My daughter is getting better but she still is a brat right now. If I ask or tell her to do something she sometimes replies by hitting, scratching, biting or talking back. What works?
2006-06-13 13:28:35 · 17 answers · asked by dgclip1981 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
Are there any new changes in her life (move, starting school, new baby, family problems)? If so, give her lots of extra love and support.
There is no need to spank or use time outs. These are a form of punishment, not a form of discipline. They only cause resentment, anger, and are shaming. They not teach self control. They are only you controling your child.
When she hurts you, get down to her level and say "Don't (hits, scratch, speak to me that way, bite, kick...)" Take her gently to an area away from you and say "When you are ready to stop (hitting, talking that way, scratching, biting, kicking) then you can come back with me." This is not a time out because you are not setting a time limit (you controlling her). She returns when she is ready to control herself. You may have to return her to that area several times before she gets the message. Thank her when she is being gentile.
When she is calm, empathize with her. Say things like "You were really (mad, upset, frustrated, angry, hurt). What can you do next time instead?" She will learn to express herself rather than hurt.
Notice her when she is behaving. Say things like "Look how high you climbed! You did that by yourself! You used so many colors on that picture!" These are intrinsic rather than extrinsic ("Good job", stickers, candy) and are great confidence builders.
Set limits and follow through. "No" should always mean "No" the first time you say it. Offer her choice ("Should you do that by yourself or would you like me to help? Do you want peas or carrots for dinner? Can you get in the car yourself or do you want some help?"). Do not offer chances. Be consistent and patient! Good luck!
2006-06-13 13:57:01 · answer #1 · answered by marnonyahoo 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When my son tries this tactic, I try not to react physically. Spanking or other form of physical discipline supposedly only reinforces the behavior. Redirecting the childs attention is an option. This may sound stupid but kneel down at her level (so you are eye-to-eye) put her hands at her sides, tell her that hitting (scratching, biting, etc.) isn't appropriate. If it's something that doesn't have to be done immediately, give her some time and ask her again. I often will guide my son and do things WITH him. Remember, she's still pretty young. They are trying to gain more independence. This will take some patience but it will likely pay off.
2006-06-14 17:31:22 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nanny 911 gives good advice. But as far as her talking back, that is something that will eventually get better as she gets older. I am a nanny and the 3 year old I work with talks back a lot and as much as I want to yell at him I have to resist, its just part of his growing up. Also if you notice, a lot of what she will say back to you is in some way something you have said to her. Like my Joey says "I'm gonna count to three..1..2..3" It's kinda comical but all the same irritating. I am not sure what to suggest for her hitting and biting or kicking but I guarantee if you watch Nanny 911 you will get a lot of help. The little girl I watch was like that too, one of the most impossible children to please I have ever met, but now she is 5 and completely changed. Good luck to you and I hope you get the help you are looking for.
2006-06-13 20:35:56 · answer #3 · answered by blondieblue98 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm from the south and down here we spank it works for my son but it did not work with me when my mother spank me i hated it in fact i got worse so for a long time i did not spank my son i would only take a toy away or talk to him tell him not to do it that did not work with him i had to start spanking him when he turned 3 it has worked wonderfully its amazing cause he did not respond to the time out i was surprised cause he would be so loving and would tell me stories that happened in school and everything after I'd spank him crazy but it worked for him try different things with you're daughter until something works but you should know way tolerate hitting, scratching,or biting let her know you're the boss and you run the show kids will try you over and over again
2006-06-13 20:38:18 · answer #4 · answered by HELLO 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give her a time out everytime she hits,or scratches etc.It should be 1 minute per year of age.Then afterwards get eye level with her and ask for an apology,if shes still unruly give her 2 more minutes and keep it up till you get a sincere apology ,and then reward her with hugs and kisses.Possibly take her somewhere just the two of you for an outing .You must be consistant with it though or it wont work.
2006-06-13 20:41:55 · answer #5 · answered by d_siebrasse 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time outs, patience and time. They do grow out of it. It took a lot of corner time for mine and repeatedly counting to 10 for me. He is now 5 and still working on getting him to quit whining but he doesn't hit or scratch unless its in retaliation. Talking back comes and goes in phases. At least now he just talks back instead of screaming at me still. There is hope just be patient.
2006-06-13 21:23:39 · answer #6 · answered by passion8 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
once again if you teach your child to respect you from infancy this problem wouldn't happen. If you let this behavior continue by the time she is a teenager she will have NO RESPECT for you.....personally i dont believe time out works..i havent seen it work yet ..however every child is different..i sure hope you develop a back bone soon..i mean come on she's a two year old.....
2006-06-13 20:36:52 · answer #7 · answered by outspokenone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Beat the crap out of her. Not literally, but spank that child until she knows who's boss. Don't let her control you now, think about how much worse it could be by the time she's a teen. Timeout from things they enjoy is really devestating at that age too. Good luck!
2006-06-13 20:33:22 · answer #8 · answered by Shining Ray of Light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your child is testing the boundaries.. so give her some.. take something she likes away... then reward her with it back when she does something good.. When you can.. do not reward bad behavior with attention.. a child needs to learn rewards come from being good.. not bad... no matter how many times she tugs that phone cord.. or screams at you .. ignore her!!! Stay strong.. you are the parent.. she is the child!!!
2006-06-13 20:34:27 · answer #9 · answered by johnson72269 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Emphasize the rules, warn her of the consequences ( Time-out, losing privileges/toys) and then follow through. She is testing you to see how much she can get away with. Stay strong. be consistent and loving.
2006-06-13 21:55:45 · answer #10 · answered by mamalucci 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋