My boyfriend has 3 beatiful children who I absolutly adore. He is a wonderfull father and I think that is alot of what attracted me to him. However I understand completely there has to be communication with the mother, but I feel he goes over board. He will be leaving to do hurricane cleanup once they hit and sometimes he goes out of state, anyways he told his exwife he will pay for her room and flight to come out there with the kids,but I work for him do all his paper work and hasnt mentioned me going to see him, he has all her numbers programed in the phone he dont even know my number at all, basically he is a kiss *** when it comes to her, I would never ask to be put infront of his kidscause they come first but why do I feel as if he is up her buttand will do anything for her at the drop of a dime???? Im the one sleeping in the same bed as him and helping to take care of him and his children, what do I do?????
2006-06-13 12:53:32 · 29 answers · asked by italianprincess_fl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
he doesn't want to loose contact with his kids and that's understandable. the ex could be using them as leverage. talk to him sometime and ask him what's going on.
question for you: how hot is she?
2006-06-13 12:57:10 · answer #1 · answered by oldsoftee2001 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yikes this is a hard one. First I would confront him with the issues that you lay here before us. Maybe he has an answer for this behavior. Second, paying for the room I can understand, he has children and I would do the same thing. Remember they have a history together. so having her numbers in his phone isn't going to change, he has kids. He should know your number though. I would ask him about the problems you see. If not this isn't going to be a good communicative relationship.
2006-06-13 19:58:29 · answer #2 · answered by teambargain 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are sleeping under the same roof and in the same bed, I would be having a little talk with him about how you feel and what you think. He may be the father of her children but that is as far as it should go. Next time he has to leave, just say I'm going too and go girl. Tell him you want to be part of the clean up also.
2006-06-13 20:01:50 · answer #3 · answered by bb465 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not understand why his ex needs to visit him? Is he going to be gone for months and can not go home to visit his own children? I agree that you should be worried. Communication is the best way. Sit down and share your feelings with him. Explain that you are not trying to come before the children, just the ex. If he doesn't understand or put you first then he may still have feelings for the ex. Good Luck !
2006-06-13 20:03:38 · answer #4 · answered by Angie H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel as if you should talk to him and let him know how you are feeling about your situation. He needs to be reminded that you understand completely that those kids come first but you should be second not her because she is the ex for a reason. Alot of baby mamas feed on that because they know the men won't go anywhere with or without your girlfriend so just try putting your foot down just a little harder.
2006-06-13 19:59:58 · answer #5 · answered by lilsexygul 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what advice to give you, but that's why I try my best not to date a man who has kids, because when stuff like this comes up, you will always look like the bad guy.
I think you have a legitimate complaint because something isn't right, but if you bring it up, I'm sure he's going to say it's all for the kids. But that is no excuse for him not to invite you out there or not know your number.
So I guess you just have to decide if you want to be number 5. Of course his kids come first but it looks like the mother is next and if you are lucky, then maybe you come after her.
2006-06-13 19:57:23 · answer #6 · answered by Truth Hurts 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like your husband has much love for his children and cares for them a lot. I think that the best thing in a relationship is communication, talk to him. Let him know how you feel. Tell him that you love the kids and would never want to be put in front of them but you feel like you are being put behind his ex. His kids and ex are not necessarily attached to each other. Talk to him.
2006-06-13 20:00:56 · answer #7 · answered by jbark8831 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to have the faith that he is faithful to you. He and She obviously had something once they got three beautiful kids. Maybe they just fell out of love and realized all they had was a fulfilling friendship and just wanted more from life. Just because he talks to her doesn't necessarily mean anything. Have you tried to explain how you feel? Sit down and have a one on one and let him know how his actions make you feel like the one being left behind. There is a book called "The 5 love languages" pick that up and read it. It will help you to help him to communicate in a way that you need him to, to make you feel loved and needed. Good luck.
2006-06-13 20:00:49 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmmm.... sounds like he is going a little overboard. but it might just be because the ex is a phsyco and he ios afraid that if everything isnt perfect for her she will leave and maybe he just wants whats best for the kids, and wants them to have there origianl mother aswel as maybe a new one ( hint hint hint). He may just be really worried about his kids and what may happen if there is a bad relationship between the two of them. but you are also right. maybe you just need to sit down and tell him you feel that he really doesnt notice you anymore. just tell him that you kind of seem all over the exwife, and not that you would like to come before the kids or anything, but you just feel a little excluded from everything. just calmly tell him, and if he really loves you, he will underatand and try to change. and you will understand that he loves you and that he doesn have to go crazy for his kids to make everything ok for them sometimes. but it shouldnt be like that all the times. if it is, then you need to really tell him, and make sure he really understands how you feel.
2006-06-13 20:00:58 · answer #9 · answered by efraevo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your suspicions are correct. Keep trusting in your gut. Being newly divorced myself I notice I have left-over habits and mind sets where she's concerned and I don't even like her. She's selfish and annoying. But still I find myself trying to fill her requirements when it comes to the kids because in the back of my mind I'm thinking to do otherwise would be to act in bad faith for the happiness of my kids. ( he may not even be aware he's doing it)
He NEEDS to be made aware of just how often he defers to her and just how far backwards he bends for her in comparison to how little he accommodates your needs. If you sit him down and tell him in a non-accusing tone...with genuine concern mixed with your own feelings of unimportance and inadequacy I am hoping he will see he's doing it and perhaps you two can make a pact for you to bring it up in a small way and remind him so he can Un-Learn his old habits. Good luck.
2006-06-13 20:00:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
just sit down and have a talk with him sometime men feel like they have to look after the mother of their kids just because the kids are with her the majority of the time like my brother is not with the mother of his son he is in Afghanistan and she has his truck because her car got repossessed he let her use his truck so she can get back and forth to work that is part of being a real man and also love he still loves her like you're boyfriend loves the mother of his kids but not mentioning you coming to see him is kinda shallow why can't you stay in the room with the kids and still help him with work maybe he hasn't thought about that but it doesn't mean he loves her anymore than you just bring it to his attention my boyfriend of 5 years had to bring it to my attention the way i handled my son's father i listened to hI'm and tried to make him feel comfortable cause i loved him im sure you're bf will do the same thing maybe you just have to bring it to his attention and let him really know it hurts your feelings if he loves you he will try to make a change you'll see I'll keep you in my prayers
2006-06-13 20:07:08 · answer #11 · answered by HELLO 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋