Why does it seem like he hates me??

Question

I will be 20 this year,but unfortunatly had to "grow up" at a very young age. Sometimes I feel like my father hates me. It seems like everything I do disappoints him or makes him mad. I try to do everything I can for him. I have never gotten in any trouble before. I was a good student and I am growing into a mature adult so it's not like I have given him any reasons to get angry with me. I just wish he didn't get mad all the time for no reason. I don't feel like I can talk to him either. What should I do????

Answer 1

How are you? OK. I am 20 years as well, and I was forced to "grow up" at a pretty young age myself. I had the same relationship with my father. He passed away two years ago when I was 18, and I am glad that I had cleared everything up with him before I did lose him so quickly.

I always recieved awesome grades and never, ever, got into any trouble. I captained my Varsity Golf and Baseball teams, was the sports editor for the school paper, I was a great son; yet we were always fighting. Finally one day, I sat down and wrote him an email(I knew that if I tried talking it would go nowhere). I explained to him exactly how I felt. I asked him to listen to "perfect" by simple plan becuase that summed it up about as close as possible.

The next day I recieved the longest email ever, and he explained why he was so hard on me. He said that one day I would understand and that he wanted me to live a better life than he did.

Two years ago, I finally understood everything. When he died I took on a lot of responsiblity within the family, and I was strong enough to do so becuase of the way he treated me. He did love me, he was just preparing me.

So sit down with him, or write him an email. Whatever you have do to to deal with it, do it. I think it will help. I still read the email he sent me periodically, and the words make so much more sense. We had a great two months before he suddenly passed away, and I am so glad that I did what I did. --Joe

Answer 2

well.. you didnt delve into too many details, so first let's start with some background info. is he an alcholic/substance abuser? has he had a bad childhood himself (with abusive upbringing)? were your parents involved in a nasty divorce or unhappy marriage? if the answer to any of these is yes, then RUN to counseling with him, for the betterment of both your lives.

if all answers were no, then you need to look into your heart. unfortunately bad things happen to good ppl, no matter how hard you try to change them. youll need to ask yourself if the facade of a family is worth your happiness. if it is, then you need to accept that he may never change his ways and grow a thick skin to stick it out. if your happiness/self-esteem mean more than a father figure (true parenthood isn't biological) then take a deep breath, tell him how you feel, and be prepared to walk away from him. he may come around, he may not, but remember that no one on earth can make you as happy as you can make yourself.
good luck.
dq

Answer 3

Well, you should seek counseling. You don't have to talk to him about it. In the future you may ask him to go in with you. It is something you will have to work through so that it doesn't follow you through your life and affect other relationships. I'm very sorry for you, I don't know what I would do if I didn't have my Dad as my go to guy. Good Luck.