? for all those who are in long term relationships and those who made it to and is still married.?

Question

been in a relationship for almost 3yrs. this is my first long term relationship. i normally get rid of them before a yr or it just don't work out. we have 1 child together and 2 ea with another person. for the last yr and a half the love has been dying and we spend way to much time aurging. i was impressed when we hit a yr and i still wanted him, now that its almost 3 i feel that should mean something. i'm not cheating i don't look at other men when we go out which isn't often. i'm just finding out its because of all the men that stares at me.he's not sexually experimental so i don't feel comfortable being freaky with him he sd he has never cheated on me but i don't know if that true. our aurgements are based on whose cheating on who,money,responsiblity, his annoying friend, his mother and his small amount of interaction with my kids. i don't sincerely want to be with anyone else, so if we did break up it would be just me and my kids for a while. any advice on how make it work

Answer 1

YOU NEED TO FIND A WAY TO GET THE RELATIONSHIP BACK TO PEACEFUL TIMES MAYBE YOU 2 SHOULD START OVER DATING GETTING OUT AND GETTING TO RE-KNOW EACH OTHER IT WORKED FOR ME AND MY HUSBAND AND MAKE A EFFORT TO BRING BACK THE THINGS THAT MADE EACH OF YOU FALL FOR EACH OTHER IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Answer 2

I have been with my husband 18 years this month. Many bumpy roads. An affair, a serious medical condition, a stint in alcohol rehab, tons of unemployement (by him) and financial difficulites. Let me first assure you that all of the things you are fighting about are totally normal. The only one that is really going to get you is arguing about cheating. Unless one of you has cheated before and has broken the trust, this should be "off limits" if you are going to make it. It has to do with trust and if you don't have that, or feel you can't get it, you are in trouble. A relationship with out trust has the same future as a relationship without love.

Assuming you can agree to not throw that accusation around any more, what has gotten us through the battles is two things... remember that there will be days, maybe weeks, you don't like each other very much - but realize this is only temporary and it will get better. This a roller coaster, sometimes you are on the peaks and other times in the valleys - that is what makes it exciting!

The second thing is harder to understand. We see the "marriage" as a separate piece of us. There is me, him and "us". When I am crabby or he is lazy, we don't feel like putting the effort into each other, but we always put the effort into "us." Sort of like saying "I may not want to be nice to your mother for you, but I will for the sake of 'us'."

Finally, as for the sex part. We had pretty normal sex for 16 years, it was good, but normal. Until Mardi Gras two years ago and I got very drunk and we started experimenting with sex. It was like we were having affairs with totally new people after all that time! We both loved it.

Answer 3

You both need to talk to eachother. You need to tell eachother how you are both feeling. Relationships take a ton of work - the sparks and magic don't just stay forever. You both need to put effort in the relationship to keep the spark alive. Start doing things together - at least once a week go out to dinner alone (get a sitter for the kids). Also make sure to spend time together as a family.
You need to also be honest about your desires in the bedroom or you are going to end up cheating. Let him know you want to spice things up - if he's conservative you may have to ease him into it, but just be honest with him and take your time.
If you both talk and really make an effort, yet you are still arguing, you should see a couples counselor. A counselor will help to address the issues you both have individually and also as a couple.

Answer 4

I was in a long, long term relationship for about 12 years and I was fed up playing house and I wanted to lived my life righteous. So I told him that he had robbed me of my youth and marriage was on my mind and that I had prayed for a husband and if he wasn't the one then he was out.Oh we both did a little dipping and dabbing outside the relationship but he was so slippery with his (I wasn't) and I caught him messing around( long story short) and now we have been married for almost 3 years and we both love each other more because we both are now in church and we worship together.Now this worked for me and I can't say what works for you , know work with whatever you got.Give him an ultimatum. Just remember if you marry him those same annoying problem that you both had before well now you would be married to them.Straighten out those problems if you want to have a good relationship before you go any further.Not just for you but for the children just as well. Do family oriented things together as a family.

Answer 5

http://www.groups.yahoo.com/group/Looking4thatspecialsomeone
This is a group for straight males and females who are seeking companionship, love, and possibly a permanent relationship. If you are into anything other than straight relationships, this is not the place for you. Note: Due to the fact that we may have members in the group that don't understand the preceding, all messages will be closely monitored.

The reason I am starting this new group for other's to possibly meet
new people.

This group is meant for you if people:

1)IF you are facing problems in relationship
2)If you are seeking your soul mate
3)If you think you can advice others
4)If you are seeking tips about pleasing your bf/gf

This group will be moderated and I assure you that it will
be one of the best ever groups where everyone can interact with each
other without any kind of hindrance..

PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS GROUP WILL NOT HAVE ANY ADULT CONTENT BUT TO
SHARE FEELING KNOWN AS LOVE & TO SEEK ADVICE IN THAT MATTER.

SO you can have genuine people here looking for making friendship
with you, and who knows, you may find your soulmate here.

Suggestions are most welcome.

We also understand that some members would like to have their partner back. This is a forum for some members who want to save their relationships and stop their breakup, separation, or divorce. Breaking up doesn't always have to mean it's over for good. We invite you to join us and exchange support, ideas, and encouragemnt with others who know how it feels to be in love.

Now in closing this is a great group for serious people looking for love and long term relationships,so get a pic and upload and start posting messages. Tell us a little something about you, and what you are looking for in a life partner. This group is now being created for all of you, I really hope you enjoy this group.

Answer 6

Well....i'm in pretty much the same situation. 2 kids one is his. We've been together for 3 years, got engaged last March. We fight ALL the time. I gave his ring back but we still live together. He's an alcoholic and won't give it up for his family....i don't know if i'm staying or going but i'm still here....for our son mainly. But b4 he came along i was a single mum for 4 years and did just fine. Get onto Centrelink and ask for assistance as much as they can give you and you too will be just fine. Trust me you'll be better off in the long run and sometimes when the love dies over a long period of time it's not gonna come back if you've been emotionally abused by someone who supposedly loves you. Nothing they do or say can change the way you feel.

Answer 7

wow you just took me back to a time about 4 years ago. Im married now my me and my husband dated for 10 years before we decided to marry.I know what your going through with aurgements are based on whose cheating on who,money,responsiblity, his annoying friend, his MOTHER!

But if you truely love him all will go well. and all those time we argued nine times out of ten i started the arguement because i knew deep inside things were going to the next level but i knew i was scared to go there.so i would find a reason to pick and nag.
but i said to my self this is something special i mean 10 years i had to at least try for me and my kids. A relationship needs love
respect, honesty, trust with out these you wont have a healthy long lasting relationship.
now i dont know if you have the same problem I had but i hope this helps!

Answer 8

If you ever think to yourself I could do better than him than chances are you are not meant to be. The problems you are having are not little their deep rooted so if you decide this relationship is worth saving I would go to couples counseling. Some people will never change and you can't make him change. If you suspect him of cheating and if he is not giving your kids the proper attention they deserve maybe you should see what else is out there, because if he truly loved you he would not do those things, but it is your call. Good luck!

Answer 9

Way to go on your first long term relationship! That's great! And so - you run into this, and that, but you both know that this is not stuff to focus on! If you're both really really bothered by loyalty and such, then sit down and pull together and work out possible ways to enhance your relationship! I've been with my husband for 17 years, and every now and then things do come up, but we sort of perfer to work together about it, then one against the other:`cause this sort of works to `separate' you and that doesn't feel too good~!
Hope you work on this; and good luck with the next years to come!

Answer 10

As I'm sure you know, relationships move through stages. At three years you are going to have more responsibilities, etc., which will take up your time and energy, when you change partners you are just starting the whole cycle over again but you will always hit lows from time to time. Try counseling or anything you can to save your marriage.

Answer 11

sound like your in a rut..first talk to him about how you feel..whos cheating arguements is an issue id want resolved quickly...all the rest is life yes it gets messy sometimes..and you can pick your friends quicker than you can your relatives...then go out find a baby sitter once in a while and have some alone time and schedule time on the weekend for fun family time. you have been together long enuf to se if hes gonna work out and if hes a keeper talk to him