty in nasty places, but there are those same types of people in the civillian world. If you can't trust your man to be faithful during training, you would have no hope during deployment. Only you know your man, we don't, so if you believe in your heart that he will be true to you, don't question it. The bad expiriences of a few do not dictate the actions of all. The horny creep is more the minority than the faithful fiance'. Good luck and keep your chin up, it's not as bad as it now seems.

Answer 8

It sounds like he's trying to control you. You can have any friend you want. I don't know your whole situation, sio it's hard not to judge on this one. FRom hearing stories, I would say yes. It is hard to be with someone who is in the military.

Answer 9

When you cheat on him try and find someone he won't come in contact with later. When you write him don't talk about missing him or being lonely. Just talk about how much you want to see him. That should keep him from getting suspicious

Answer 10

Make new friends...did you meet anyone else who is your situation? If not, there's plenty of ways to make friends with people who will be supportive of your situation. Being apart from someone you love is never easy, the important thing is not to let yourself get into a funk...