Help!! I have a 6yr old stepdaughter who....?

Question

My six year old step-daughter is genuinely a good kid, but her mother and I are having problems with her. She is on the honor roll, perfect attendence, and was accepted into an excelerated gifted school program for summer. Other parents say she is a dream boat, but at home she has the sassiest mouth, argues with both of us and is rough with my 18 month old daughter. She throws major tantrums which involves breaking and destruction of property; hers and ours! Is this normal, because my wife and I often argue about stupid stuff, when we both know we are upset at my wifes daughter.

Answer 1

We have a very smart and gifted girl who will be 6 in a couple of weeks. She has frequent blow outs (ever since she has gotten less attention as her twin little brother and sister are 16 months old).

We also are both strong willed and could fight less and are trying. My wife opened my eyes to just how normal the feedback and boundary testing is from a 6 year old. There was a psychologist link she sent me. The less that you react to her bad behavior (without affirming it positively) the better. Correct her behavior and move on...treat her with respect as you would an adult as much as possible. It's hard being smart and 6! Try to give her two positive feedbacks per every negative one (not always possible) but looking for the good and giving positive attention might help. Good luck! It's not always easy to not be dragged into a fight..but try to be the adult. This type of rebellion is completely normal and by saying simple things like "that is not how we talk" not giving her a big lecture...then moving on is better.

Answer 2

Sounds like your step daughter needs some discipline. When she is sassy and talks back she needs to be confronted about her actions and she needs to know that she is not allowed to talk to adults, especially her parents that way. You need to have rules and let her know the rules - and that if she talks back or is disrespectful she is going to be punished.
Regarding the 18 mo. old sister - she needs to be taught what is too rough. When she is too rough, she needs to be set aside and punished. She has to learn to respect all of her parents and siblings. It might be hard at first - she might even get worse just to test you - but if you all stick to a set of rules AND punish her, she will stop her behavior and get better. This might be hard, but if you don't do it now she will be a nightmare each year she gets older.
If nothing works - as a last resort you could try going to family counseling and try to work it out there.

Answer 3

arguing with you wife isnt smart. i'm just saying, if it can be helped, dont do it. i read there was a study that kids get this vibe when the parents are arguing, even if they dont actually KNOW they are arguing, and after that it causes behavioral problems. so thats one step.

second, let it be known who is boss. she is 6, so its not too late to stop this from getting worse...my bro is like this because my parents never did anything and now it has just become a part of him. i would say to give her a warning. after that, take EVERYTHING away if necessary. if she tries breaking ur stuff, then take 10 things of hers as payment for it...or more if necessary. 10 things she likes. or maybe send her to bed. if she doesnt go, take more of her stuff. put it where she cant get it. she will probably hate you for it, but you will be helping her stop from being a jerk later in life...yea, like my brother, who yes, is an all A student, gets scholarships left and right now that he is about to be a senor in highschool, and is planning on going to an IV college, but he is still like this himself. take things away from her that she wants. take away tv time, or take away ANYTHING she wants. if she wants to play with her fav. doll, take it away for bad behavior and say if she is good, you will give it back in an hour. thats the best i can say. good luck.

Answer 4

she is at the age now where there can be punishments for her actions,,, like her SPECIAL toys are taking away when acting out. Grounded for the day, no tv, going outside, and lil things like that. Leave the spanking to her mommy ok. just let her know there are gonna be reprecautions for her actions. Sometimes thrre misbehavin must be a way to get your attention also . So try that to. Heck she is an innocent child she can still be molded to get that ATTITUDE ajusted ok. soo dont fret!

Answer 5

It appears the child in question is in charge and she has the both of you just where she wants you.
When the parents of a strong-willed child loses the battles, resorting to shouting, arguing, or other evidence of frustrations, the strong-willed child sees his parents in a whole new light. Instead of strong confident leaders, the child sees them as spineless jelly-fish, who are unworthy of respect and loyalty.
The bottom line here folks is to establish your positions as strong and loving leaders. You cannot fix your strong-willed child overnight, but the priority here is to take back your leadership. Choose the conflicts carefully she throws at you, making sure the issues are worthy of confrontation and meet her challenge, winning outright. Reward her positive cooperation with your attention and praise.
Once your child knows who's in charge, she will learn how to control her outbursts knowing she will be held accountable for her behavior.
It is very important for a parent to win those head-on battles your willful child stirs up. She has to know who's in charge, and she will feel more secure and loved.
When your harsh, criticizing or angry with a strong-willed child, these behaviors are almost always counterproductive and destructive.
You mom and dad are the boss and if you believe it, so will your strong-willed child.

Answer 6

She's smarter than anyone is giving her credit for. I'm certain you've considered jealousy for the 18 month old AND jealousy for your entry into their lives.

She's demonstrating the anger towards the baby and she's seeing clear results when you and your wife bicker.

Frustration is propelling her into the distruction of property, she can't get her point across. She's angry, obviously and isn't feeling as though she's being heard.

As best as you can, try to preempt her episodes. When you see her beginning to boil, encourage and provide an atmosphere to allow her to voice herself. When the sass starts, end the conversation. Simply. Begin talking to her again when her tone changes. Tell her "I , we, can't understand you when you're using that sassy tone, please calm down and explain yourself to us.".

Teach her now how to express her feelings, in a civil manner. Consider Montessori education. It will help you cope as well.

Answer 7

Hm mm sounds like my granddaughter, but she is an only child. Could she be jealous of the 18 month old? Have you used 123. Professional help maybe.

Answer 8

This marriage may be taking her through some changes. If she is not comfortable with you then there may be some issues at hand. The three of you all need to sit down and talk or even take her to a councilor

Answer 9

no she is acting out cause everyone tell her she is soo perfect so now she is trying to tell and show you she is not. could be because of peer pressure at school too the kids could be calling he ms goodie two shoes. stop focusing on all the good stuff she does. i know it will be hard but for her sake at least stop talking about it...

Answer 10

Dont allow her to have her toys when she is destructive...she doesn't deserve things if she breaks them.

You also have to agree with your wife about how to handle her. If you wife does not agree with you, it'll be her and her daughter against you.

Don't allow her around your baby, it's not safe.

♥ rhapsody